Boat Jokes (we need a few laughs)

Holy cr*p, I think I must be a week ahead of all of you. Didn't we have the duck one last week as well?
Ay Fanie - Magnum's my dad. My moustache makes Walruses look like a a newborn slug.

 

Fanie,

Just as well....

 

Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I am a puppy,---Mmm very interesting you had better get on the couch,---Im not allowed on the couch.

Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I am a pair of curtains,---Come on man pull yourself together.

Doctor Doctor Im sure people keep ignoring me,---NEXT PATIENT.

Doctor Doctor I cant stop stealing things,----Mmmm very interesting. Take these tablets and if they dont work could you get me a colour telly?

Doctor Doctor I have terrible body odour. --(Doctor gets a long poll) Oh what are you going to do with that Doctor. ----Im going to open the window.

Doctor Doctor I am addicted to Boat design .net-- jokes thread ( this joke still under construction)

 

So the doctor gives him a prescription - for a sense of humor

 

So what happens when the Doctor dies??

Well, a heart surgeon died, and the hospital put on a big funeral for him, all the other doctors were there.
His body was laid out in an open casket, an organist played music, and the priest gave a wonderful speach about the man.
Everyone loved the ceremony, and there was not a dry eye in the place.
To cap off the whole proceedings, at the end of the funeral a massive heart rolled up to the casket, opened like a clam shell, engulfed the doctor, casket and all, then closed and took him away.
People were crying, his family, the doctors and nurses, even the administrators of the hospital.
Except on doctor, who started laughing.
Everyone turned and stared at him.
"I'm sorry", he wept through tears of laughter, "but I'm a gynacologist"

 

D.U.I. - 'Bama Style!

From the town where drunk driving is considered a sport, comes this true story. Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a bar in Bessemer, Alabama. After last call, the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so apparently intoxicated that he could barely walk.

The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other
patrons left the bar and drove off.

Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off--it was a fine, dry summer night--,flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons' vehicles left. At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road.

The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and administered a breathalyzer test. To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all!

Dumbfounded, the officer said, I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the Sheriff's office. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken."

"I doubt it," said the truly proud non-drinker. "Tonight, I'm the designated decoy."

 

My friends father-in-law as a kid raided fruit fom a neighbouring farm (it was kinda tradition then) early one eavening, but his presence was given away by the dogs. The farmer gave chase and fater-in-law saw he was not gaining on the farmer. So he suddenly stopped and pretended to climb through a fence, then took off again. Next when he looked back he could see the farmer edging foreward feeling where the fence is... gave him the chance to escape.

 

Bet it only worked once!

 

The guy and his wife goes on a camping weekend in a resort, boat and all. So he pitches the tent, got the wife comfy and told her he's going for a spin in the boat, maybe catch a fish or two before dark.

When it got dark, the wife became worried, start asking other boaters if they havent seen her husband. So the husband is lost. A search party is immediately organized, people are launching boats, spotlights are everywhere, a big hollywood production. Just then the husband arrives, notices all the hoo ha and asks some of the guys what's going on. We're going to look for a guy who is lost. Great says the husband, I'm fueled and ready to go.

And so the husband with the search party spends all night looking for himself.

 

Fanie, I liked the Jack and Jill nursery rhyme . But here's another which I'm sure frosty will appreciate...

Jack and Jill fell down the hill
A stunt that's rather risky
If water made them act like that
I think I'll stick to whisky!

 

Hi Trev, there's a host of those nursery rhymes, just doesn't remember them all. Altzheimers lite or something...

This is a slight variation on Sternwheel's Rat -

Two boys were fishing when the game warden arrives. One boy jumps up and ran like hell. The game warden catches him a minute later, demanding to see his fishing license. The boy produced, and the warden wants to know why he was running, says the boy, my friend doesn't have a license. By this time the friend was long gone...

(Ok, who's your friend ? What friend ?)

 

Guy gets caught with a rare protected fish in his bucket. The guy then explains that this is a tame pet fish, he brings it with when he goes fishing so the fish can swim around and get some excersize. The guy seems so sincerely and convincing the warden doesn't know if he should believe the guy or not.
Here, let me show you, says the guy. Taking the fish and carefully letting it go in the water.
So they stood together looking at the water.
Ok, says the warden, now call it back.
Call what back ?
The fish...
What fish ?

 

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

Three boys sitting on the pavement, each reading a magazine. Priest approach first, asking what he's reading
a car book
what are you going to become when you grow up ?
a motor mechanic
second boy is reading a boat book
what are you going to become when you grow up ?
a sailor
third boy is reading a playboy
What is going to become of you when you grow up !
I don't care, I just want to grow up... !

 

Yup, sounds like me!

 

I didn't know you had a real name