BOAT JOKES (we need a few laughs)

Discussion in 'All Things Boats & Boating' started by brian eiland, Oct 29, 2006.

  1. Angélique
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    Angélique aka Angel (only by name)

  2. Rurudyne
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    Rurudyne Senior Member

    Sign definitely needs a comma.
     
  3. Angélique
    Joined: Feb 2009
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    Location: Belgium ⇄ The Netherlands

    Angélique aka Angel (only by name)

    [​IMG]
     
  4. Rurudyne
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    Rurudyne Senior Member

    What goes: zoom, screech, zoom, screech, zoom?

    A blonde going through a flashing red light.
     
  5. Angélique
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    Location: Belgium ⇄ The Netherlands

    Angélique aka Angel (only by name)

    Here's how that blonde parks in NYC.....

    A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title, and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the blonde returns and repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely; but we are a little puzzled. We checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is - why would you bother to borrow $5,000?" The blond replies....."Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
     
  6. Rurudyne
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    Rurudyne Senior Member

    True story, what goes "vroom, grind-grind vroom, grind, vroom!"

    The clutch of a Lamborghini that once left the stoplight I'd been sitting at too, heading north on (IIRC) Midway across Hebron in Carrollton, Tx. I cringed. Wondered which attitude had won out at the exotic car dealership (one was just a few blocks away, not necessarily where he'd bought it, but it was there): heartbreak over what was being done to a fine piece of machinery or happiness for all the repeat transmission repair business?
     
  7. Angélique
    Joined: Feb 2009
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    Location: Belgium ⇄ The Netherlands

    Angélique aka Angel (only by name)

    Some more parking....

     
  8. Angélique
    Joined: Feb 2009
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    Location: Belgium ⇄ The Netherlands

    Angélique aka Angel (only by name)

     
  9. SamSam
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    Location: Coastal Georgia

    SamSam Senior Member

     
  10. Rurudyne
    Joined: Mar 2014
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    Location: North Texas

    Rurudyne Senior Member

    Bounce Houses in the Sky



    A man named Fred went out walking his chocolate lab one blustery windy day,
    At the crosswalk he rested as he went along his way,
    When all at once a mighty castle of inflated walls he saw,
    A-plowin' through the ragged sky and up the cloudy draw!

    Faces peered out from the thing as with the wind it did slip,
    Their fingers clutching the nets their cries he could hear,
    A bolt of fears went through him as they tumbled through the sky,
    For he saw their dad's comin' hard and heard their mournful cry.

    Hold on, boys!
    Hold on tight!
    To your bounce house in the sky!

    Their faces pale, their eyes were teared,their shirts was soaked with sweat,
    They're running hard to catch that thing but they ain't caught it yet!
    'Cause the wind's blowing harder ever as into the sky they fly,
    The kids terror resounding as they fly on hear their cry.

    As the dads loped on by him, he heard one call his name,
    If you want to save your kids from this endure as they complain,
    'Cause, Fred, they'll try anything to make you rent these things,
    It just isn't worth the risk, get a trampoline!

    Hold on boys!
    Hold on tight!
    Damn these bounce houses in the sky!
     
  11. hoytedow
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    Location: North of Cuba

    hoytedow Wood Butcher

    Yee haw!
     
  12. Rurudyne
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    Location: North Texas

    Rurudyne Senior Member

    “We met at a place for the young and the beautiful,
    “You were the prettiest one by far,
    “A whirlwind romance and a wedding that was magical,
    “Till we found you and Dad making out behind the bar!

    (Groom’s mom turns around and joins in)

    “Where, oh where, are you tonight?
    “Why did you leave me here all alone?
    “I searched the world over and thought I’d found true love,
    “But you met another and, phbhththt, you were gone!”
     
  13. Rurudyne
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    Location: North Texas

    Rurudyne Senior Member

    Archaeologist have translated a clay tablet from Iran that suggest that lite beer was invented in ancient times.

    Apparently it was a Greek recipe called Hop Lite.
     
  14. SamSam
    Joined: Feb 2005
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    Location: Coastal Georgia

    SamSam Senior Member


  15. Rurudyne
    Joined: Mar 2014
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    Location: North Texas

    Rurudyne Senior Member

    A New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector called and asked to speak to his client.

    "Saul, I have some good news and I have some bad news."

    The art collector replied, "You know, I've had an awful day, Jack, so let's hear the good news first."

    The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she has invested only$5,000 in two very nice pictures that she thinks will bring somewhere between $5 and $10 million ... and I think she could be right."

    Saul replied enthusiastically, "Holy cow! Well done! My wife is a brilliant business woman, isn't she? You've just made my day. Now, I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?"

    The lawyer replied, "The pictures are of you and your secretary!"
     
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