Boat Jokes (we need a few laughs)

Best 2 vehicles I ever owned; Toyota Tacoma. I ain't joking.

Worst 2 vehicles I ever owned; Chevy and Chrysler.

Of the union made garbage Ford was the best, built in Windsor was the one I owned. Thank you, Canada.

 

Q. How do you make a Chevy accelerate 0-60 mph in less than 15 seconds?

A. Push it off a cliff.

 

http://www.thetruthaboutcars.com/2010/04/quote-of-the-day-yugo-by-chrysler-joke-here-edition/

 

A tough looking group of bikers were out riding when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge.

After pulling to a stop, the leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to commit a suicide," she says.

While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity, so he asked "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"

So, she gives him a long, deep, lingering kiss. After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had.

That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous.

Why are you committing suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl......" .

 

I may have told this one here before; I'm too lazy to go back and look.

A sweet southern belle was driving across a bridge one day, and saw a man teetering on the rail. She screeched to a halt, hopped out and ran over, and cried, "oh please sir, don't jump. Think of your loving wife, and the children you'll leave without a father."

He said, "I'm not married, and if I have any kids I don't know about them."

She said, "well then, think about your poor old mama and daddy. You'll break their hearts for sure."

He said, "I was raised in an orphanage, and I don't even know who my parents were."

She said, "well then... well then... think about Robert E. Lee!"

He said, "lady, who the hell is Robert E Lee?"

She looked at him quietly for a moment, and said, "well bless your little heart, damnyankee. Go right ahead and jump....

 

Post #3182, but I enjoyed it just as much this time!

 

I thought I might have, but wasn't sure. Ah well, they say your memory is the second thing to go when you start getting old.



What's the first thing? I don't remember....

 

Me too: should have written it down.

 

That joke was rater infamously stolen from the sexy losers webcomic.

http://sexylosers.com/230.html

 

Friday Funnies

We start with an oldie but goodie... and a metaphor for government's proclivity for repeating the same mistakes...

Moose Hunters

Two hunters -Stosh and Stan - got a pilot to fly them into the Canadian wilderness, where they managed to bag two big bull moose.

As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the plane could take only the hunters, their gear, and one moose.

The hunters objected strongly, saying, "Last year we shot two, and the pilot let us take them both. And he had exactly the same airplane as yours."

Reluctantly the pilot, not wanting to be outdone by another bush pilot, gave in and everything was loaded.

However, even under full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down, crashing in the wooded wilderness.

Somehow, surrounded by the moose, clothing, and sleeping bags, Stosh and Stan survived the crash.

After climbing out of the wreckage, Stosh asked Stan, "Any idea where we are?"

Stan replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."

http://www.caseyresearch.com/cdd/precedents-police-state?active-tab=archives The rest of the "FRIDAY FUNNIES" are well worth going to the link and at the bottom of the page - a beaut youtube of a "talking dog" and more...

 

An example of learning by the process of Oz mooses? Oh, I see they were Canadian mooses.

 

Here's a real joke set to music. I'd sing it for you but I want to live.: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dc_-L4fyLUo&feature=player_embedded

 

HE LAID HER ON THE TABLE
He laid her on the table
So white, clean and bare
His forehead wet with beads of sweat
He rubbed her here and there
He touched her neck and then he felt her breast
And then drooling felt her thigh
The slit was wet and all was set
He gave a joyous cry
The hole was wide O he looked inside
All was dark and murky
He rubbed his hands and stretched his arms
And then he stuffed the turkey!
So what were you thinking!

 

here is a funny clip its a bird eat bird world http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QNNl_uWmQXE

 

Poor maligned pelican...

I just discovered that the Russians have a "sense of Humor" http://rt.com/online-exclusive/galleries/cartoons/#opposition-declares-social-networking