Boat Jokes (we need a few laughs)

Philamon

A rich white guy decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all
of his buddies and neighbours.

He also invited Philamon, the token black guy in the neighborhood.

He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion.

Everyone was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp, oysters
and BBQ and flirting with the women.

At the height of the party, the rich white dude said,
"I have a 10 ft. man-eating crocodile in my pool and I'll give a
million bucks to anyone who has the balls to jump in."

The words were barely out of the rich white dude's mouth when there was a
loud splash and everyone turned around and saw Philamon in the pool!

Philamon was fighting the croc and kicking its ***!

He was jabbing the croc in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches,
doing all kinds of things like head butts and chokeholds, biting the croc
on the tail and flipping it through the air like some kind of Japanese
Judo Instructor.

The water was churning and splashing everywhere.Both Philamon and
the croc were screaming and raising hell.
Finally Philamon strangled the croc and let it sink to the bottom like
a sick goldfish.


Philamon then slowly climbed out of the pool.


Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief.

Finally the rich white guy says,


"Well, Philamon, I reckon I owe you a million bucks."

"No, that's okay. I don't want it," said Philamon

The rich white dude said,

"Man, I have to give you something. You won the bet. How about half a
million bucks then?"

"No thanks. I don't want it.", answered Philamon.

The white dude said,

"Come on, I insist on giving you something.That was amazing. How about
a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?"

The brother said no. The confused rich white guy said,
"Well, Philamon, then what do you want?"
Philamon answered,

"I want the name of the muthaf**ker who pushed me in the pool!"

Pericles

 

I'm sorry Frosty. Since I'm from a coutry where we are radical racists and discriminating against racial barriers (I'm sure you get news in other countries of how bad we are and how bad we treat em ), I really cannot explain to you what a 'Philamon' is.

Ask Pericles or Trevlyns. They would do it objectively

 

How does a Chinese woman tells her daughter to put the dog outside ?

Suzuki... !

Yamaha... ?

Kawasaki honda.

 

That's even better than police debriefing a cow!!

 

ain't it just!!!!

 

Boat jokes

Just spotted this one:


A husband and wife are having dinner at a fine restaurant when this
absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the
husband a big open-mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks
away.
The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who the hell was that?"
"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."
"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a
divorce."
"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a
divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in
Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Lexus and 4WDs in the
garage, and no more yacht club - but the decision is yours, of course."
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous girl on
his arm.
"Who's that woman with Jim?" asks the wife.
"That's his mistress," says her husband.
"Ours is prettier," she replies.

 

Pericles

Why does
your posts
come out
like this
???


It very difficult
to
read.

 

He was trying to give you a little exercise Frosty!
Besides, I liked the suspence!

 

Have you ever tried to say "black warrior river" really fast?

black warrior river, black walior river ,black wellier liver ,black walyiry liver--

I hope theres no marinas up there,--try calling that on the VHF

Black warrior river marina. Black wrll-----

 

Hey Frosty!!! 840 posts. Can we get 1000 in 6 days???? The challenge is ON!

Pass the word on to Fanie, Bergalia et al.

 

A 70 year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow."

The next day the 70 year old man reappears at the doctor's office and gives him the jar, which is as clean and empty as on - the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explains: "Well, doc, it's like this: First I tried with my right hand, but, nothing. Then I tried with-my left hand, but still nothing.

Then I asked my wife for help. She - tried with her right hand, with nothing. Then her left, but nothing. She - even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with the teeth-out, and still nothing.

We even called up the lady next door and-she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but nothing."

The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"

The old man replied, "yep, but no matter what we tried we couldn't get the DARN jar open!"

 

A fly is hovering over a water stream.
Inside the stream is a fish, thinking if that fly drops 100mm I can catch it.
Beside the stream is a bear hiding in the brush, watching the fish, thinking if that fish surfaces I can catch it.
Across the stream is a hunter, watching the bear, thinking if that bear moves out of the brush I can shoot it,
Behind the hunter there is a cat watching the hunters lunch half out of a pocket, thinking if the hunter leans foreward just a little bit the lunch will fall out of his pocket and I can jump, grab it and have a snack.

So, next thing you know the fly drops, the fish goes for it, the bear jumps out of the brush and takes a swoop at the fish, the hunter leans foreward to take his shot, and the lunch drops from his pocket. The cat jumps, but misjudges and lands in the water.

What's the moral of the story ?

Guess...

At least try !


The moral of the story is when the fly drops the ***** gets wet !

 

Bad Bernie was in prison for seven years. The day he got out, his wife and son were there to pick him up. He came through the gates and got into the car.

The only thing he said was, "F.F."

His wife turned to him and answered, "E.F."

Out on the highway, he said, "F.F."

She responded simply, "E.F."

He repeated, "F.F."

She again replied, "E.F."

"Mom! Dad!" their son yelled. "What's going on?"

Bad Bernie answered, "Your mother wants to eat first!"

 

The subway car was packed. It was rush hour, and many people were forced to stand.

One particularly cramped woman turned to the man behind her and said, "Sir, if you don't stop poking me with your thing, I'm going to the cops!"

"I don't know what you're talking about miss - that's just my pay check in my pocket."

"Oh really," she spat. "Then you must have some job, because that's the fifth raise you've had in the last half hour!"

 

My wife is so childish.

Every time I take a bath she just walks in and sink my battleships !