Boat Jokes (we need a few laughs)

Two guys from Mississippi come to Alabama to go fishing. They rent a boat and head out on the lake. As soon as they start, they begin catching fish one right after another. Bob says to Frank "This is such a good spot, we should mark it!" Frank thinks about it for a second, then says "Tell you what, I'll put an X right here in the bottom of the boat!" Bob says "Your an Idiot" Frank says "Why?" Bob says "What if we don't get the same boat next time!

 

A feller from Florida decides to go Ice fishing. He heads out on the ice, stops and chops a hole, drops his line in, and waits. All of a sudden he hears a big, booming voice coming from nowhere, God maybe, that says "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!" Well, not getting any nibbles, He decides to move about forty yards and try again. Sitting there waiting, He hears that same booming voice again, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!!" So he jumps up and screams to the unseen voice, "Just how do you know there's no fish under the ice?" And the booming voice came back and said, "BECAUSE THIS IS THE SKATING RINK MANAGER, AND I'M TELLING YOU, THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!!!"

 

Then there was the pastor who pretended to be ill and couldn't attend his service, so someone else had to stand in for him. While the service was in session the pastor went fishing.

After a few minutes he hooked into the biggest fish you could imagine, and after a long struggle he finally landed the monster.

St Peter asked Lord, you saw what the pastor did, why allow him to catch such a fine fish ? apon which the Lord replied, who's he going to show or tell ?

 

A young bull and an old bull are in a valley.

The young bull says, "Hey look! There's a whole herd of cattle up on the hill. Let's run up there and mate with some of them!"

The old bull says, "I've got a better idea. Let's walk up, then mate with 'em all."

 

Boat jokes

When a fisherman's boat sank, he was lucky enough to make it to a deserted island. When the Coast Guard eventually found him, the Commanding Officer noticed there was a fire pit with California Condor feathers all around.

He went over to the fisherman and said, "You know, it's illegal to kill a California Condor, I'm afraid I'm going to have to arrest you."

The fisherman protested for some time saying that he killed it because he was going to starve but eventually he calmed down.

"Out of curiosity" the coastguard asked, "What did it taste like?"

The fisherman replied, " Well, it was kind of a mix between a snowy owl and a bald eagle."

 

Two guys out fishing on the ocean, one lands a fish. Suddenly the fish speaks.
If you release me, you can have any wish you want.
The guy throws the fish back into the water and wishes the whole sea would change into the finest beer there is. By golly, this happens, the sea turns into beer.

His mate says, you stupid ! Now we have to pee in the boat !

 

Man and wife out fishing. Same scenario, they cought a speaking fish granting them each a wish.

The wife wishes her busts would improve, and poof she's got two beauts. So the man thinks he better improve in the same area for his wife's sake and wishes his things would reach down to the ground, and poof, next moment his legs are two inches long.

 

Same scenario Guy out fishing, catches a speaking fish granting him a wish.

I want a highway build from here over the sea to the next continent so I can drive over there faster than sailing for business.

Impossible, says the fish, make another wish.

ok, says the guy, I want to understand my wife

You WHAT ! says the fish Oh dear no. How many lanes did you say that highway must have ?

 

Fanie that is a cracking joke that,---- well it was untill you turned the Genie into a talking fish,-- and cut the joke in half.

 

Fish are more forum related than tin jugs, aren't they ?

 

Looks like in irons to me

Oh well, nowadays you can't be too sure about manufacturing processes. For all you know the next generation of genie lamps may well be mould injected

Reminds me of the waman who wanted to commit suicide, her friend suggested she shot herself between the brests. The waman woke up in hospital with a shattered knee.

 

Drink up me mate... walrus

Walrus beware...

 

Afrikaans dad says to his son - I hear youve been playing with the English girl next door and that you two took your clothes off.

Son -Yes dad, I never knew there was such a big difference between Afrikaans and English...

( Te-he... I always knew the English was missing something )

 

Boat jokes

No Fanie - you're looking down the wrong end of the telescope...It means the Africaans are missing something....

 

a brain?????