Boat Jokes (we need a few laughs)

Being Irish, I think I can safely say that we would never use a profanity such as "Son of Jaysus".

Our preferred profanity, using the biblical family, would be "Mother of Jesus!!!"

SW

 

Actually, it's an acronym – the easy one would be to just type it into google. I'm pretty sure will get the picture instantly.

 

Danish - That's in the gutter!

Frosty: Oh, do you have to ask? A Mother I'd Like to ...

 

Oh, I thought most everyone agreed to keep it in the gutter!?

 

Boat jokes

Trouble is PI - Mills and Boon want only 'fiction'....not truth

 

Gee whiz... I leave you guys for a smoke break and you start talking rubbish instead of telling jokes ! Come on guys, jokes, read my lips here...

 

PI I can assure you the only way I'm involved in any wine producing exercise is in the tasting department! and to keep Fanie happy did you hear about the Irishman who broke his ankle trying to make apple wine? (think about it!)

 

There's the woman who got proven wrong on something. Her response was that she may not be right, but she's defenately not completely wrong...

 

and she can talk about it for hours.........now what was the subject?

 

After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.

The guy from Corona sits down and says "Hey Sen~or, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona."

The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.

The guy from Budweiser says "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers, a Budweiser."

The bartender gives him one. The guy from Coors says "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors."

He gets it. The guy from Guinness sits down and says "Give me a Coke."

The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.

The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask "Why aren't you drinking a Guinness?"

The Guinness president replies "Well, if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither will I."

 

"To whom it may concern" - gamage

A man walks into a bar, sits down on a bench and orders a cold one.

He swigs down the beer, looks in his pocket, cringes and orders another.

He gulps down that one, looks in his pocket again, cringes and orders yet another one.

This goes on for at least an hour and a half.

Finally the bartender, bursting with curiousity, says,

"I know it's none of my business buddy, but I have to ask.

Why the whole "drink, look in pocket, cringe and order another one" routine?"

"Well," slurred the man, "There's a picture of my wife in my pocket.

When she starts to look good, then it's time for me to go home."

 

Best Reasons to Allow Drinking on the Job
1. It's an incentive to show up.
2. It reduces stress.
3. It leads to more honest communications.
4. It reduces complaints about low pay.
5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover.
6. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear.
7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter.
8. It encourages carpooling.
9. Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job you don't care.
10. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.
11. It makes fellow employees look better.
12. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.
13. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they have had a couple of drinks.
14. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.

 

A man walked into a bar on a slow night and sat down.
After a few minutes, the bartender asked him if he wanted a drink, and he said
"No thanks, I don't drink, I tried it once but I didn`t like it!"

So the bartender said, "Well would you like a cigarette," but the man said
"No, I don't smoke, I tried it once but I didn`t like it!"

The bartender asked him if he'd like to play a game of pool, and again the man said
"No I don't like pool, I tried it once but I didn`t like it."

"As a matter of fact I wouldn`t be here at all, but I'm waiting on my son!"

The bartender said, "Your only son I presume!!""

 

Now, The biggest joke of the day

I am about to vote in the Australian Federal elections (its compulsory if you have registered on the electoral roll)..

Research has shown that the "Labour Party is in power when there is no drought, ("left" of rabid right) and the coalation is voted in during droughts)

 

A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his fifth grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.
"Now, class. Observe the worms closely," said the professor as he put the first worm into the water.
The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.
The second worm, he put into the whiskey.
It writhed painfully, and it quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.
"Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the professor asked.
Little Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded,
"Drink whiskey and you won't get worms!"