Boat Jokes (we need a few laughs)

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that moved apart and back together again by themselves.
The lad asked, "What is this, father?"

The father, having never seen an elevator, responded, "I have no idea what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched as small circles lit up above the walls.

The walls opened up again and a beautiful twenty-four-year-old woman stepped out.

The father looked at his son anxiously and said, "Go get your mother."

 

The Retired Nun was living in a second floor apartment.
She was annoyed at the language of the workmen tearing down the building next door.
She decided to 'control' it a bit. She packed a lunch, went to the workers gathering about Noon the next day.

All the workmen were stumped and very quiet. Staring at each other in wonder.
She broke the silence with a question:
" Do any of you Gentlemen know Jesus Christ?"

They all looked back and forth....one of them stood up and yelled down at the other workmen: "Do any of you guys know Jeses Christ?"
"No" the answer came back, "Why".

The worker yelled back: "Because his Wife's here with his Lunch!"

 

For those of you that wants to work more accurate...

I told you metrics was better

 

what happens to that unit of measure if we go metric?

 

A LOT more accurate of course

If you work to the nearest inch and I work to the nearest mm of course my things will be more accurate

The-hen, if you use that tape measure you can work almost to the nearest angstrom... which is second best of course but only because they haven't made the angstrom tape measure yet.

 

Only because they havent found a small enough spring.

 

When I was a carpenter, we also had RCH as a measurement. That would be a red one, which is just a coarser than a regular one....

 

His 'n Her Diaries

Her Diary:

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong; He said, “Nothing”. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behaviour I don't know why he didn't say, “I love you too”. When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. To my surprise, he responded to my caress, and we made love. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.



His Diary:

Boat wouldn't start, can't figure out why, got laid though.

 

Centhairs?

 

Yes, gent's hairs.

 

then I'll stick to inches


after all everybody knows what 6" is, especially women

 

remember to wash your hands afterwards ...

 

How can you measure anything if you stick to it ?

And only 6" ? What went wrong

And then, can wiemen tell how many inches ?
My guess is you will always 'fall short' (good grief who thought this language up any ways )

 

You mean wash your mouth

 

- too late, he already swallowed ...