BOAT JOKES (we need a few laughs)

Discussion in 'All Things Boats & Boating' started by brian eiland, Oct 29, 2006.

  1. Jolly Amaranto
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    Jolly Amaranto Junior Member

    A young woman was piloting her speed boat through a crowded section of a river channel at high speed. A river policeman intercepted and forced her to stop. After pulling up along side, he got out his clip board to write up a citation. "What is your first name miss?" "Freda sir." "And your last name?" "Gomam sir." "Sooo.....You're Freda Gomam." "Thank you." She replied, as she speeds away.
     
  2. Rurudyne
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    Rurudyne Senior Member

    Engineering Question:

    Conditions:
    A backhoe weighing 22 tons is on top of a lowboy trailer and heading east on the Trans-Canada Highway in Alberta . The extended shovel arm is made of hardened refined steel and the approaching overpass is made of commercial-grade concrete, reinforced with 1 inch steel rebar spaced at 6 inch intervals in a criss-cross pattern layered at 1 foot vertical spacing.

    Solve:
    When the shovel arm hits the overpass, how fast do you have to be going to slice the bridge in half?
    (Assume no effect for head wind and no braking by the driver)

    P.S. The driver was on his cell phone...
     
  3. Blueknarr
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    Blueknarr Senior Member

    Follow up question;

    How many tie downs required to keep the backhoe on trailer?
     
  4. Angélique
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    Angélique aka Angel (only by name)

    From some empirical testing, a full speed truck get you about halfway through...

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]
    Yes indeed, historical empirical testing has shown it needs to be tied down properly...

    [​IMG]

    But when they see it coming, they usually quickly remove the overpass...


    — for me sound only starts at about 0:41, and then stops at about 1:18, of 1:42 total video time —

    ‘‘ A 24-year-old overpass bridge in Nanchang, capital of east China's Jiangxi Province, was dismantled on Friday (Aug. 26, 2016) by 116 excavators to make way for the city's subway line. The job began at around 22:30 and the main body of the bridge was dismantled overnight. Thanks to the optimization of plan, the traffic was not affected. Residents praised the demolition as "highly efficient". ’’

    In addition to the empirical research, I'm naturally also interested in the real engineering answers . . !
     
    Last edited: Jun 12, 2019
  5. Rurudyne
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    Rurudyne Senior Member

    Somewhere there are pictures of boats that fared far less well than the overpass.
     
  6. philSweet
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    philSweet Senior Member

    When the shovel arm hits the overpass, how fast do you have to be going to slice the bridge in half?

    Assumption 1. The rebar was made in China for a US or Canadian based supplier.

    Assumption 2. The excavator arm was made in China for a Chinese manufacturer.

    Conclusion - probably not very fast.

    My first job was working on the Mississippi River at a place called Featherlite Concrete in Memphis. I was the rebar bender guy. I ran about 6 operations on up to seven tons of rebar each night. We had a couple roller tables, but that was all. Everything hand carried. Putting hooks on 10' stirups meant swinging 98 pounds of steel rod 23 feet long end to end over your head. I weighed 120 pounds at the time and I did this all night long. We poured a lot of precast bridge beams and parking garage decks there, but that's a Cast In Place (CIP) multicell boxbeam bridge. Those are designed for post tensioning. So it's not so much the rebar, but the post tension tendons that got snagged. You can see the tendons and how they flensed the rebar off of the bottom of the bridge for ten feet or more before breaking or pulling out of their terminations. Repairing post tensioned structures sucks. This one's a do-over. I wonder how the driver's insurance company is feeling about buying Canada a new bridge.

    Here's a nice little (389 page) pfd on CIP box beam bridge construction with lots of good pictures, for anyone interested. Rebar photos on page 14 and 15. Now image some kid working alone all night in a shed for $1.25 an hour fabbing all that. I cost the company more in leather gloves than in wages.

    https://www.fhwa.dot.gov/bridge/concrete/hif15016.pdf
     
  7. Angélique
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    Angélique aka Angel (only by name)

    Thanks for the technical info Phil, 120 lbs that's remarkable !

    About skilled work in China, there's now (apr. 15, 2019 article) opposition against 9-9-6-plus.

    (the schedule of standard working from 9 am to 9 pm, 6 days a week, which is without the overtime of often up to 20 hours a week, and also often without getting paid for the overtime, since they get a salary for their standard work already, and overtime is considered to be a standard element of their job)

    But then remember the gloves of the rebar bender guy, the animals got nothing for their skin, don't know how to pay for that . . !
     
    Last edited: Jun 14, 2019
  8. Angélique
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    Angélique aka Angel (only by name)

    I've noticed at the yellow Hyundai excavator the truck got loose from the lowboy trailer in the event, so maybe the driver only noticed the loss when he saw the "breaking" news on his cell phone, that is if he realized this was about his cargo before sending the interesting news item to his colleagues and boss and posted it on facebook . . :eek:
     
  9. Rurudyne
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    Rurudyne Senior Member

    That would truly be getting hoisted by your own petard. :)
     
  10. Angélique
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    Angélique aka Angel (only by name)

    Agree on that . . :)

    And, petards or the like are not out of fashion these days, new years eve in Kampen and region, in the Netherlands...


    river IJssel at ± 0:17



    They use chunks of calcium carbide and add water to form acetylene gas, and ignite through a small hole.
     
    Last edited: Jun 15, 2019
  11. Angélique
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    Location: Belgium ⇄ The Netherlands

    Angélique aka Angel (only by name)

    Official warning signs are placed by the municipality some days ahead of new years eve, for the public and anyone who passes by to take care...

    [​IMG]

    It all happens in peace and harmony, it only sounds and looks a bit different, melkbus = milk churn.

    ‘‘ ! Pas op ! melkbus schieten ’’ = ‘‘ ! Beware ! milk churn shooting ’’

    Outside the city seems to be less fun, maybe these are only the preparations for industrialization of the process...



    Dutch Wikipedia: Carbidschieten

    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Jun 15, 2019
  12. Rurudyne
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    Rurudyne Senior Member

    Chutzpah in Chicago: an alderman who plead guilty to wire fraud is in the sentencing phase of the proceedings and his lawyer argued “Since sending the previous aldermen to jail has not done anything to curb Chicago’s tidal wave of aldermanic corruption cases, there is no reason to think that sending Mr. Cochran to jail will,”.

    I must admit that real chutzpah, when it show up, always manages to impress.

    Former Ald. Cochran’s plea: Prison hasn’t stopped corruption — so don’t lock me up https://chicago.suntimes.com/city-hall/2019/6/6/18655928/former-ald-willie-cochran-plea-probation-prison-corruption-federal-sentencing
     
  13. Angélique
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    Angélique aka Angel (only by name)

    Eating has never stopped the pleading lawyer from getting hungry again, so the judge might as well ask him and his client to stop that habit, because it has proven not to be a definitive solution for nutritional needs. While locking up frauduleus aldermen in jail still has a little chance of definitive rehabilitation, and like the eating, as long as it's in there, it at least helps for a while.
     
    Last edited: Jun 15, 2019
  14. Rurudyne
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    Rurudyne Senior Member


  15. Rurudyne
    Joined: Mar 2014
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    Rurudyne Senior Member

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