Boat Jokes (we need a few laughs)

HA,,,,,,,,,,,,,sounds like the oil industry engineers,,hehe

 

Yep know a few of those guys!! Just as it says! Only they are normally full of it as well!!

 

which beer or ****, - - - or is it one displaces the other?

 

show em a paper full of math,,,and tell em that it proves **** is 99% beer,,,,and we'll know what their full of,,hehe

 

Grandma in Traffic

Dear grandchild,
The other day I had purchased a bumper sticker that read “Honk if you love Jesus” and I was merrily tootling along enjoying the trip home after the nice man stuck the sticker on my bumper...

I was sitting in the front row, waiting for the lights to change and thinking of how nice people can be and how much I loved Jesus. All of a sudden I was startled by honking, and bless me I was feeling so happy with all the people expressing how much they loved Jesus too – must have good eyes to read my bumper sticker. How marvellous....

Then people started wishing me “Joyous times on sunny beaches” I think – it was a little difficult to understand with all the honking... and you know, that, “Hawaiian greeting of happiness”, sign you make with the second finger extended and all the others curled over, well, that was when I figured that I was really being wished a joyous time at the beach – bless their loving hearts....

Just then I suddenly realised that the traffic lights were green and I was the only one who made it through the intersection, so I could not depart without showing these loving people of my appreciation at their "beach side" wishes and honking their love of Jesus, that I stopped, and got out, and because I was a little distant, stood up and extended both arms in the “Hawaian greeting of happiness” to all, and the expressions of their love of Jesus was almost overwhelming, so I got back in to my car and sped home to tell you of my wonderful experience, and that you should by going to church and praying to Jesus more often...

God Bless You Grandchild
Grandma...

 

good 1 Mas.,,hehe

 

On board a flight the pilot announced the last engine conked out.
We are going to crash.

Deathly silence follows...

Then one guy from the back 'That stupid doctor of mine lied !
He said I was going to die of cancer'

 

Some stuff for the techies...

 

Why thankee Fanie, makes all this computa thingy stuff so damn easy now!! Ah completely understand it!!

 

It's from yer neighbors. Had some Scottish friends, the wife talked like that. Never understood when to roll and fold the werds like that...

There's a thread on planing cats going... while looking at some planing stuff there I happened to stumble across this...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gv96Zromg8Q&NR=1

Now that's what I call acceleration !

 

i think mexico is jelouse of our jail "over crowding",,,,,,,and they wonder why theres so many "mexican and his donkey" jokes,,,hehe ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
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TUXTLA GUTIERREZ, Mexico - A donkey is doing time in southern Mexico for assault and battery. ADVERTISEMENT



The animal was locked up at a local jail that normally holds people for public drunkenness and other disturbances after it bit and kicked two men near a ranch in Chiapas state, police said Monday.

Officer Sinar Gomez said the donkey will remain behind bars until its owner agrees to pay the men's medical bills.

"Around here, if someone commits a crime they are jailed," Gomez said — "no matter who they are."

The owner, Mauro Gutierrez, told The Associated Press he would try to reach a friendly arrangement to pay the men's bills, estimated at US$420 (euro270).

The victims said the donkey bit Genaro Vazquez, 63, in the chest on Sunday and then kicked 52-year-old Andres Hernandez as he tried to come to the rescue, fracturing his ankle.

"All of a sudden, the animal was on top of us like it was rabid," Hernandez said.

Police said it took a half-dozen men to control the enraged burro.

Chiapas police have thrown animals in the slammer before, including a bull that devoured corn crops and destroyed two wooden vending stands in March.

In 2006, a dog was locked up for 12 days after biting someone. His owners were fined US$18.

 

the magician and the parrot ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
There was magician on a cruise ship, and he was really good.

He was performing the highlight of his show when a parrot walked onstage and squawked, ''It's in his sleeve!''

The magician chased the bird away.

The next day the magician was performing his highlight again (in front of a smaller audience) when the parrot walked onstage and declared, ''It's in his pocket!''

The next day, as he was performing the highlight, he saw the parrot in the crowd. But before the parrot could ruin the magic trick, the boat crashed into a rock and sank.

The magician was lucky enough to find a board to hang on to. On the other end of the board was the parrot.

They stared at each other for three full days, neither of them saying anything, when suddenly the parrot said, ''I give up, what'd you do with the ship?

 

For Divers


Never, EVER, fart in a dry suit!

 

Oh and "brain farts"? **** I am laughing soooo much I cannot click on the "post feedback" - ahhhhh got it - I think.........

 

...and they reckon the definition of sailing is: standing in a cold shower tearing up $100 notes!....