Boat Jokes (we need a few laughs)

A rancher from Montana goes to his dentist to have a tooth pulled. After sitting in the chair, the dentist pulls out a syringe and needle to give him a shot.

No way,no needles , I hate needles the rancher says.

The dentist then hooks up a mask with laughin-gas and begins to put it over the ranchers face.

The rancher immediately says , I can not do masks, it makes me feel like I am suffocating.

The dentist asks if he has problems with pills.

No problems with pill I can take pills, says the rancher

The dentist returns and says take this ****** tablet.

The rancher in amazement say I did not know ****** was a pain killer.

The dentist says It doesn't , but it will give you something to hold on to while I pull your tooth!!

 

Actually, he was given a piece of wood to bite into but swallowed it instead thinking it was a pain killer.

 

Yeah if he pushes that piece of wood down his ribs make like venetian blinds...

And if he rubs the sharp end there is electomagnetic interference stripes on the Tv....

If he swallows it he would probably just gag...

Of course if he pre-paid he would gag, if he hasn't paid yet the dentist would save him...

Who was that 'wood' guy again ? Yes the one that HIT balls. Sounds like a menace to me

 

Hey, just remember who started this...

 

Just had to post this one...

 

At the crowded Sandton bus stop a beautiful young blonde woman wearing a tight leather skirt was waiting for a bus.

As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't!

So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step. Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg.

With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.

About this time, Hennie, a fris farm boy from Kakamas, who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched, 'How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!'

Hennie smiled and in his best English answered her : 'Well, ma'am, normally I would agree wiff you, but after you unzipped my fly free times, I kinda figured we was friends.'

 

"I'd rather push my Holden than drive a Ford"

 

During my brief tenure in the dairy business (4 days) I had that happen once. Turns out that despite having a bag in the appropriate location, bulls DO NOT like having someone attempt to put a machine on it.

 

Well, that might not be just bulls

 

From my youngest today:

Did you hear the terrible news about the red boat crashing into the blue boat?

The sailors were marooned!

 

Saw this on Failblog last night

 

Or did they turned pale and yellow?

 

There must be something seriously wrong with people to steal a boat and go burn it somewhere.

 

I wasn't sure if this picture is supposed to go here or in the weather thread (or is it 'threat')

 

How many square meters is there in a cubic meter ?