BOAT JOKES (we need a few laughs)

Discussion in 'All Things Boats & Boating' started by brian eiland, Oct 29, 2006.

  1. charmc
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    charmc Senior Member

    They don't!! :( :(

    In Maine, New Hampshire, and Vermont, where I have family (masochists - I do well in the cold, but don't like it), nearly all houses have fireplaces or wood burning stoves. Not efficient, but a good backup and the fuel is cheap, especially if you cut it yourself.
     
  2. masalai
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    masalai masalai

    Thanks Charmc. Keep them fires burning, but not too big. I've heard that "Jewish Stocktakes" last but briefly and then you are out in the cold with a frozen piddle (vast modification of a common saying)

    Enjoy your white christmas
     
  3. Kay9
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    Kay9 1600T Master

    Whats the diffrence between a toilet seat and a boat captain?
    Answer: Toliet seat only has to deal with 1 as@hole at a time.
     
  4. masalai
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    masalai masalai

  5. artemis
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    artemis Steamboater

    Beware - Idiot Sighting

    IDIOT SIGHTING:
    A friend had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told him that one of the problems was that he did not have a "large" enough motor on the opener. He thought for a minute, and said that he had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. The repairman shook his head and said, "Sir, you need a 1/4 horsepower." My friend responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. The repairman said, "NO, it's not." Four is larger than two.."

    He hasn't used Sears repair since.
    :p
     
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  6. charmc
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    charmc Senior Member

    Artemis,

    The tragedy of that story is that it is not so rare. I cringe whenever I hear something like, "Wow, you can do that math stuff in your head? That's cool." when I give, for example, $20.07 to pay for an item costing $19.82, and tell the cashier to give me a quarter for change. :rolleyes:
     
  7. masalai
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    masalai masalai

    I have yet to find a single product at other than 19.99. you give twenty and get a receipt for 20! Is that false advertising or What!

    It's easier here, no one or two cent coins. 98 & 99 cents rounded up to a dollar, 96 and 97 rounded down to 95 cents, so three items at 99 cents gets a single 2 cent discount. retail supermarkets are full of smart-arses! in the accounts dept..

    What I cant interpret is this fractionising when measuring small amounts. see dpreview.com and measurements on the sizes of ccd's in digital cameras.
     
  8. artemis
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    artemis Steamboater

    Gosh, fractions are an integral part of the Imperial measurement system. Surely it's not been that long since you folks adopted the "frenchie" way of doing measurements. All in preparation for the Mother country becoming a part of the Frenchie European system. Gag me with a fork. :D
     
  9. masalai
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    masalai masalai

    Arti what is this a bit both ways?
    Sensor size = 1/2.5" (size of ccd device) on Kodak Z712
    Sensor = 1/1.72 " Type CCD Nikon Coolpix P5100
    and so on Fractions and decimal sizes mixed. Boy are you guys confused.

    I can work with fractions or decimal and convert from one to t'other

    I presume item 1 is 0.4" if so why the f... not call it so
    likewise item 2 as 0.5813953" total ****?
     
  10. nordvindcrew
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    nordvindcrew Senior Member

    change

    Charlie, you are a truely cruel person to do that to some poor soul who only has a modern,U.S. high school, college prep education! Hell, i can't persuade some of the people I work with that some of our equipment needs a # 10 extension cord when # 14 is a bigger number ( can't understand why the tools keep burning out).
     
  11. nordvindcrew
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    nordvindcrew Senior Member

    metric vs SAE

    just as a small historical note, My dad had a defferment in WW11 because he was making Whitworth tooling (taps and dies) for the English plants making Spitfires. He was reviled in my home town as being a draft dodger even though he did make a contribution to the effort. A friends father, the same thing. He was a diary farmer and needed at home too.
     
  12. Eric Sponberg
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    Eric Sponberg Senior Member

    That reminds me of the song from the Vietnam Era, The Draft Dodger, of which the first verse and chorus are:

    I'm just a typical American boy
    From a typical American town
    I believe in God and Senator Dodd
    And keeping ol' Castro down
    And when it came my time to serve
    I knew better dead than Red
    But when I got up to my old draft board
    Buddy, this is what I said:

    Sarge, I'm only 18, I got a ruptured spleen
    And I always carry a purse
    I got eyes like a bat and my feet are flat
    And my asthma's a-gettin' worse.
    Consider my career, my sweetheart dear,
    My poor ol' invalid aunt
    'Sides I ain't no fool, I'm a-goin' to school
    And workin' in a defense plant.



    Eric
     
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  13. nordvindcrew
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    nordvindcrew Senior Member

    draft boads

    AHHH the wisdom of draft boards! during the Vietnam War, I went in for my physical, had blood pressure 201/120, dyslexia and a twisted right foot. Got in a fist fight with a private who was giving me some crap, spent an hour giving insulting answers to an Army phschiatrist and wound up classified 1-A. Joined the Air Force and was mustered out in less than a month when I passed out because of the blood pressure thing. It pissed me off no end that anyone with any criminal record wasn't taken, and guys like myself who hadn't been caught went off to fight and die in a stupidly run war.
     
  14. westlawn5554X
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    westlawn5554X STUDENT

    good stuff from a N.A.:)
     

  15. safewalrus
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    safewalrus Ancient Marriner

    thought this was a Joke thread? ducking and diving when your country calls is hardly a joke! Cowardly? probably, nobody wants to die after all (and not a lot like pain - to themselves anyway) and if it affected nobody else it could be understood! But when some poor ******* who does have some pride in the country of his birth has to go in your place (and probably die for you) then it becomes more than a matter of concious - you become a TRAITOR......nothing worse than a traitor....

    Yeah we got a few too, they are the ones who usually send the others to die, call em 'politicians mostly
     
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