Boat Jokes (we need a few laughs)

CHEMICAL DESCRIPTION OF A WOMAN

This is the elemental description of the chemical element Woman

Element: Woman
Symbol: Wo
Discoverer: Adam
Atomic Mass: Accepted as 50 Kg, but varies from 45 Kg to 250 Kg


PHYSICAL PROPERTIES.

1.- Surface usually lined with painted film (in the order of 0-6m to 0-3m).
2.- Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.
3.- Melts if given special treatment.
4.- Bitter if used incorrectly.
5.- Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
6.- Yields to pressure applied at the correct points.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES.

1.- Has great affinity for gold, silver, platinum and precious stones
2.- Absorbs large quantities of expensive substances.
3.- May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no reason.
4.- Insoluble in liquids, but alcohol saturation increases activity.
5.- Most powerful income-reducing agent known to man.

COMMON USE.

1.- Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
2.- Can be a great aid to relaxation.
3.- Useful for general cleaning, scrubbing, washing, rubbing, etc.

TEST.

1.- Pure specimen turns pink when discovered in the natural state.
2.- Turns green when placed next to a better specimen.


HAZARDS.

1.- Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
2.- Illegal to posses more than one.

 

Wo, whoa and woe isotopes are all capable of depleting properties of covalent bonded radical depending upon association of Wo with other free radicals holding a more negative pull.

 

Muito engraçado.

 

Altzheimers

I am at that age now where i talk to myself in strange languages, that i dont understand, just to confuse my subconciuos.

Just as well that all those foreigners speak strange languages, else they would have nobody to talk to.

 

Mas if you are refering to "erg grappig" no you didn't miss it, it is more Dutch for very funny, Afrikaans would be "baie snaaks"

however

seems like we have somebody in Youuuu Essssss Aayyyy that like these silly jokes

Hey Hoytedow tell us a bit about yourself - are you a Saffa stuck in the States

Mas : does the noise in my head worry you?

 

Only if you open your ears Manie




You know how in the movies when something happens to someone they get some effect from it and the whole movie goes about the ability or disability... then in the end of the movie the same thing happens to him and suddenly they're back to normal, right.

So this guy walks through a building site and a brick falls on his head and he goes

HHHMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

So naturally the other guys wants to reverse the effect by hitting him on the head with a sledge hammer and the guy goes

HHHMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

Nope, didn't work - again

HHHMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

and again

HHHMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

 

HHHMMMMMMMMMMMMM is that how you write tinnitus? trouble is, it never stops....

 

Boudreaux and Thib was fishin in the lake by there house one day when bou thought he had a big one. he reeled and reeled till sumthing jump in the boat. it was a jene lamp. bou rubed on it till the jene pop out. the jene said all u get is one wish so make it good. so bou think and think then he said i wish u can make this whole lake turn in too beer. jene said ok poff whole lake is beer. boy bou was happy jumpin up and down.he looked at thib he was not so happy. bou ask y u not happy u like beer as much as me.thib said yea but u not thinkin now we got to pee in the boat.

 

Hey, Manie B.,
I'm not a Saffa, I have known a few. I never met one I didn't like. I do have some Dutch ancestors, though, as well as German, Scottish, English and French. Most came over before the turn of the 19th century. Well, anyway, this is a great thread and keep 'em coming.

 

HHHMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

and again

HHHMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.
Who's been reading my mind?

 

So true, so true. The party was wild and a part of it was the Revolutionary War, when Johann Border came over to help the Redcoats. The Colonials let him stay, anyway. The Scots came to get away from the Redcoats and had to turn around and fight. The French were of German extraction from (sp.?)Alcase-Lorraine last name of Winner. The Dutch were Van Heusen later Van Hoose when they became hillbillies. Henry Dow was in Massachusets having arrived in the 1630's, not on the Mayflower, which I hear is now a barn in Merry Olde England, to get back to boat jokes.

 

OK, here's an old chestnut:
If the April shower brought the may flower, what did the Mayflower bring?

 

EXERCISE FOR PEOPLE OVER 50

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side.

With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can.

Try to reach a full minute, and then relax. (Feel the burn)

Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.

After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags. (Feel the strength in your arms).

Then try 50-lb potato bags and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I'm at this level.)

After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.

 

I would, but I'm not Irish.