Boat Jokes (we need a few laughs)

After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring.
He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.
The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

 

Birthdays -
Will on growing older:

Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me; I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren't paved.

When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of algebra.

You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.

One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it's such a nice change from being young.

One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.

Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf.

If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you're old."

 

I have some nice Afrikaans jokes too, any of you illiterates want to hear them

 

If translated to ENGLISH English? - - - - - - - - - - - I must "spread it" before I can add to your 'reputation'.....................................................................................................................................

 

Jannie, sewe jaar oud, kom by die huis en vra vir sy ma of hulle bietjie kan "man en vrou" speel net toe hy van die skool af kom. Sy ma stem in, en Jannie gooi sy tas op die vloer neer en plak homself in die rusbank. Net soos sy pa altyd doen. Hy skree vir sy ma "Ou vrou, bring vir my 'n lekker dop" En flink bring Jannie se ma vir hom 'n lekker groot glas Oros. Na 'n rukkie skree hy vir sy ma: "Ou vrou, bring vir my 'n lekker bord kos." En sy ma brink vir hom 'n kaas en tamatie toebroodjie. Dan se hy vir sy ma: "Ou vrou, gaan kamer toe, ek kry jou nou daar."
Die ma besluit toe om saam te speel, en kyk of Jannie nie miskien onheilighede by die skool leer nie.
Jannie se ma gaan le en op die bed. Jannie het ingekom, met die koerant (net soos sy pa altyd maak). Na 'n rukkie se lees, vou hy die koerant netjies op en sit dit langs die bed neer.
Hy draai om na sy ma en begin sag haar hare streel.
Hy se; saggies in haar oor: "Ou vrou, dink jou nie dis tyd dat ons vir Jannie 'n nuwe fiets koop nie".

 

huh - - - SO how are things hanging with all you saffas? - It is bloody near midnight there, are you pissed or getting that way?

 

Good morming class
Good morning miss, says one kid
Why do only you answer ?
Because I am the only one named Klaas miss...

 

Hey Mas, everything is hanging down here by us, not sure about pissed, but piss cold ok ! Bloody winter, this global warming is a hoax !

 

You figgered how to find you way at sea yet ?
Here's a hint !

 

What can one say eh !

 

Fixing boat leaks

 

Who says you can't do business from a boat ?

 

How to make money from drinking !

 

Wives with booze problems

 

What can you say...