Boat Jokes (we need a few laughs)

How to prevent truck theft

 

Google's new GPS function in SA

 

Masalai going off to those islands makes one wonder eh !

 

Latest cartoon on our power company Eskom !

 

Road safety

 

Eh eh eh only in Efrica

 

These popup tests on every second website

 

Ah yes lets not forget the successful soccer event here !

 

Zuma's aids cure...

 

Almost cracked myself on this one !

 

David Frizzell, "I'm Gonna Hire a Wino...


I came crawling home last night, like many nights before:
I finally made it to my feet as she opened up the door.
And she said, "You're not gonna do this anymore."

She said: "I'm gonna' hire a wino to decorate our home,
"So you'll feel more at ease here, and you won't have to roam.
"We'll take out the dining room table, and put a bar along that wall.
"And a neon sign, to point the way, to our bathroom down the hall."

She said: "Just bring your Friday paycheck, and I'll cash them all right here.
"And I'll keep on tap - for all your friends, their favorite kinds of beer.
"And for you, I'll always keep in stock, those soft aluminum cans.
"And when you're feeling macho, you can crush them like a man."

She said: "We'll rip out all the carpet, and put sawdust on the floor.
"Serve hard boiled eggs and pretzels, and I won't cook no more.
"There'll be Monday night football, on T.V. above the bar.
"And a pay phone in the hallway, when your friends can't find their car."

She said: "I'm gonna' hire a wino ...

She said: "You'll get friendly service, and for added atmosphere.
"I'll slip on something sexy, and I'll cut it clear to here.
"Then you can slap my bottom, every time you tell a joke.
"Just as long as you keep tipping, well, I'll laugh until you're broke."

She said: "Instead of family quarrels, we'll have a bar-room brawl,
"When the Ham's bear say's its closing time, you won't have far to crawl.
"And when you run out of money, you'll have me to thank.
"You can sleep it off next morning, when I'm putting it in the bank."

She said: "I'm gonna' hire a wino, to decorate our home,
"So you can feel more at ease here, and you won't have to roam.
"When you and your friends get off from work, and have a powerful thirst.
"There won't be any reason, why you can't stop off here first."

She said: "I'm gonna' hire a wino...

 

Eh Troy, where are the other 27 versus ?

 

Koos went hunting one day and shot two Impala. He loaded them onto the
back of his bakkie and was driving home when
stopped by a philamon Game Warden who did not like hunters.

The warden ordered Koos to show him his hunting licence, which was
duly produced. Then the warden lifted the covers off the bakkie and
stuck his nose into one of the bucks' behinds.


"Haaikona this is not a local Impala. It's from the Free State and you
need a Free State licence to kill it. Do you have one?"

Koos opened the cubby and produced one.

Not happy the warden sniffed the anus of the other animal and
gleefully shouted: "This one is from Lesotho. Do you have a Lesotho
licence?"

Koos went back to his cubby and produced a Lesotho licence.

The warden was very agitated and shouted: "Where the hell do you come from?"

Koos smiled, turned around, dropped his pants to his ankles, bent
forward and said:

"Come smell ....... you're the expert !"

 

Hi Bob, I really need your advice on a serious problem:

I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.
The usual signs: if the phone rings and I answer, the caller hangs up;
she goes out with the girls a lot. I try to stay awake to look out for
her when she comes home but I usually fall asleep.

Anyway last night about midnight I hid in the shed behind the boat. When
she came home she got out of someone's car buttoning her blouse, then
she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on.

It was at that moment crouched behind the boat that I noticed a hairline
crack in the outboard engine mounting bracket.

Is that something I can weld or do I need to replace it?

 

LOL. That is a BOAT JOKE.