Boat Jokes (we need a few laughs)

George Carlin is more my speed. Then the bugger whent and kicked the bucket

 

i liked him alot too,,,,thats why i like jeff so well,,,ya should see all 4 of his skits,,hahaha

 

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. As he sits, the waitress comes over and asks for their orders.

The man says, 'I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to the ostrich, 'What's yours?' 'I'll have the same,' says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress returns with the order. 'That will be $6.40 please,' and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, 'I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke,' and the ostrich says, 'I'll have the same.' Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes a routine until late one evening, the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the waitress.¢ No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and salad,' says the man, 'same for me,' says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress comes with the order and says, 'That will be $12.62.' Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?'

'Well,' says the man, 'several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two
wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.'

'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!'

'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,' says the man.

The waitress asks, 'One other thing, sir, what's with the ostrich?'

The man sighs, pauses, and answers...'My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs...who agrees with everything I say!

 

Beaut joke Fanie, Thanks - - - No points available to distribute sadly, just verbal praise & smilies

 

GENEVA (AFP) - A giant inflatable dog turd by American artist Paul McCarthy blew away from an exhibition in the garden of a Swiss museum, bringing down a power line and breaking a greenhouse window before it landed again, the museum said Monday.

The art work, titled "Complex S(expletive..)", is the size of a house. The wind carried it 200 metres (yards) from the Paul Klee Centre in Berne before it fell back to Earth in the grounds of a children's home, said museum director Juri Steiner.

The inflatable turd broke the window at the children's home when it blew away on the night of July 31, Steiner said. The art work has a safety system which normally makes it deflate when there is a storm, but this did not work when it blew away.

Steiner said McCarthy had not yet been contacted and the museum was not sure if the piece would be put back on display.

 

Apparently the "hole" in the **** did not happen so was it a wholly holeless 5hit that was wholly empty or should have been bit it was full of wind so the wind carried it away the question remains "whose big fat a****** did that come from?"
Gives new meaning to the expletive "Wholly S***"

 

Grandma in Traffic
OR
Praise the Lord



Dear grandchild,


The other day I had purchased a bumper sticker that read “Honk if you love Jesus” and I was merrily tootling along enjoying the trip home after the nice man stuck the sticker on my bumper...


I was sitting in the front row, waiting for the lights to change and thinking of how nice people can be and how much I loved Jesus. All of a sudden I was startled by honking, and bless me, I was feeling so happy, with all the people expressing how much they loved Jesus too – must have good eyes to read my bumber sticker. How marvellous....


Then people started wishing me “Joyous times on sunny beaches” I think – it was a little difficult to understand with all the honking... and you know that “Hawaiian greeting of happiness” sign you make with the second finger extended and all the others curled over, well, that was when I figured that I was really being wished a joyous time at the beach – bless their loving hearts....


Just then I suddenly realised that the traffic lights were green and I was the only one who made it through the intersection, so I could not depart without showing these loving people of my appreciation at their 'beach side wishes' and honking their love of Jesus, that I stopped and got out and, because I was a little distant, I stood up and extended the “Hawaian greeting of happiness” to all and, the love of Jesus was almost overwhelming, so I got back in to my car and sped home to tell you of my wonderful experience, and that you should by going to church and praying to Jesus more often...


God Bless You Grandchild
Grandma...



So, when you get held up in a stream of traffic that does not seem to be moving, think of Grandma, she may be up front Praising the Lord again...

 

I think this now qualifies as a joke?

Traders know that they are bullshitting pricks... A relly I have has traded all over the ME, has close friends in most countries.... will not trust folk from a certain nation as far as he can throw them.

Axiom : Market action makes news... not the reverse. Media commentary is 20/20 hindsight.

Saudis oil reserves have been remarkably stable considering all the pumping over the years.... never go up, never go down????????????? Trust that?

Listen to the industry directly ... http://www.worldenergysource.com/



Old chart, but look at the rig count? Are they behaving like a country swimming in oil or one desperately searching for more?


That is why I said "sucking the last out" and the "production is almost flat - with the occasional hole yielding an improved flow. Information on how deep they go and average drilled depth per ?period? would make evaluation easier. and a vague idea as to the "success rate" of the new holes (can they get oil or is it dry or "injection") as a %. I would have thought 15 rigs in a "mature field" an indication of quiet panic, and growing to "what the heck - we need the money/oil to prepare for end-times".....

Trying to keep the LHS knowing what was happening on the RHS

The biggest hit coming is if the US hits "speculators" with legislation. It will be temporary and have the net effect of starving the industry of the capital required to expand supply.... ultimately it will lead to much higher prices. 1970's price controls MkII.... yeah yeah we believe in a free markets but we don't trust it enough to let it alone


Michael Greenberger, former head of the Commodities Futures Trading Commission, raises an argument I posed here a while back, but he does a better job of explaining it than I did. I could be wrong, but I still suspect that there is more than simple commodities investing affecting the rapid crude futures increases.

"... about 30 percent of our crude oil energy futures are traded in what is called a dark market, that is a market that was deregulated in December of 2000 at the behest of Enron. Prior to that legislation being passed, all energy futures traded in the United States or affecting the United States in a significant fashion were regulated by United States regulators under a very careful regime that had been perfected over about 78 years, and many observers believe that because those markets are not being policed, malpractices are being committed and traders are able to boost the price virtually at their will.
Well, this has been called the "Enron Loophole" and there are many legislators working very hard to close that loophole. There is tremendous concern about this on Capitol Hill and on a bipartisan basis, people are drafting legislation to try and get a handle on this and not eliminate speculation, but bring the speculation under the kind of time-tested controls that were used until Enron had its way and amended the law (sic) to escape traditional tested regulation on speculative activities."



Your politicians are looking for a whipping boy, I don't know what more to say... any action they take here to target "speculators" will achieve two things 1. Higher prices.... 100% guaranteed, it will limit capital flow into the sector and result in slower supply response.... what ever you attribute the high price to this is fundamental 2. Drive trade off shore to the OS oil bourses being established in response to the weakening USD. These funds are not limited to the US, tell an index fund that it can't hold US oil futures and it will move to another international vehicle. Your government is in effect powerless here and any action by them that is perceived as hostile will drive point 2. That is happening anyway but they will accelerated it.

Both outcomes are disastrous for the US ... sigh.. but since when has that stopped pollies taking aim at there own feet? If they do legislate here they will come to realise sooner rather than later that the US is no longer the king pin and decisions can no longer be taken only in the context of the US markets.

Regulating a "dark market" is one thing, closing out a particular class of investor is another. The truth here is that Wall Street got caught short agianst what it thought was a sheep (index funds) ripe for the shearing. Its now doing what it always does, pushing for rule changes to suit it and bail it out.

Whatever... demand is 1.5mbpd over supply, until that resolves price will be strong absent jiggering with the market and any adjustment period that precipitates. With elections on there way I fully expect some stupid moves to contain the price.... dollars to doughnuts it will not be effective past the short term.

You cannot legislate away shortage... end of.


All the best to you, this is going to be entertaining at the least...


Inventories jumped miraculously and then leveled out around the time OPEC tied production quotas to reserves. Go figure.....?

yes, production could literally "drop off a cliff" over the next 5 years.... remarkable thing is just how much we don't know about what could happen here. Its a fascinating study in human behaviour...

 

hahahhhaa,,,,go grandma!! ,,,wellman,,,only "virtual" points,,,,,,,id give grams 1000 if i could,,haha

 

He he... the wife told me this joke, and I am so shocked since I never suspected she had a sense of humour

 

Finally. South Africa succeeded in taking three gold medals at the olympics.



Unfortunately they were seen and had to give them back.

 

The 10th anual small kock carnival is on again this weekend.
We are asking you NOT to participate to give someone else the chance of winning for a change.
Thanks Champ !!!

 

What animial goes "MARK MARK"?

A dog with a hairlip.

 

"How saaaad" was my Lovely Ladies comment when I told her that her countrymen (India), could only muster ONE medal in this Olympics - with as many people as China to draw from???? - Not real good at cricket either - need the Aussies over there to bolster their teams in an internal competition........

 

i see an aussie joke on t.v. today,,,was the racing yacht "austraila1" or "aussie1" ,,going along,,,and broke in half,,,,,,,,,,,,,,gotta love saving weight,,,hehe MAKE IT THINNER,,, that should work hehe