Boat Jokes (we need a few laughs)

He's got you off to a tee thogh Snowball! (see I cnt spel ver wel eifer!)

 

There was this guy who was so well endowed, when he gets an ******** he passes out from anemia

 

Oh, I see my reputation travels before me …

 

Mate of mine wanted to be better endowed (honest, a mate, not me) so he went to the doctor.
Doctor said "There's not much I can do for you, but there is this new drug on trial, I suppose.."
He says "sure, i'll try it, i'll anything"
So the doctor gives him this tablet and he swallows it.
Says to the doc, "well I don't feel any bigger, how long does it take?"
Doc says, "I told you it was an experimental. Give it 5 minutes, then every time some one says "Pardon" to you, you'll grow another inch"

So as he leaves the doctors he bumps into a woman outside "Oh pardon me" she says, and whoosh, he grows an inch.
Thinking this is great he deliberately bumps into someone else "Pardon me" and another inch, you get the picture.
Anyway, he turns round the corner and bumps into an Arab who says "Oh a thousand pardons......"

 

....sorry, got off the track, this is supposed to be boat jokes isn't it.

Q. How do you sink a Thai submarine?
A. Knock on the door.

 

Oh Oh I keep getting deja vu its like being back in the school yard.

Thousand pardons???????/ Arnt you embarrased?

 

Boat jokes

From what I've heard Danish (and sheep do gossip) you are confusing the word 'reputation' with 'myth'.....

 

Boat jokes

Thank heavens for friendly policemen Fanie. I'm now safely returned....

 

Is that what they mean when they say "you get up my goat"?

 

:d :d :d :d :d :d :d :d :d :d :d :d :d :d :d

 

Didn't we have that one a few days ago? I want NEW jokes people

 

Or old vicars!!

 

Lead the way PI ! Show us how You're not somehow related to MAGNUM PI, are you ?

Next time you walk in front of someone (especially when it may be rude) you can always excuse yourself by - I apologise for walking in front but it's my inborn leadership qualities... you know (and they will sheepishly nod their heads in agreement if you look them streight in the face )

Oh, and next time you're driving, when there's a string of cars behind you - just because you're in front, doesn't mean you're the leader ok

 

"If you ain't the lead dog, the view never changes"


A big city-slicker lawyer went duck hunting. He shot and dropped a
bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.

As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on
his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded,
"I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to Retrieve it." The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are NOT coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the
country and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take
everything you own."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we
settle disputes in these parts . We settle small disagreements with
the 'Three Kick Rule.'"

The lawyer asked, "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?"
the Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I
get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up."

The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided
he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney.

His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel toed work boot into
the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick to
the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gush'n' from his mouth.

The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear
end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie. The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and dragged himself to his feet.

Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "O'kay, you old
goat. Now it's my turn."

(I love this part)

The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck."



A blonde was weed-eating her yard and accidentally cut off the tail of her cat which was hiding in the grass. She rushed her cat, along with the tail over to WALMART!

Why WALMART???
>
WALMART is the largest retailer in the world!!!


I know, I know. But I'm having a hard time remembering boat jokes!

 

Now this is really taking the piss...

Q. What kind of doctor fixes broken websites?

A. a URLologist.