BOAT JOKES (we need a few laughs)

Discussion in 'All Things Boats & Boating' started by brian eiland, Oct 29, 2006.

  1. masalai
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    masalai masalai

    And I am out of jokes for the moment! bugger!
     
  2. safewalrus
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    safewalrus Ancient Marriner

    Mr Lee if the end of the World is definately "On" I don't suppose you know where I can get a couple of cheap tickets from (but not to near the stage) as I'd rather like to see that show!
     
  3. masalai
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    masalai masalai

    I prefer to stay here and watch the fun (If I am not too old to get out of bed).
    The only entity with a claim to this knowledge I have found so far, is in the Bible. On the basis or current information you then have two booking agents (tickets are free. attitude will get you good seats in either)

    Water-world or anywhere in between will not be the "end" just a change of scenery, to put it in the movie vernacular I am open to suggestions beyond "Waterworld" & and the "Mad Max" series or "Robocop" series as the only ones based on future life on Earth", but that belongs on another thread
     
  4. Guest-3-12-09-9-21
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    Guest-3-12-09-9-21 Senior Member

    Not really boat related, but funny....

    Bono, lead singer of the rock band U2, is famous
    throughout the entertainment industry for being more than just a
    little self-righteous.

    At a recent U2 concert in Glasgow, Scotland, he asked
    the audience for total quiet. Then, in the silence, he started to
    slowly clap his hands,once every few seconds.

    Holding the audience in total silence, he said into
    the microphone, "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."

    A voice with a broad Scottish accent from the front of
    the crowd pierced the quiet...

    "Well, foockin stop doin it then, ya evil *******!"


    --Chuck
     
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  5. masalai
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    masalai masalai

    That's the best belly laugh in a couple of days!
     
  6. safewalrus
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    safewalrus Ancient Marriner

    Chuck mate thats bloody priceless! Sounds about right for Glasgow too!!:) :)
     
  7. Landlubber
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    Landlubber Senior Member

    Hi fellas, been very busy lately so had little spare time.

    Did remember this though and thought that I could share it...

    This Septic was travelling in outback Australia, sitting in the bar of the local and describing his property back home in Texas, USA.

    ....having stated how he could get onto his horse and travel all day south and into the next dawn before he reached the back boundary, the Aussie sitting next to him stated " yeah, I had a horse like that once, but I shot him"........
     
  8. Guest-3-12-09-9-21
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    Guest-3-12-09-9-21 Senior Member

    Now for a true story...."this ain't no sheet"

    I was a fresh Third mate sitting around the Union hall of the Master's Mates and Pilots waiting for the ink to dry on my license, when one of the self-proclaimed MASTER Mariners came in trying to sell shirts. He was one of those arrogant pricks who seem to always grace the halls of unions who treat everyone as a simpleton who can't possibly measure up to the high standards of his training at the only federal maritime academy in the U.S.

    He was showing off these shirts that he had made with a set of embroidered signal flags spelling out the initials of the MMP over the left breast.

    He made his sales pitch stating that if we were proud of belonging to the union we should proudly display the initials in a manner that only seasoned mariners could recognize and respect.

    One of the true salty dogs of the union (came up the hawse and had been sailing since he was 13) watched all of this going on and didn't say a word. Instead he wandered over to the bookcase with various books pertaining to the maritime and selected the International Code of Signals and thumbed through it.

    After a few minutes he wandered over and showed me the entry for MMP...

    "Patient has discharge from *****"

    I didn't buy a shirt.

    --Chuck
     
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  9. safewalrus
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    safewalrus Ancient Marriner

    Yup! you can have some fun with that section! beware any three initials that begin with an M and........ as my name is Mike I ain't telling you the rest of my initials (but it seems appropriate!)
     
  10. masalai
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    masalai masalai

    Hay Nike, where is the action? I am in need of depositing some verbal diarrhoea where it is not requested. Sort of like the *******. A bit of uninvited international peace making. You know, this is my piece and you are barking up the wrong tree!

    Everyone seems to be mello-yellow and on holidays.

    Seriously though I feel sorry for the citizens in the middle states with their testimonials frozen and no power to drive their oil fired central heating.
     
  11. masalai
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    masalai masalai

    Was that found offensive? Was posting the above (deleted section of drivel hoping to elicit some jokes) when a news broadcast told of the hard time being experienced in the "middle states". I prefaced with "seriously" but I suppose some are really sensitive and fail to acknowledge their reason or name?

    Seasons salutations.
     
  12. charmc
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    charmc Senior Member

    Sounds like you've been struck by an anonymous point deducter? They might have known they were taking down points, in which case they are acting in a sneaky and cowardly way. I still believe, however, as the feedback window does not explain it, that there are folks who think they are simply expressing their disapproval of what you say, without intending to hurt your "rep". I didn't know until I did some reading in the forum back office (which, by the way, Jeff, is excellent, but sometimes overwhelming in the sheer volume of information available).

    Anyone knowingly intending to take away points, however, should have the courtesy, integrity, and plain guts to say why and sign his/her forum name. If they don't, screw 'em. Their opinion is not worthy of any thought. :mad:

    For the record, I don't see anything wrong with your post. I read it as using a humorous turn of phrase to express a serious thought. Thanks for your concern. It was a pretty nasty storm, and I just heard there will be some folks without power through Christmas.

    Merry Christmas, and greetings of the season.
     
  13. masalai
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    masalai masalai

    Charlie, on drivel, It has to be as it is the main mast (but I couldn't remember where I put the poem, or Safies? displeasure? 5hit old age is annoying sometimes. Still can navigate though, just like the islanders. The jedi Luke was appropriately advised "feel the power. feel the power" of the swell and waves and its direction.
     
  14. DanishBagger
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    DanishBagger Never Again

    Not offensive in the least. I choose to believe it is a mistake, although some people are indeed way too sensitive.
     

  15. masalai
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    masalai masalai

    Charlie, some vision came on the news. My sympathies are extended again.
    I do not like the cold. How do your central heaters which burn oil? operate without power? I would be dead. We have reverse-cycle air-conditioning - ducted - which is a useless system unless lots of capacity to shut down unused areas. Then NO POWER yeouch!
     
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