BOAT JOKES (we need a few laughs)

Discussion in 'All Things Boats & Boating' started by brian eiland, Oct 29, 2006.

  1. charmc
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    charmc Senior Member

    Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft.... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor. Wernher von Braun


    A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. Emo Philips


    I'm not one of those who think Bill Gates is the devil. I simply suspect that if Microsoft ever met up with the devil, it wouldn't need to hire an interpreter. Nicholas Petreley
     
  2. charmc
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    charmc Senior Member

    Evolution of Man :)
     

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  3. masalai
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    masalai masalai

    What do you get when you put 100 Chinamen under a printing press?
    The Yellow Pages

    What do you get when you put 100 Indians under a printing press?
    A year's supply of carbon paper.
     
  4. masalai
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    masalai masalai

    Three tourists, an American, an Indonesian and a Malaysian were having a drink at a penthouse bar in downtown Tokyo. The American ordered a bottle of Jack Daniel's whiskey, took just a sip and threw the whole bottle out of the window. He explained to his astounded acquaintances "Where I come from, Jack Daniels is cheap and plentiful, so it has become a habit of of ours to do that". Not to be outdone, the Indonesian promptly lit up a Gudang Garam (clove) cigarette, took a puff and threw the whole pack out of the window. He explained " Where I come from, Gudang Garam is cheap and plentiful, so it has become a habit of ours to do that". The Malaysian, eager to impress, threw the Indonesian out of the window, and explained "Where I come from Indonesians areā€¦."
     
  5. masalai
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    masalai masalai

    Ever thought of becoming a deejay in a local Malay radio station? Easy! Just master the art of repeating every other word. Example...

    "...cuaca, ya cuaca di Kuala Lumpur sekarang mendung, mendung... keadaan trafik, trafik di Cheras sesat, sesat....anda, ya anda sedang mengikuti, mengikuti siaran, siaran Repeat FM ....OK, OK, kita dengar lagu, ya lagu dari Ella, Ella...terima kasih, terima kasih kepada anda, anda...."
     
  6. masalai
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    masalai masalai

    THESE ARE THE MORE COMMON ONES:
    What do you call a Singh who drinks only soft drinks?
    Yeo Hiap Singh
    What do you call a Singh who drinks only beer?
    Jasbir Singh (Just Beer)
    What do you call a Singh who likes to go for a swim at night?
    Kuldip Singh (Cool Dip)
    What do you call the only Singh left on earth after a nuclear holocaust?
    Jestwant Singh (Just One)
    What do you call a Singh who owns a ship?
    Karpal Singh
    What do you call a Singh who owns a ship that sank?
    No lah, not Titanic Singh. It's Karam Singh
    What do you call the Bhai who was sacked from the national hockey team?
    Relax Singh
    What do you call a lousy Bhai?
    Owtar Singh
    What do you a vulgar Singh?
    Tiu Niah Singh (Cantonese curse words)
    Side tracking a bit here: What does a baby tuna calls it mother?
    Tuna Ma (Cantonese curse words again)
    What do you call a Singh who's a three star general?
    Sam Lap Singh (Cantonese for 3 Stars)
    What do you call the Singh who likes roundabouts?
    Pu Singh
    What do you call a Singh who's a gangster?
    Sam Singh
    What do you call a Bhai **** actress?
    Hard Kaur
    What do you call a female Bhai security guard?
    Securi Kaur
    What do you call a Singh who likes to sing?
    D.J. Dave!
    THESE ARE THE MORE CREATIVE ONES:
    What do you call baby Singhs?
    Singhlets
    What do you call the study of Singhs?
    Bhailogy (Biology)
    What do you call the study of baby Singhs?
    Microbhailogy (Microbiology)
    If the Sikhs were to succeed in forming their own country,
    what will they call their currency?
    Mata Wang Ah Singh
    What do you call a Singh who doesn't like backsides?
    Surpri Singh!
    A Sikh family owns a petrol station in Brickfields.
    The names of the three brothers running the business?
    Servi Singh, Grea Singh and Wheel Balan Singh
    They also have a cousin who works there as a pump attendant:
    Dispen Singh
    What do you call a Singh who stays in Section 5, PJ?
    Ga Singh (as in Jalan Gasing)
    What do you call the Singh who was adopted by a Chinese family?
    Bung Ka Lee
    What do you call a Singh who's a coward?
    Ball One Singh
    FROM OUR VISITORS....
    What is a Bhai standoff?
    Two Bhais bathing together, and one drops the soap!
    What do you call the Singh who can swim underwater?
    GS Gills
    Did ya hear about the Bhai who was sent to jail
    for beating up his wife? The judge said he was
    rotten to the core (kaur)!
    What do you call a Bhai playboy centerfold?
    Boh Cheng Kaur (Hokkien - "Not Wearing Pants")
    What do you call a horny Bhai?
    Gian Singh
    Why is the KLIA a favourite for Singhs?
    Because they have special immigration lanes for "ORANG AH SINGH"
    What do you call the new KLIA taxis?
    Limosinghs
    What did the Singh say in his traffic accident report?
    Dia belakang mari!
    In the wild west, what did the Apache say to the Singh?
    Umm...you make good scalp, already pre-wrapped!
    What do you call a Bhai girl who likes hot choclate?
    Co Kaur (Cocoa)
    What do you call a Bhai girl who's an interior decorator?
    De Kaur (Decor)
    What do you call a Bhai girl who's a gangster?
    Tai Kaur
    What is the official mode of transportation for Bhais?
    Bhaicycle (bicycle)
    Why are Bhai jokes so stupid?
    So that the Chinese, Melayu and Tamil buggers can understand them!
    (from Taranjit Singh)
     
  7. masalai
    Joined: Oct 2007
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    masalai masalai

    YEE SI LAY - A ****
    CHIN TU FATT - You need a face lift
    DUM GAI - A stupid person
    LEE WAI - Blue Denim
    LIM WAN LEK - A disabled person
    GAN PAO DER - An ancient Chinese invention
    TECK NOH - A type of music
    LIM KOK - A man with ******** problem
    HU FLANG DANG - Which one of you fertilized the field?
    LOW BATT - Nokia and Motorola's common enemy
    JAN NEE KA SUN - American late night talk show host
    KUM HIA - Approach me
    WAN HUNG LOW - A person with partial hernia
    LAO ZEE SHO - A local TV program
    LAO ZEE - Not very good
    LIN CHING - An illegal execution
    MOON LAN DING - Successful American space program
    NEE AHN - A lighting fixture used in advertising signs
    TAI NEE BAE BEE - A premature infant
    TAI NEE POH NEE - A small horse
    TEN DING BAH - Serving drinks to people
    WAN BUM LUNG - A person with T.B.
    WA SHING KAH - Cleaning an automobile
    WAI SOH DIM - Are you trying to save electricity?
    WAI YEW SHAO TING - There is no reason to raise your voice
    YU MAI TEE TAN - You went sun bathing
     
  8. safewalrus
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    safewalrus Ancient Marriner

  9. westlawn5554X
    Joined: Aug 2006
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    westlawn5554X STUDENT

    Hmm... He must be on speed... toooooo fast...................:D:D:D
     
  10. safewalrus
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    safewalrus Ancient Marriner

    Toooooooo good!
     
  11. Fanie
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    Location: Colonial "Sick Africa"

    Fanie Fanie

    Why was the leper banned from the colony ?
    He dipped his bread in his buddies brain.

    Lepers playing cards... one threw his hand in and the others laughed their butts off.
     
  12. masalai
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    masalai masalai

    Nice one Fanie, My mum that they were amusing (she was embarrassed) but laughed. Almost thought the Apple one was serious news until the punch line.
     
  13. masalai
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    Location: cruising, Australia

    masalai masalai

    Two cattle drovers standing in an outback bar. One asked;
    "What are ya up to, Mate?"
    - - "Ahhh, I'm takin' a mob of 6000 head from Goondiwindi to Gympie"
    "Oh Year.... An what route will ya be takin'?"
    - - "Ah, prob'ly the Missus.... after all, she stuck by me durin' the drought."
     
  14. masalai
    Joined: Oct 2007
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    Location: cruising, Australia

    masalai masalai

    A tough old cowboy counselled his grandson that if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gun-powder on his oatmeal every morning.

    The grandson did this religiously all his life and lived to 103. When he died he left 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 great-grandchildren and a 15 meter hole where the crematorium used to be.
     

  15. masalai
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    Location: cruising, Australia

    masalai masalai

    Did you hear of the septic who claimed he was the person to invent:
    the refrigerator,
    Ugg boots
    catamaran hull form
    domestic petrol engine rotary lawn slasher
    the Aircraft black box
    Middle east oil deposits
    the diesel engine cycle
    the Wankel rotary engine

    He was lieing, still
     
    Last edited: Dec 4, 2007
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