Boat Jokes (we need a few laughs)

Discussion in 'All Things Boats & Boating' started by brian eiland, Oct 29, 2006.

  1. longliner45
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    longliner45 Senior Member

    are you off your medication again ,bery?
     
  2. Bergalia
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    Bergalia Senior Member

    Boat jokes

    Alright so it's not exactly a boat joke..but the driver had seen the DVD of 'The Caine Mutiny'.


    He was delivering some monkeys to the local zoo, when his van broke down. he was standing at the side of the road wondering what to do when he saw a farmer approaching with an empty lorry. He flagged the farmer down and offered him $500 pounds to take the monkeys to the zoo. The farmer agreed and the monkeys were transferred to the farmer's lorry and off he went. A couple of hours later the man was still waiting for a breakdown vehicle to come when he saw the farmer coming back, still with the monkeys on board. He flagged the farmer down again and asked why he hadn't taken the monkeys to the zoo. "I did." said the farmer. "We had a great time and there is some money left over, so I'm taking them to see Disneyworld..."
     
  3. Bergalia
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    Bergalia Senior Member

    Boat jokes

    Key in 'help' at: www.vatican.com
     
  4. Bergalia
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    Bergalia Senior Member

    Boat jokes

    Sorry Westie...but can you lend us six quid... (don't think about it too long or Lazey will come butting in....)
     
  5. J.D.Hogg
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    J.D.Hogg Junior Member

    A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel stuck to his crotch. The bartender says "Hey friend, you know you've got a steering wheel stuck to your crotch?"

    "Yarr," the pirate replied "It's drivin' me nuts."
     
    Last edited: Jun 10, 2007
  6. Bergalia
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    Bergalia Senior Member

    Boat jokes

    One for the 'Pommies' (please translate for our US members)

    A British Sailor (changed to give boatie touch), whilst on shore-patrol in Bosnia, happens upon a young lad kicking around a spent shell case with not inconsiderable skill. The two end up chatting and the soldier says, "Would you like to play soccer in England? A great friend of mine knows Alex Ferguson, the man in charge of the top England team. He could help you."
    The boy appears very keen and so, when the soldier returns home, he asks his friend.
    Well, it turns out that Alex Ferguson is interested and so the young lad is brought over. He starts off in the junior team, but is so good, he gets steadily promoted until he's on the substitute bench for the first team at the FA Cup Final. The game reaches half-time and the score is 2-2.
    "Alright", says Ferguson, "let's see what you can do."
    The lad goes on and scores three fantastic goals and the team have a glorious victory. Afterwards, the lad goes to a 'phone to call his Dad.
    "Dad", he says, "we won the FA Cup final and I scored three goals!"
    His Dad is silent for a moment and then replies "Don't you give me that! Back here, we're going through Hell! Your Mother went out for bread this morning and hasn't been seen since. Your Sister was ***** last night, and your brother was beaten up in the street on his way back from school!"
    "But Dad," complains the youth, "you can't blame me for that!"
    "Well," said his father, "you made us come to Manchester!"
     
  7. westlawn5554X
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    westlawn5554X STUDENT

    I know... to prevent the problem of that family, FA Cup Final should be held at Bosnia so Your Mother went out for bread this morning and hasn't been seen since. Your Sister was ***** last night, and your brother was beaten up in the street on his way back from school! - would not happen. Thanks:p
     
  8. Poida
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    Poida Senior Member

    2 all in the FA Cup Final

    Normally they have to play for 3 days to score 1.

    Poida
     
  9. PI Design
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    PI Design Senior Member

    Nah mate - you're thinking of cricket!
     
  10. safewalrus
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    safewalrus Ancient Marriner

    PI not with the team we have at the moment mate!
     
  11. PI Design
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    PI Design Senior Member

    Too true, looking forward to today's Test. I was thinking of the Aussie team of course!
     
  12. safewalrus
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    safewalrus Ancient Marriner

    PI looking at the time of that last post (and the fact I'm in Islington at the moment - which has got absolutely nothing to do with it!) guess your at work and just as bored as I am! good things these works computers!!
     
  13. PI Design
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    PI Design Senior Member

    Spot on. I HATE writing reports. Gone to fancy London? Are you in court? Or at the PM's leaving do?
     
  14. Poida
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    Poida Senior Member

    I'll tell you this story as long as you don't take points off me. Promise?? OK.

    Down on the reef all the female seaweed were swaying back and forth with the swell.

    Some of the seaweed were old and as the swell went in and out their tatty fronds would wave one way then wave the other.

    One of the old seaweed started putting sea anenomes on her fronds to make her look nicer.

    Soon all the old seaweed followed, they all got sea ananomes and put them on their fronds and with their new artificial look thought they were quite beautiful.

    Then they saw a nice young seaweed with beautifull fronds swaying back and forth, she looked so lovely.

    One of the older seaweeds said, "Why don't you stick some sea anenomes on your fronds like we have?"

    "Well," replied the young seaweed, "with fronds like mine, who needs anenomes."

    Poida
    PS. Something tells me I shouldn't have done this.
     
    1 person likes this.

  15. PI Design
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    PI Design Senior Member

    Why did the crab blush?

    Because the sea weed.

    Hmmm, I think mine may have been even worse...
     
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