Boat Jokes (we need a few laughs)

[yipster]

Yeah, where are the day's they nailed our other foot down too when running around to much

 

[thudpucker]

Yip you just made a description of the Government.
Hustling around with one foot nailed to the floor.

 

[ancient kayaker]

Only way you can keep them govenmint folk on the straight and narrow . . .

 

[El_Guero]

One day an old German Shepherd started chasing rabbits and before long, discovered he was lost. Wandering about, he noticed a young panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old German Shepherd thought, "Uh oh! I'm in deep trouble now!"

Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settled down to chew on them with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the panther was about to leap, the old German Shepherd exclaimed, "Boy, that was one delicious panther! I wonder if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the young panther halted his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror came over him, and he slunk away into the trees.

"Whew!" said the panther, "That was close! That old German Shepherd nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a squirrel, who had watched the whole scene from a nearby tree, figured he could put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther. So, off he went to spill the beans and strike a deal.

The young panther was furious at being made a fool of and said, "Here, squirrel, hop on my back and watch what I do to that conniving canine!"

Now, the old German Shepherd saw the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thought, "What am I going to do now?" But instead of running, the dog sat down with his back to his attacker and pretended he hadn't seen them yet. Just when they get close enough to hear, the old German Shepherd said…

"Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!"

Don't mess with the old dogs! Age and skill always overcome youth.

That one is worth a repeat .... especially if you change Shepard to Russian Mastiff, (aka Russian Shepard, Ovcharka).

'Dem are BIG puppies.

 

[philSweet]

Re the "old school" ways. Way WAY too close to home. I spent most of the seventh grade trying to set an abandoned coal mine on fire. Failed, thank goodness, but not before I learned a lot of engineering in the process, and not to mention how to manufacture plastic explosives from the supplies in the chemistry lab at school. My friends and I made QUANTITIES of nitrogen tri-iodide. We had it dialed in to the point we were making "fly paper" which would explode when a fly landed on it. You can have a lot of fun with explosives. We used to have to wash the blackboards with a sponge and water. Mix a little NI3 and the next time you tried to write on the blackboard, the chalk would fritter away. You could soak the chalk in the stuff as well, but that took some art to get right if you didn't want to blow the teacher's fingers off. Word got out pretty fast. Don't mess with the nerds. Bad stuff happens. Yes, if it happened today, we would make the national news. Just imagine if somebody discovered a 2 gallon bucket of dilute plastique in a locker today. I had Saran wrap on it to stop it from drying out, and it won't do anything until dry.

 

[ancient kayaker]

Ah, the old NI3, every science students favorite. It had a tendency to turn up inside one's gym shoes, where it would make its presence felt (and heard) in due course as it dried out. The NI3 on the chalk never worked for me but other tricks did. It's not much of an explosive though, it's too hard to get a decent amount all dried out before part of it pops off.

I too was involved in many a prank, my favorite was in the Physics laboratory, equipped with nice benches all conveniently wired to a central bank of batteries. Spent a busy evening winding tubes filled with flash powder and an ignition wire, which were duly attached to the terminals under the benches the next day. The physics teacher had foolishly revealed earlier that electrical experiments would take place, and that one happened a bit sooner than he planned, as soon as he threw the switch! The noise was awesome and the place was filled with smoke.

My finest moment however was a tiny wooden wedge under the loud pedal of the grand piano in the great hall. It was played each morning when the entire school assembled. I leave the rest to your imagination . . .

 

[troy2000]

Re the "old school" ways. Way WAY too close to home. I spent most of the seventh grade trying to set an abandoned coal mine on fire. Failed, thank goodness, but not before I learned a lot of engineering in the process, and not to mention how to manufacture plastic explosives from the supplies in the chemistry lab at school. My friends and I made QUANTITIES of nitrogen tri-iodide. We had it dialed in to the point we were making "fly paper" which would explode when a fly landed on it. You can have a lot of fun with explosives. We used to have to wash the blackboards with a sponge and water. Mix a little NI3 and the next time you tried to write on the blackboard, the chalk would fritter away. You could soak the chalk in the stuff as well, but that took some art to get right if you didn't want to blow the teacher's fingers off. Word got out pretty fast. Don't mess with the nerds. Bad stuff happens. Yes, if it happened today, we would make the national news. Just imagine if somebody discovered a 2 gallon bucket of dilute plastique in a locker today. I had Saran wrap on it to stop it from drying out, and it won't do anything until dry.

I want some of that fly paper.....

 

[philSweet]

In order to get a decent amount dried out, you needed surface area. Lots of it. The janitor's mop bucket was good for a couple thousand square feet. It was effective at stopping cheats from passing answers through the door's window during last period exams. BANG. BANG BANG Bang Bang bang bang as the fiend ran away down the hall.
Unfortunately after the the class was over, the mop and bucket were gone. I'd wanted to rinse them out. I hope the janitor didn't just hang the mop up on a peg.

Rule number one - always make sure you have enough ceiling tiles to to handle a worst case scenario.

In high school, the chem teacher also had the DEA and state police contract for testing unknowns. No mass spectrometers, just basic chemistry in a rather well equipped lab by public school standards. He nearly blew the place to smithereens once when he goofed on a batch of reagent. He took the lid off the stuff a week later and fuming acid blew the lid out of his hand and then the whole glass gallon jug exploded about 2 seconds later. Those two seconds probably saved his life. I was in the room at the time. LOTS of ceiling tiles that time.

 

[oldsailor7]

When I was at school we used to "obtain" concentrated Nitric Acid from the chem lab and soak old under vest material with it. When it had dried out we had Gun Cotton. Unfortunately, one day, we stuffed a glass jam jar with it. It overheated and self ignited. A glass shrapnel bomb is no fun, believe me.

 

[sctpc]

An elderly,white-haired man, walked into a jewellry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young blonde at his side.

He told the jeweller he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweller looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The old man said, "No, I'd like to see something more special."

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," he said.

The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, "By check. I know you need to make sure my check clears so I'll write it now, and you can call the bank on Monday morning to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up on Monday afternoon," he said..

On Monday morning, the jeweller 'phoned the old man and said "Sir, there's no money in that account."

"I know," said the old man, "but let me tell you about my weekend!"

 

[sctpc]

Not many people know of this interesting fact!



In 1872 the New Zealanders invented the condom, using a sheep's bladder.

In 1873 the Australians somewhat refined the idea by taking the bladder out of the sheep first.

 

[rxcomposite]

This is really funny.

http://itzhakts.wordpress.com/2011/11/29/revocation-of-independence/

Click further to see how the Americans answered back.

Now don't start a war. The Americans and the British are just heckling each other.

 

[hoytedow]

I am laughing.

 

[ancient kayaker]

I laugh to, even with the "U". One point though, I think Baseball should be allowed but only when played by schoolgirls and it should be called Rounders.

 

[troy2000]

I laugh to, even with the "U". One point though, I think Baseball should be allowed but only when played by schoolgirls and it should be called Rounders.

One of the sadder things I've seen in the news was a Catholic school in Arizona forfeiting a playoff baseball game last year, because the opposing school had a girl on its team.