BOAT JOKES (we need a few laughs)

Discussion in 'All Things Boats & Boating' started by brian eiland, Oct 29, 2006.

  1. masalai
    Joined: Oct 2007
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    masalai masalai

    10 Differences Between Men and Women
    1. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t want.

    2. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

    3. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

    4. To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot & love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all.

    5. Married men live longer than single men - but married men are a lot more willing to die.

    6. Any married man should forget his mistakes - there’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.

    7. Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

    8. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change & she does.

    9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

    10. There are 2 times when a man doesn’t understand a woman - before marriage & after marriage.
     
  2. masalai
    Joined: Oct 2007
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    masalai masalai

    Sidhuisms
    1. That ball went so high it could have got an air hostess down with it.

    2. There is light at the end of the tunnel for India, but it’s that of an incoming train which will run them over.

    3. Experience is like a comb that life gives you when you are bald.

    4. This quote was made after Ganguly called Dravid for a run and midway sent him back and Dravid was run out in the third test against the West Indies at Barbados.”Ganguly has thrown a drowning man both ends of the rope.”
     
  3. Frosty

    Frosty Previous Member

    I have come here to tell a joke about a bloke that gets a job in a zoo but Masalai jokes are so top notch I dare'nt write mine now.
     
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  4. charmc
    Joined: Jan 2007
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    Location: FL, USA

    charmc Senior Member

    In Japan, they have replaced the impersonal and unhelpful Microsoft Error
    Messages with Haikus.

    Your file was so large.
    It might be very useful.
    But now it is gone.

    The Web site you seek
    Cannot be located, but
    Countless more exist.

    Chaos reigns within.
    Reflect, repent, and reboot.
    Order shall return.

    Program aborting,
    Save all that you have worked on.
    Alas, you are too late.

    Windows has crashed.
    I am the Blue Screen of Death.
    No one hears your screams.

    Yesterday it worked.
    Today it is not working.
    Windows is like that.

    First snow, then silence.
    This costly screen dies
    So beautifully.

    With searching comes loss
    And the presence of absence:
    File "My Novel" not found.

    Stay the patient course.
    Of little worth is your rage.
    The network is down.

    Windows crashes, reducing
    Your expensive computer
    To a simple stone.

    Three things are certain:
    Death, taxes and lost data.
    Guess which has occurred.

    Out of memory.
    I wish to run your program,
    But I never will.

    Having been erased,
    The document you seek
    Must now be retyped.

    A fatal error.
    All shortcuts have disappeared.
    Screen. Memory. Both are blank.
     
  5. charmc
    Joined: Jan 2007
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    Location: FL, USA

    charmc Senior Member

    Looks like Masalai's challenging Fanie's jokedom dominance :D
     
  6. Bergalia
    Joined: Aug 2005
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    Bergalia Senior Member

    Boat jokes


    Hey Masa - I feel you should change that name in deference to our new Prime Minister......
     
  7. masalai
    Joined: Oct 2007
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    masalai masalai

    Sorry, I fergot, & I voted for him too (and even my blind mum too)

    It's not my joke - see my drivel for the source. Why should I reinvent the wheel.
     
  8. masalai
    Joined: Oct 2007
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    masalai masalai

    Oh ****, I couldn't think of the "medical" term. sorry? another one point to you!
    also Phallus, but the trunk blocked my imagination.. consider this posted in drivel 1 or 2 please
     
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  9. masalai
    Joined: Oct 2007
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    masalai masalai

    Thanks for the laugh, caught in my own ****. Was I trying to lead from one subject to another with that use?

    Tonight is "heart smart" steak and the usual vegetables, a glass of red from Victoria a label reading "two fat ladies" - quite fruity and charming. Desert, Apple pie and ice-cream. Followed by flat white coffee & chocolate.

    Arrrh bugger, wrong thread again Oooops, **** happens.
     
    Last edited: Nov 28, 2007
  10. artemis
    Joined: Oct 2004
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    Location: USA

    artemis Steamboater

    Here's a few more!

    The code was willing,
    It considered your request,
    But the chips were weak.

    Seeing my great fault
    Through darkening blue windows
    I begin again

    A file that big?
    It might be very useful.
    But now it is gone.

    The ten thousand things,
    How long do any persist?
    Netscape, too, has gone.

    The Tao that is seen
    Is not the true Tao, until
    You bring fresh toner.

    Everything is gone;
    Your life's work has been destroyed.
    Squeeze trigger (yes/no)?

    To have no errors
    Would be life without meaning
    No struggle, no joy

    The Window closes.
    Nothing will open it now.
    Everything is lost.

    Wind blows through grass;
    Felt, unseen, intangible:
    Document not found

    I ate your Web page.
    Forgive me. It was juicy
    And tart on my tongue.

    Dissertation gone.
    Ah, a new window opens:
    "Eat at Burger King".

    Virus detected.
    Nothing we can do for you.
    Don't even try again.

    The password enter'd
    does not match the one I need.
    Too bad for you, eh?

    The computer dies.
    It does not respond to threats.
    Give it a hard boot

    The system regrets
    current drive is not valid.
    Please insert a disk.

    Disk drive not ready -
    Abort, retry or ignore?
    Three choices only.

    Typing all afternoon.
    now blue screen of death arises.
    ******* computer!

    Web page is loading.
    Connection has timed out!
    Can you wait forever?
     
  11. masalai
    Joined: Oct 2007
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    masalai masalai

    Artemis, please send all those to Bill G as there could be an urgent need.
     
  12. artemis
    Joined: Oct 2004
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    Location: USA

    artemis Steamboater

    No keyboard present
    Hit F1 to continue
    Zen engineering?
     
  13. masalai
    Joined: Oct 2007
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    Location: cruising, Australia

    masalai masalai

    A lauga a minute, keep going 15 to go?
     
  14. charmc
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    Location: FL, USA

    charmc Senior Member

    Errors have occurred.
    Look within for where and why.
    Lazy programmers.

    Windows fatal error.
    Insert system restore disk.
    All data will be erased.
     

  15. charmc
    Joined: Jan 2007
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    Location: FL, USA

    charmc Senior Member

    A Spanish language teacher in a British private was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine gender. ''House'' for instance, is feminine: ''la casa."Pencil," however, is masculine: "el lápiz."
    A student asked, "What gender is computer?"
    Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun.
    Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

    The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computadora"), because:

    1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
    2 The language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
    3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval.
    4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay check on accessories for it.

    The women''s group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ("el computador"), because:

    1. In order to get them to do anything for you, you have to turn them on.
    2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves.
    3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.
    4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited just a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
     
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