Boat Jokes (we need a few laughs)

Discussion in 'All Things Boats & Boating' started by brian eiland, Oct 29, 2006.

  1. Frosty

    Frosty Previous Member

    Im sure its 0ne -two- three- four-- what are we fighting for!!!!

    four rhymes with for.
     
  2. souljour2000
    Joined: Aug 2009
    Posts: 481
    Likes: 14, Points: 18, Legacy Rep: 195
    Location: SW Florida

    souljour2000 Senior Member

    Yeah but if you know the first few words of that well-known Country Joe and the Fish song...it don't all have to be recited...Frost...

    BTW..when I was about 7-8 years old we had just rented a new house in Arlington,VA and finding the attic pull-down stairs I ventured into the attic to properly explore it for the first time and proceeded to find the complete Woodstock album set....and thanks to the above song...for the next month I learned some new words that rhyme with buck or at least how to spell them ...not sure what happened but mom probably removed that one day...anyways...back to the jokes..

    Okay...this one may have been offensive to some so I changed the joke in light of a recent news story....and it's about the only joke I can ever remember...so here it is in hybrid....


    Q. What do you call four foundering Mexican Fishing boats that are each about to sink due to the fact they each are overburdened with 20 ft+ great white sharks?


    A. .Cuatro...Cinco!

    buh-bo-bu-bah :eek: :D
     
  3. Frosty

    Frosty Previous Member

    You might have changed it a tad too much as I dont understand --it wont keep me awake tonight thinking about it though.
     
  4. hoytedow
    Joined: Sep 2009
    Posts: 5,848
    Likes: 392, Points: 93, Legacy Rep: 2489
    Location: Control Group

    hoytedow Carbon Based Life Form

    Here's some Old English from the poem called The Wanderer:
    "Geond lagu lade longe sceolde hreran
    mid hondum hrim cealde sæ
    wadan wræclastas
    wyrd bið ful aræd."

    I tried not to change it.

    Source: The Exeter Book at http://www.carlanayland.org/exile/index.htm
     
  5. hoytedow
    Joined: Sep 2009
    Posts: 5,848
    Likes: 392, Points: 93, Legacy Rep: 2489
    Location: Control Group

    hoytedow Carbon Based Life Form

    Or you might like this one:

    There were two cats, 1 2 3 cat and un deux trois cat, they had a swimming race from England to France. Who won?














    1 2 3 Cat because Un deux trois quatre cinq (un deux trois cat sank) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Riddle
     
  6. Frosty

    Frosty Previous Member

    I havnt heard that joke since school congratulations for having the bottle to tell it.
     
  7. SheetWise
    Joined: Jul 2004
    Posts: 279
    Likes: 54, Points: 0, Legacy Rep: 658
    Location: Phoenix

    SheetWise All Beach -- No Water.

    [​IMG]
     
    1 person likes this.
  8. Fanie
    Joined: Oct 2007
    Posts: 4,603
    Likes: 174, Points: 63, Legacy Rep: 2484
    Location: Colonial "Sick Africa"

    Fanie Fanie

    Bamby I owe you for that one !

    EXACTLY the same going on here, we are just slightly ahead of you though :(
     
  9. hoytedow
    Joined: Sep 2009
    Posts: 5,848
    Likes: 392, Points: 93, Legacy Rep: 2489
    Location: Control Group

    hoytedow Carbon Based Life Form

    Sad in so many ways, yet funny in at least one.

    We'll miss you great American Bandstand man.

    [​IMG]
     
  10. Redtick
    Joined: Jul 2009
    Posts: 21
    Likes: 7, Points: 0, Legacy Rep: 82
    Location: usa

    Redtick Junior Member

    A Preacher was seated next to a Good Ole Cajun Boy on a flight to Baton Rouge. After the plane took off, the Cajun asked for a whiskey and ice, which was brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the preacher if he would like a drink. Appalled, the preacher replied, "I'd rather be tied up and taken advantage of by women of ill-repute than let whiskey touch my lips."

    The Cajun jumped up and handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice."
     
  11. Minusadegree
    Joined: Jan 2012
    Posts: 23
    Likes: 8, Points: 0, Legacy Rep: 141
    Location: Ct, USA

    Minusadegree Junior Member

    Frozen Crabs & the Blonde Stewardess

    A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde stewardess to take care of them for him.

    She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator.

    He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out.
    Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behaviour.

    Shortly before landing in New York , she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin . . ..Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs in New Orleans please raise your hand?" Not one hand went up ..... so she took them home and ate them.

    Two lessons here:
    1. Lawyers aren't as smart as they think they are.
    2. Blondes aren't as dumb as most folks think.
     
  12. Bamby
    Joined: Jun 2009
    Posts: 5
    Likes: 43, Points: 0, Legacy Rep: 889
    Location: USA near Wheeling, W.V.

    Bamby Junior Member

    How Banks Really Work

    Q: What are banks for?
    A: To make money.


    Q: For the customers?
    A: For the banks.


    Q: Why doesn't bank advertising mention this?
    A: It would not be in good taste. But it is mentioned by implication in references to reserves of $249,000,000,000 or
    thereabouts. That is the money they have made.


    Q: Out of the customers?

    A: I suppose so.


    Q: They also mention Assets of $500,000,000,000 or thereabouts. Have they made that too?
    A: Not exactly. That is the money they use to make money.


    Q: I see. And they keep it in a safe somewhere?
    A: Not at all. They lend it to customers.


    Q: Then they haven't got it?
    A: No.


    Q: Then how is it Assets?
    A: They maintain that it would be if they got it back.


    Q: But they must have some money in a safe somewhere?
    A: Yes, usually $500,000,000,000 or thereabouts. This is called Liabilities.


    Q: But if they've got it, how can they be liable for it?
    A: Because it isn't theirs.


    Q: Then why do they have it?
    A: It has been lent to them by customers.


    Q: You mean customers lend banks money?
    A: In effect. They put money into their accounts, so it is really lent to the banks.


    Q: And what do the banks do with it?
    A: Lend it to other customers.


    Q: But you said that money they lent to other people was Assets?
    A: Yes.


    Q: Then Assets and Liabilities must be the same thing?
    A: You can't really say that.


    Q: But you've just said it! If I put $100 into my account the bank is liable to have to pay it back, so it's Liabilities. But they
    go and lend it to someone else and he is liable to have to pay it back, so it's Assets. It's the same $100 isn't it?
    A: Yes, but....


    Q: Then it cancels out. It means, doesn't it, that banks haven't really any money at all?
    A: Theoretically....


    Q: Never mind theoretically! And if they haven't any money, where do they get their Reserves of $249,000,000,000 or
    thereabouts??
    A: I told you. That is the money they have made.


    Q: How?
    A: Well, when they lend your $100 to someone they charge him interest.


    Q: How much?
    A: It depends on the Bank Rate. Say five-and-a-half percent. That's their profit.


    Q: Why isn't it my profit? Isn't it my money?
    A: It's the theory of banking practice that....


    Q: When I lend them my $100 why don't I charge them interest?
    A: You do.


    Q: You don't say. How much?
    A: It depends on the Bank Rate. Say a half percent.


    Q: A whole half percent? Greedy of me, no?
    A: But that's only if you're not going to draw the money out again.


    Q: But of course I'm going to draw the money out again! If I hadn't wanted to draw it out again I could have buried it in
    the garden!
    A: They wouldn't like you to draw it out again.


    Q: Why not? If I keep it there you say it's a Liability. Wouldn't they be glad if I reduced their Liabilities by removing it?
    A: No. Because if you remove it they can't lend it to anyone else.


    Q: But if I wanted to remove it they'd have to let me?
    A: Certainly.


    Q: But suppose they've already lent it to another customer?
    A: Then they'll let you have some other customer's money.


    Q: But suppose he wants his too... and they've already let me have it?
    A: You're being purposely obtuse.


    Q: I think I'm being astute. What if everyone wanted their money all at once?
    A: It's the theory of banking practice that they never would.


    Q: So what banks bank on, is not having to meet their commitments?
    A. Correct!

    In Banking "The Jokes on Us"
     
    1 person likes this.
  13. hoytedow
    Joined: Sep 2009
    Posts: 5,848
    Likes: 392, Points: 93, Legacy Rep: 2489
    Location: Control Group

    hoytedow Carbon Based Life Form

    What a way to end 400 pages(almost)!
     
  14. ancient kayaker
    Joined: Aug 2006
    Posts: 3,497
    Likes: 147, Points: 0, Legacy Rep: 2291
    Location: Alliston, Ontario, Canada

    ancient kayaker aka Terry Haines

    1 person likes this.

  15. yipster
    Joined: Oct 2002
    Posts: 3,486
    Likes: 96, Points: 58, Legacy Rep: 1148
    Location: netherlands

    yipster designer

    and its going on with added drama in belgium above :p
     
Loading...
Similar Threads
  1. Swamp_Yankee
    Replies:
    2
    Views:
    152
  2. Riho
    Replies:
    0
    Views:
    109
  3. Squidly-Diddly
    Replies:
    7
    Views:
    154
  4. Hive_Zach
    Replies:
    14
    Views:
    361
  5. sdowney717
    Replies:
    3
    Views:
    491
  6. Sandith Thandasherry
    Replies:
    0
    Views:
    274
  7. sdowney717
    Replies:
    8
    Views:
    413
  8. masterdesign
    Replies:
    0
    Views:
    333
  9. christoph le
    Replies:
    8
    Views:
    463
  10. wet feet
    Replies:
    14
    Views:
    588
Forum posts represent the experience, opinion, and view of individual users. Boat Design Net does not necessarily endorse nor share the view of each individual post.
When making potentially dangerous or financial decisions, always employ and consult appropriate professionals. Your circumstances or experience may be different.