Boat Jokes (we need a few laughs)

Yes, the first !

 

"If a man speaks at sea where no woman can hear, is he still wrong?"- Stu Fyfe, The WoodenBoat Forum

 

"If a man speaks at sea where no woman can hear, is he still wrong?"- ....of course he is, are you not married?

 

Well yes, but at sea which female counts, the boat or the wife? Oh, I get it - either way I'm wrong . . .

 

Maybe we should start a whole new thread for this . . .

 

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=404191121066&set=t.512136066&type=1&theater

 

Why does a woman always have the last word in an argument?


Because if he says anything in reply, it just starts another argument.

 

A travelling salesman is driving his car in the countryside when it suddenly stops and refuses to start again.
Annoyed he lifts the hood and starts looking at the motor and stuff, when all of a sudden he hears a voice behind him saying 'sparkplug trouble'.
He turns around to see and finds himself looking at a horse.
Totally upset he starts running and, when coming into a small village, goes to the local bar and orders a double whiskey.
'The strangest thing happened to me', he starts telling the people in the bar, and tells them what happened.
After this story one of the men asks him 'was it a white or a black horse?'
'A white horse' the man answers.
'Ah, take no notion of him, doesn't know nothing about cars'.

 

The Chinese government announced that excavations at a historical site showed copper cables at 40 feet below ground - verdict - China had invented long distance communications capability during ancient time. This report was followed by another from an African country. They dug 70 feet and found nothing, which clearly proved that they had wireless communication capability in ancient times.

 

A dad buys a lie detector robot which slaps people when they lie.

He decides to test it at dinner.
"Son, where were you today?"
Son says "at school Dad".
Robot slaps son!
"Ok, I watched a DVD at my mates!"
"What DVD?"
"Toy Story"
Robot slaps the son again!
"Ok, it was a porno" cries the son.
"What! When I was your age I didn't know what **** was" says the dad.
Robot slaps the dad!
Mum laughs "Hahaha! He's certainly your son."
Robot slaps the Mum!

 

Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas.

As luck would have it, a Texaco Gasoline station was just a block away.

She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas. The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been

loaned out, but she could wait until it was returned. Since Sister Mary Ann was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait

and walked back to her car.

She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient.

Always resourceful, Sister Mary Ann carried the bedpan to the station,filled it with gasoline, and carried the full bedpan back to her car.

As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two Baptists watched from across the street.. One of them turned to the other and said,

'If it starts, I'm turning Catholic.'!!

 

Payday


A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But it was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire pay check.
When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging and said to him, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"
He replied, "That would be fine with me."
Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. But on Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

 

LMAO, maybe you should have posted that over in the discussions on gas prices

 

Not picking on anyone in particular. But when I read some posts from people listing what they want in a boat plan, I'm reminded of this old chestnut:

A lady went to see a horse trader and told him, "I want to buy a horse. It must be strong, because my husband will be using it for plowing. It needs to be gentle and smooth gaited, so my daughter can ride it. My son likes match racing, so it must be very fast. It should also have a smart appearance and be buggy-trained, because I will be using it for church and social functions."

The horse trader looked her over carefully for a long minute. Then he said, "I see. And will madam also be wishing to milk this horse?"

 

- . .
click^ for big. (source)

Cheers,
Angel