Dealing with pirates

If any one would like to chirp in about something --anything really,--you are quite welcome . Are'nt they walrus?(idiot)

I for one would really enjoy a bit of new rethoric, It would be like a breath of fresh air in a sewerage farm.

Please dont feel you are interupting anything. Walrus(old fart) and I are just having a freindly sunday afternoon type chat.

Point of interest here --We have a japanees flasher in the marina. Although he has been warned by the malaysian marina managemrnt he contiues to walk around the dock with his underpants hardly--hardly covering is bits with his arse hanging out the back .

I think this is for suntan reasons but I dont know. Does any one have any ideas on how to handle a flashing Japanees non english speaking nudist.

 

We have one of those, except he's an elderly and quite overweight German guy who walks around in a g string on the beach....maybe have them arrested for pollution of the view?

 

I am looking at him now --its really bugging me. Im not racist or anything but I hate the japs. Oh No-- hes on his hands and knees now.

Do you think a crack across his arse with my fly fishing rod would cure
him? it would make him stand up at least

walrus would know what to do.

Japs walking round exposing thier genitalia,- hes handled these things before.

Hang on --he looks a bit like a pirate--

 

Here's something related to the original subject of dealing with pirates, if no one minds...

"Even yachts should have some procedures to put into effect if approached by suspicious craft. Such defensive measures might mean the difference between life and death....One of the newer inventions to protect sailors and cargo is the Secure-Ship System. This collapsible electric fence is mounted around the deck, and can be activated in its entirety or by zones on either side of the ship. When triggered, it turns on the lights and activates alarms and sirens to alert the crew. Anyone who touches the fence receives a 9,000-volt shock, painful but not fatal. The fence works in all types of weather and salt water doesn’t affect it. All but the most determined pirates will quickly take their activities elsewhere when faced with an electric fence. This anti-boarding device will also prevent stowaways, deterring illegal immigration and possibly thwarting would-be terrorists,” says Captain Pottengal Mukundan, Director of IMB" They have a smaller version called Secure-Yacht -System.

 

More info from secure ship. Jack, what do you think of their "Pirate location" slide?

 

I would be incouraging him to bring his female flashing friends next time.

Mychael

 

Charmc WHAT?-- you want to talk about WHAT?--pirates?

Well thats a rather unusuall request,--- but if you must,-- I guess its ok.

What do you think Walrus? --theres a bloke here wants to talk about pirates.

Walrus will be along shortly at about 1100 hours GMT he's still in bed at the moment---farting. He can handle your enquirey when he gets up.

It takes him a while to put his wooden leg on and glue that Parrot to his shoulder. ( silly ole fart)

 

Charmc I am suprised at you the thread is about Pirates and you actually want to talk about them?! Mind you looking at your post I find it more as an etertainment than a serious post! So you struggle like mad to put up this amazing fence and drop something over the side, **** it would take ages to unravel it all to get the damn thing back! Plus looking at the picture all the pirates got to do is sail up lean over and cut the painter from the motorised contrceptive and they got themselves a new boat - I mean how the hell do you recover it? then of course your average pirate (Jack or me!) would climb into our NEW boat and motor up to your stern and climb aboard, armed to the teeth, through the nice gate you have there between the 'feathers' Blast foiled again!

As for their location map - obviously the company has a thing against SE Asia! What about the West Coast of Africa or the Caribean for a start?

Veeery entertaining! Please look for more entertaining bits there Charmc that one is fantastic

 

Jack this yer wooden leg be having some uses, loike when I farts if I loosen the straps I can harpoon a whale at 20 paces! Bloody useful I can tell 'ee

An me combined harvester be fine thank 'ee for askin' Don't use 'ee much these days - pirating be more profitable, tis easy to fleece the emmets these days as some old so called injuneer told em to be peaceful and put their big sticks away! they even sez 'thank'ee' when us relieves em of their valuables, nice eh!

 

hey would that fence work on yer 'flasher'? invite him onboard and as he gingerly steps over the 'fence' switch it on - fried nuts!!! woooweeeeee!

 

Start pointing and laughing. It would probably work best to get some nice looking women to do it.

 

Talking of flashers; had me a case of one some years ago (when I were a lad! during the Napoleonic wars Jack) following a 'dinnertime session' several of us including a young lady were strolling through the town heading for the next watering hole when this chappie wanders up to us with his flies open and his willy hanging out - "whoa sez the girly, what have we found here?" and grabs hold of the thing and pulls - red face chappie "now you know sez we to the girly that if you finds something you must hand it in to the ploice station", "yes" qoth she. so seven rather large and tuff looking gentlemen surrounds this pair and off goes the girly, towing her prize quite quickly! Half a mile later we arrives in the local police station and 'hands over' the item who is begging them to 'lock him up'! They did and charged him too! The Judge wet himself with laughter and handed out some minor sentence! The flasher - never heard of him again!!!!!! entertained us for ages after!

Probably a bit to aggresive for Jack but IT WORKED - kinda NIPPED him in the bud as it were!

 

That should work pretty well!

 

More expensive than Sam's idea, but maybe more fun, too?

 

Title for the movie version: "Sara and Wee Willie Meet the Police"?