Boat Jokes (we need a few laughs)

A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. So she left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point. The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, 'I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?'


The blonde said, 'No, I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again'.


The milkman asked, 'Do you want it pasteurized?'


The blonde said, 'No, just up to my hooters. I can splash it on my eyes.'

 

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?' The girl

said, 'NO!' and the guy rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting

and played golf and tennis and drank beer and scotch and watched

sports on TV for hour after hour while prone on the couch and

smoked a celebratory cigar whenever the urge hit him and had tons of

money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and passed gas whenever

he wished and he lived happily ever after.



The End.

 

A woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed to be far too qualified for the job.


The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you this; have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?"


"Well, as a matter of fact, I have!" she replied.


"I've been divorced three times and I voted for Obama."

 

A 87 year-old man went to the doctor to get a physical.

A few days later, the doctor saw the man walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm.


A couple of days later, when the old man had an appointment with the doctor again, the doctor said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"


The man replied, "Just doing what you said doctor, "Get a hot mama and be cheerful."


The doctor said, "I didn't say that!...

I said you have got a heart murmur. Be careful!"

 

John, two days before his scheduled visit to the proctologist, accidentally swallowed his glass eye when he was cleaning it. He was worried at first, but after calling his doctor and learning he probably won’t get sick, he ordered another and soon forgot about it.

He arrived for his annual proctology exam on time, and was soon called into the doctor’s examining room. After undressing, John followed the doctor's instructions and bent over.

The first thing the proctologist saw when he took a peek in the John's behind was his glass eye staring right back at him!


“You know John,” said the doctor, “you’re really going to have to learn to trust me.”

 

Musing

I wonder what Dr. Daniel Amen would say about this pathology? He, of course, is one of the foremost authorities on brain health. He would surely attribute some of this malady to the solvents and their long-term effects on RBO much as builders of home built aircraft suffer.

 

Welcome, stefenlara.

 

Hisflyingtune, welcome to the forum as well.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-QNAwUdHUQ

I'm sure this has been posted multiple times, but I laugh every time I watch it.

"The front fell off!"

 

Saudi Prince goes to Germany to study.

A month later, he sends a letter to his dad saying: "Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here,
but I'm a bit ashamed to arrive to school with my gold Mercedes when all my teachers travel by train." Sometime later he gets a letter from his dad with a ten million dollar check saying: "Stop embarrassing us! Go and get yourself a train too!"

 

We need more jokes.


A priest had delayed his decision to attend a yearly bible seminar because it was being held in LasVegas. At the last moment he decided to make his booking, only to find that all the rooms were filled at the hotel were it was to be held. As a heavy weight championship boxing match was occurring, he found he was only able to book a room in a motel he knew nothing about. To his horror when he arrived, plastered across the marquee was the statement of free p0rn in every room. With no other choice he went to the desk to check in. When the shapely blond behind the counter was returning his credit card to him, he spoke “Young lady, would be sure to make sure the p0rn channel in my room is disabled” She looked him up and down for a minute then spoke “We only have regular p0rn you sick twist”.

 

...nice one there Mark, well said.

 

....actually I would be happy to destroy all my guns, on the condition that no one is harmed by any individual ever again.......so pigs might fly eh.

DO NOT rely on any government or police force to protect you.....if you don't do it yourself, it will not be done.

 

VERY GOOD