Why women should not be allowed aboard boats...

I little comedy today..........

Two fishermen were adrift in their rented boat due to an engine failure. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, one of the men stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three.

Without giving much thought to the matter the man blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into beer!" The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals.

Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the men considered their circumstances.

One man looked disgustedly at the other whose wish had been granted. After a long, tension filled moment, he spoke: "Nice going idiot! Now we're going to have to piss in the boat!"

 

While we are talking about BEER!!

Yesterday, scientists for Health Canada suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women. To test the finding, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, and refused to apologize when wrong. No further testing is planned.

 

ok, one more....

SHIPWRECKED

Ed finally decides to take a vacation. He books himself on a Caribbean cruise,and proceeds to have the time of his life -- until the boat sank.
He found himself swept up on the shore of an island with no other people, no supplies.... Nothing. Only bananas and coconuts.
After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to him.
In disbelief, he asks her, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"
"I rowed from the other side of the island," she says. "I landed here when my cruise ship sank."
"Amazing," he says. "You were really lucky to have a rowboat wash up with you."
"Oh, this?" replies the woman. "I made the rowboat out of raw material found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches; I wove the bottom from palm branches; and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree."
"But-but, that's impossible," stutters Ed.
"You had no tools or hardware. How did you manage?"
"Oh, that was no problem," replies the woman. "On the south side of the island, there is a very unusual strata of alluvial rock exposed. I found if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable ductile iron. I used that for tools and used the tools to make the hardware."
Ed is stunned.
"Let's row over to my place," she says.
After a few minutes of rowing, she docks the boat at a small wharf. As Ed looks onto shore, he nearly falls out of the boat. Before him is a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white.
While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, he could only stare ahead, dumb struck.
As they walk into the house, she says casually, "It's not much, but I call it home.
Sit down please; would you like to have a drink?"
"No, no thank you," he says, still dazed.
"Can't take any more coconut juice."
"It's not coconut juice," the woman replies.
"I have a still. How about a Pina Colada?"
Trying to hide his continued amazement, he accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk.
After they have exchanged their stories, the woman announces, "I'm
going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in the cabinet in the bathroom."
No longer questioning anything, Ed goes into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet, is a razor made from a bone handle. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside of a swivel mechanism.
"WOW! This woman is amazing," he muses,
"What next?"
When he returns, she greets him wearing 'nothing but vines' strategically positioned, and smelling faintly of gardenias.
She beckons for him to sit down next to her. "Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We've been out here for a really long
time.
You've been lonely.
There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for all these months. You know..."
She stares into his eyes.

He can't believe what he's hearing:
"You mean .", he swallows excitedly;
"I can check my e-mail from here?”

 

she was just a little anxtios and trying to do good .......havent you ever done that?

 

In NZ woman are not allow to stay together with guys until their period is over in the PERIOD bungalows........ mean that may happen on the boat bcause u cant ditch the b!tch if u hav such related believe or custom.... I think?!?........

 

Mmmmm........ More valid answer are...: Less generic muscular power to help heavy work and too curvy for the crew to think properly.

 

Hey Caldera, I think she may have had water in the carburetor?..............

 

Well done Paul, spoken like a true (marine) engineer! Look for the real reason behind the disaster eh!

 

Just glad I didn't cause this one Walrus.............

 

Nor me mate, can;t drive is why; neither could she by the look of it :!: :!: :?:

 

Ya think

she should back it just up a tad? :?:

Hmmm, I'd do her!

Cheers!

 

So would I parking with her doors open indeed!

 

Pass me her address after phat oh.... ....... or cell phone no. just in case....mmmmm........ never met a women with a door before.....

 

Come to europe mate they all have doors, normally closed in your face!!