Boat Jokes (we need a few laughs)

Yup, that is why I always do it in the park or on busses!

(Yuk!)

 

Danish --Would you like me to tell you where the delete button is?

 

You'd think so, wouldn't you?

;–)

 

In 1986, Philamon Mtwetwe was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from University.

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Philamon approached it very carefully.

He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Philamon worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.

The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Philamon stood frozen, thinking he would be trampled.

Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Philamon never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Philamon was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his son.

As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Philamon and his son were standing.

The large bull elephant stared at Philamon, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man. Remembering the encounter in 1986, Philamon couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant...... Philamon summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.

The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Philamon's legs and slammed his head against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn't the same elephant

 

By the way....A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain and sexual activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late...

 

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and a gorgeous redhead is sitting at the next table. He's been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the
nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket. The man reaches out, grabs it by reflex and hands it back to the
lady without attracting the attention of other diners.

"I'm so sorry," the woman says, popping her eye back in place. "That was a smart catch, and very kind of you. Let me buy your dinner by way of thanks."

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, then they go to the theatre, followed by drinks. They have a great evening, they laugh, they talk about their lives. She insists on paying for everything, then she asks him if he would like to come to her place and perhaps stay for breakfast. An unforgettable night ensues.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet breakfast with all the trimmings. The man is amazed.

"Look," he says, "I've had an incredible time. You're the perfect woman. But I'm just an ordinary man. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"

"No," she replies. . .



"... You just happened to catch my eye."

 

I'm getting really fed up with these friends of mine that drink so much.
Just last night they dropped me three times when they carried me to the car !

 

Simphiwe couldn't afford R3000 for personalized car number plates, so he paid the Department of Home Affairs R100 to change his name to BKZ913GP !
(Sorry, just had to get that one in !)

 

Three old ladies in the old age home dared one of the old age home's males to drop his pants so they can tell exactly how old he is... you know, like counting the year rings on a tree stump.
So the guy does.
You're 84 they tell him.
How could you tell, he wants to know.
That's easy, we were at your birthday party yesterday...!

 

Lucky me, I use shortcuts for all that!

Guess my neighbours can light up now.

 

Air Force One arrives at Heathrow Airport and President Bush strides to
a warm and dignified reception from the Queen. They are driven in a 1934
Bentley to the edge of central London where they change to a
magnificent 17th century carriage hitched to six white horses. They
continue on towards Buckingham Palace waving to the thousands of cheering Britons; all
Is going well.

Suddenly the right rear horse lets fly with the most horrendous earth
shattering fart ever heard in the British Empire . The smell is
atrocious and both passengers in the carriage must use handkerchiefs over
their noses. The fart shakes the coach, but the two dignitaries of State do their
bestto ignore the incident.

The Queen turns to President Bush, "Mr. President please accept my
regrets... I am sure you understand there are some things that even a
Queen cannot control."

George Bush, always trying to be "Presidential," replied: "Your Majesty, do
not give the matter another thought... Until you mentioned it, I thought it
was one of the horses."

 

Where's the boat?

 

A man ( a sailor in fact Artemis, just in case you were wondering) is dining in a fancy restaurant and a gorgeous redhead is sitting at the next table. He's been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the
nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket. The man reaches out, grabs it by reflex and hands it back to the
lady without attracting the attention of other diners.

"I'm so sorry," the woman says, popping her eye back in place. "That was a smart catch, and very kind of you. Let me buy your dinner by way of thanks."

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, then they go to the theatre, followed by drinks. They have a great evening, they laugh, they talk about their lives. She insists on paying for everything, then she asks him if he would like to come to her place and perhaps stay for breakfast. An unforgettable night ensues.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet breakfast with all the trimmings. The man is amazed.

"Look," he says, "I've had an incredible time. You're the perfect woman. But I'm just an ordinary man. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"

"No," she replies. . .



"... You just happened to catch my eye."

 

Who care's, it's Funny!

 

What the???? am I seeing double, that sounds familiar does that.

Ok hands up those people with serious memory problems?

Artemis why are you hands by your side?