Boat Jokes (we need a few laughs)

Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis
of Evil," Libya, China, and Syria today announced they
had formed the "Axis of Just as Evil," which they said
would be way eviler than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North
Korea axis President Bush warned of his State of the
Union address.

Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed
the new axis as having, for starters, a really dumb
name. "Right. They are Just as Evil... in their
dreams!" declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il.
"Everybody knows we're the best evils...
best at being evil... we're the best."

Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over
being excluded, although they conceded they did ask if
they could join the Axis of Evil.

"They told us it was full," said Syrian President
Bashar al-Assad.

"An Axis can't have more than three countries,"
explained Iraqi President Saddam Hussein. "This is not
my rule, it's tradition. In World War II you had
Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So you can
only have three. And a secret handshake. Ours is
wicked cool."

THE AXIS PANDEMIC
International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil
declaration was swift, as within minutes, France
surrendered.

Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain
triumvirate status in what became a game of
geopolitical chairs. Cuba, Sudan, and Serbia said they
had formed the Axis of Somewhat Evil, forcing Somalia
to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the Axis
of Occasionally Evil, while Bulgaria, Indonesia and
Russia established the Axis of Not So Much Evil Really
As Just Generally Disagreeable.

With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the
desirable clubs filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador,
and Rwanda applied to be called the Axis of Countries
That Aren't the Worst But Certainly Won't Be Asked to
Host the Olympics; Canada, Mexico, and Australia
formed the Axis of Nations That Are Actually Quite
Nice But Secretly Have Nasty Thoughts About America,
while Spain, Scotland, and New Zealand established the
Axis of Countries That Be Allowed to Ask Sheep to Wear
Lipstick.

"That's not a threat, really, just something we like
to do," said Scottish Executive First Minister Jack
McConnell.

While wondering if the other nations of the world
weren't perhaps making fun of him, a cautious Bush
granted approval for most axes, although he rejected
the establishment of the Axis of Countries Whose Names
End in "Guay," accusing one of its members of filing a
false application. Officials from Paraguay, Uruguay,
and Chadguay denied the charges.

Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to join any
Axis, but privately, world leaders said that's only
because no one asked them.

 

"Enron and Capitalism"
Capitalism;
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies,
and the economy grows. You
sell them and retire on the income.

Enron Venture Capitalism;

You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed
company, using letters of credit
opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity
swap with an associated general offer so that you get four cows
back,with a tax exemption for five cows.

The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to
a Cayman Island company
secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to
seven cows back to your listed
company.

The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on
one more.

Now do you see why a company with $62 billion in assets is declaring
bankruptcy?
--

 

Top Ten Signs Your Boss Is Drunk


#10
Confused elevator for the bathroom

#9
Started a war with no exit strategy

#8
Insists all employee grievances be settled by duel

#7
The sales meeting is now a beer pong tournament

#6
Every time his intercom buzzes, he does a shot

#5
The "World's Drunkest Boss" coffee mug

#4
He's sharpening his pen

#3
Just got back from a long lunch with the Bush twins

#2
Makes a sloppy pass at your wife, then at you

#1
Every time you... read more

 

Once Count Dracular had 2 other brothers, Count Drake and Count Doom. These three brother like to boost on victims they had sucked up dry.

One day Count Drakular held a contest to settle dispute once and for all. He summoned his might to do unbelievable task of crossing the sea to an island to find victims ( sea travelling is no fun for vampire it seem ).

Count Drake was the first to fly and took half a night, he was covered with blood and he cried.... LOOK I had taken blood from the beach where naked man and woman try to make out... I win !!! But Count Dracula told him not to jump into conclusion.

Immediately Count Dracula flew and took only an hour and have blood in his mouth and shirt and he cried.... AHA I had cross fast and taken the blood of the villages by the beach !!!

Not wasting further longer Count Doom flew like a wind an rushes to the island. To everybody amaze he was back ten minute with whole body covered with blood. Everybody asked for his explaination but he hesitate to tell until the night was quite over.

Count Doom said:" Damn it ! I should have checked the weather report to stay clear of that Fog or else I wouldnt have slammed into that container ship at hi-speed........"


P.S. The only Vampire you can trust is " Count On Me "

 

SOAB Westlawn,

Laugh, damn I nearly strangled the cat. WELL DONE!

Pericles

 

Don't mean to be contrary, but I'll do it anyway - it's a new year. I really applaud the Enron joke. It's smack on. Forget about boats (you'll never make any money on their design anyway), you have great prospects ahead of you as a "stand up comedian".

 

I have just been informed that a toy snake in these here parts will deter the cat Mmmmm not a bad idea and cheap to try. I will have to tie it down though or the Eagles will take it,---lots of Eagles here.

More poop on the dock this morning but not on the boat. Coated the stern with white pepper.!!! Dunnno thats what the policeman told me to do.

 

What's wrong with tossing a live one on the offending boat?

 

English as wot she is rote.

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English
will be the official language of the European Union rather than German,
which was the other possibility.



As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that
English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-
year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".



In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will
make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in
favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kanhave
one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond
year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will
make words like fotograf 20% shorter.



In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kanbe expekted
to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.



Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have
always ben a deterent to akurate speling.



Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag
is disgrasful and it should go away.



By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as

replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".



During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kanbe dropd from vords kontaining
"ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.



Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu
understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.





Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in
ze forst plas.



Pericles

 

"ve vil al be speking German".....what you describe, Pericles, is exactly what the recent "Rechtschreibreform" did to the German language. So whatever we might speak in ze future, dont call it German

 

Very good Pericles !

So it seems if you engineer or reverse engineer using your rules you can translate between the two languages.

I have this math tape that shows you how to easily get complex math answers. Oh, they work. The problem is remembering which technique to apply for each different math type and app, which in the end makes it easier to just take the calculator and type on it. I guess I'll just stick to the 'old' English as we know it just in case you are serious about it

 

Yes, that's well observed, kwb1312. If the current trend goes on I guess the German language will transform itself into inarticulated grunt sounds within the next say 20-30 years. Beforehand, literary language will have been abolished due to its uselessness as even the authors wouldn't be able to understand their randomly placed "letter-like" symbols.

In fact it's hard to find something in written German without serious misspelling these days. Well, that's today's life in the country of Goethe, Schiller, and Kant... And most Krauts don't care (and don't have ever heard about the aforementioned fellows)...

 

Ist German going ze way ov Vandalic?

Germanic language probably closely related to the Gothic language. The Vandals, Hasdingi and Silingi, established themselves in Gallaecia (Northen Portugal and Galicia) and in Southern Spain, following other Germanic and non-Germanic peoples (Visigoths, Alans and Suevi), before moving to North Africa in AD 429.

Very little is known about the Vandalic language beyond that it was East Germanic, closely related to Gothic. A small number of personal names of Vandalic origin in Spanish are known.

Pericles

 

Is voll krass alder, ey

I suppose that´s the way German language is going. They call it Kanakisch, the language of the future.
But maybe that was how Vandalic sounded to the Romans.

KWB

 

We'll all end up speaking gibberish - Oh sorry we do now! Especially the various European Governments who like to think they are all part of one big happy family - unfortunately as we all know big families tend to squabble and argue a lot finally falling out and moving away from each other!

Look at the Great Russian Communist State the U.S.S.R. - it would appear nobody learned a bloody thing from it! The old trotskists would be wetting themselves by now - for years they fought to get us to do now what we do willingly (????) Who's fooling who? I don't want to be one of them, they don;t want to be one of us!!