Boat Jokes (we need a few laughs)

There are lots more ... Here are two more that gave me a smirk...

 

a small selection from... http://www.ahajokes.com/russia_jokes.html - - all with a nice "bite"............

When Stalin was in office, he once noted that there were mice in his study and complained to President Kalinin about this. The President thought for a moment and suggested, "Why don't you put up a sign reading 'Collective Farm'? Half the mice will die of hunger and the other half will run away."
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Three prison inmates were locked in the same cell; they soon began talking. "What are you here for?" asked one inmate of another. "They put me in for beating up some old Jew named Khaimovich," snarled one man. "And why are you here?" asked the second of the first. "For having defended some old Jew named Khaimovich in a fight," he replied. "And what were you arrested for?" the third inmate was asked. "For being Khaimovich," he sighed.
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What is 150 yards long and eats potatoes?
A Moscow queue waiting to buy meat.
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What occupies the last 6 pages of the Lada User's Manual?
The bus and train timetables.
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One night, Erich Honnecker was in the bedchamber having some pillow talk with his mistress. He was in a magnanimous mood and offered her a present of her choice. She thought about his offer for a moment and then replied, "Oh, Erich, if there is one thing I would like you to do for me, it is this: open the borders just for one day." Honnecker said, "Of course, my dear," but was a bit puzzled by her request. He asked, "But why would you have me do such a thing?" The mistress replied, "I want to be alone with you."
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A dejected Communist Party candidate trudges home after the polls close. "So, Marek, how many votes did you get?" asks his wife. "Two," he responds. She slaps him hard across the face. "What was that for?"

"You have a mistress, now do you!!?"

 

http://toperjokes.blogspot.com/ "Russian and Ukrainian Jokes in English - - The best Russian and Ukrainian jokes translated into English. This collection proves that humor is not lost in translation." but they all seem to be jewish?

http://www.russian-jokes.com/political_jokes/one_liners.shtml
How do you relate to the Soviet government?
Like a wife: part habit, part fear and wish to God I had a different one.

A man ran through the streets of Moscow shouting: 'Krushchev is a swine!'
He was seized and given twenty-one years: one year for defamation, and twenty years for leaking state secrets.

 

Why did they go bankrupt then or was that just a automotive thing?
(and OMC)
The best defense is productivity, union plant versus non and who builds the car faster and how much do you get paid
I guess it was like Merc and OMC, their lazy approach to product upgrades/innovation and lowering of quality in the 90's drove the oppostion to US shores.
( along with several cases of dumping product below cost due to the hand in glove operation between Jap banks/gov and business)
That had to be management decisions.


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and a joke

With Apologies to friends (and family) across the Border


One afternoon a Scotsman was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass.
Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?" "We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."
"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the Scotsman said.
"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree."
"Bring them along," the Scotsman replied.
Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us, also."
The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!"
"Bring them all, as well," the Scotsman answered.
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was.
Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the Scotsman and said, "Sir, you are too kind.. Thank you for taking all of us with you.”
The Scotsman replied, "Glad to do it.
"You'll really love my place.

"The grass is almost a foot high.

 

You think maybe it's possible they went bankrupt because management had its head up its collective arse, and made bad choices? I realize that's a heavy concept to wrap your head around--especially if you believe assembly-line workers are all greedy, lazy ********, and corporate executives are all loyal, hard-working geniuses....

But the average Fortune 500 CEO is now 'earning' 300+ times what the average American worker is making. Seems reasonable to me that we should expect them to be 300 times as smart... so why did they promulgate defective policies that led their companies into bankruptcy to begin with?

 

I'm with you troy
getting a pay rise whilst you steer your company down the drain is called Capitalism
to join that club you have to had been educated by Solomon Bros who engineered for themselves a pay rise whilst their former students destroyed the company, the US

 

powerabout & Troy - - More fuel for the fire http://rt.com/programs/keiser-report/episode-153-keiser-report/
It is a bloody joke that these financial rapists still operate with impunity...

 

A 2x4x8 is 96" long, even when it is cut by a union member, when he isn't on strike.

 

And a 2x4 x 92-1/4" isn't 96" long....

 

Troy,
What happens if I demanded 9 ft ceilings, (as in our present home), or, heaven forbid, 12 ft clearance ceilings, as in some of the older 'Queenslander' style homes built 100 years ago - ?

 

Yeah Masalia, you bloody Queenslanders have used too much atmosphere with your tall buildings, that's why we are short on Oxygen. And then you burn Sugar Cane and dump a whole pile of Carbon.

You even put houses on stumps so you can stuff up the upper atmosphere.

Actually I was told the cane fires are brilliant to watch, so we were parked up a hill to see if we could spot one to go to. But didn't get to see one.

 

We burn sugar cane here, too. CO2 to keep ice age away.

 

For nine foot ceilings you'd buy 104-1/4" studs, instead of 92-1/4' ones. Some places keep them in stock, if they cater to contractors. But if you wanted them from your typical neighborhood lumber store, you'd probably have to order them.

If you were going to build a whole house or an addition, you'd probably order a complete framing package ahead of time anyway. Most lumber stores have estimators who will do a free take-off from your plans, make a list, and give you a total price delivered. Often you can have the package pre-cut, and still come out better than you would paying retail lumber prices for uncut boards.

 

You mean ... they would only keep the units that made what people wanted to buy? I'm shocked!

Point? Companies get restructured, shut down, and bought out all of the time. You should know it, negatively, as creative destruction. I know it, lovingly, by the same term -- more influenced by Schumpeter than Marx.

I remember when you could find A&P's all over the place. Who cares? And as I recall, the government instituted an anti-trust suit against them ...

Serious concessions? Apparently not enough to allow a free market solution.

Sorry -- my next purchase is a Ford.

 

dont forget OZ also exports gas and processing it is probably one of the worst CO2 offenders there is, I notice that always seems to be convienently forgotten.