BOAT JOKES (we need a few laughs)

Discussion in 'All Things Boats & Boating' started by brian eiland, Oct 29, 2006.

  1. Angélique
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    Angélique aka Angel (only by name)

  2. hoytedow
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    hoytedow Wood Butcher

    LMAO
     
  3. Rurudyne
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    Rurudyne Senior Member

    His Lucky Night

    A young man was buying condoms at a pharmacy and bragged to the pharmacist that tonight was finally gonna be "the night". He was gonna meet her folks for dinner, then take her out to a show and then he felt things were finally gonna happen. Even went so far as to buy a 12-pack.

    That night at dinner he asked if he could say the prayer.

    He prayed earnestly for several minutes.

    "You never told me you were very religious." his girlfriend quietly commented while they were eating.

    "You never told me your dad was a pharmacist." he replied.
     
  4. hoytedow
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    hoytedow Wood Butcher

    "Tonight's the night" reminds me of a song:

     
    Last edited: Mar 15, 2018
  5. Angélique
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    Angélique aka Angel (only by name)

    Gordon died. So Susan went to the local paper to put a notice in the obituaries. The gentleman at the counter, after offering his condolences, asked Susan what she would like to say about Gordon.

    Susan replied, "You just put, 'Gordon died.'"

    The gentleman, somewhat perplexed, said, "That's it? Just 'Gordon died?'

    Surely, there must be something more you'd like to say about Gordon. If it's money you're concerned about, the first five words are free. We really should say something more."

    So Susan pondered for a few minutes and finally said, "O.K., then. You put 'Gordon died. Sailboat for sale.'
     
  6. Angélique
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    Angélique aka Angel (only by name)

    [​IMG]
     
  7. Angélique
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    Angélique aka Angel (only by name)

    Thread: Tanker Proa ---> Post #56
     
  8. Rurudyne
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    Rurudyne Senior Member

    A bank robber turned on the patrons, witnesses, and demanded of the first: "Did you see me rob this bank?"

    Theman said "Yes." and was promptly shot for his trouble.

    The bank robber demanded the same of a married couple next in line.

    "I didn't," said the woman, "but I'm sure my husband did!"
     
  9. hoytedow
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    hoytedow Wood Butcher

    Is it true Paris Hilton carries her chihuahua because someone told her, "After your dog poops, pick it up."?
     
  10. Angélique
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    Angélique aka Angel (only by name)

    ‘‘After your dog poops, pick it up’’ is common knowledge Hoyt, many people do that...

    The first one obviously did it on the escalator, while some others did it in the house . . :eek:

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    There's 6 more at the above link...
     
    Last edited: Mar 28, 2018
  11. Angélique
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    Location: Belgium ⇄ The Netherlands

    Angélique aka Angel (only by name)

    [​IMG]

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    Next is as far as I know no joke, although the first one made me think so...

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    ‘‘ These ‘Meta-Perceptual Helmets’ give humans the opportunity to experience the hyper-stereo vision of the hammerhead shark. Its wide set eyes allow the shark to see 360 degrees, which enables it to hunt prey such as squid that are able to propel themselves swiftly in any direction. ’’

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    ‘‘ While the hammerhead shark has a large blind spot in the centre of its field of vision - in front of its head – it solves this by swinging its head form side-to-side as it swims, so it has a clear view all around itself, including above and below. ’’
     
  12. hoytedow
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    hoytedow Wood Butcher

    P47Thunderbolt had the same problem when taxiing.

     
  13. Angélique
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    Angélique aka Angel (only by name)

    Not with sight, but with shooting I think, I've just looked into the 1945 USAAF Fighter Gun Harmonization manual.

    The P-47 is on the pages 34 & 35 there. Note; in the E version these are the pages 37 & 38, since the cover and the foreword pages are counted just like the other pages in this E version of the manual.

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    Note, as the top and bottom of these pages say, this is all restricted info, so from now on never ever link to the Boat Jokes Thread again . . :eek:
     
    Last edited: Apr 5, 2018
  14. Angélique
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    Angélique aka Angel (only by name)

    While I was reading the above 1945 USAAF manual I've missed your post update that says the post is about taxiing, i.e. not flying, and so I've also missed the added video (thanks for that :)). So your update kinda cross posted with my above post.

    Yes, when taxiing the P-47 suffers from the Hammerhead dead spot also with sight, since they're sitting so far behind the upward pointing nose.

    The ‘‘Hammerhead shooting dead spot’’ (no shooting right in front of mid center of the nose) ranges up to max 800' (244 m) according to the above pictured gun harmonization charts.

    To enhance this they'll need an extra gun that shoots through the prop.
     
    Last edited: Apr 6, 2018

  15. Angélique
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    Angélique aka Angel (only by name)

    Like e.g. on the P-39Q, the below shown page 32 comes from the same above USAAF manual . . .

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    Note, as it says this is still USAAF restricted info, so don't tell anyone you saw it, if you're not authorised . . :cool:

    Below a page from the Pilot's Flight Operating Instructions Bell P-39K-1 and P39L-1, which is the closest I've found in a quick search for the P-39Q internal and her gun set up, consisting of a 37 mm (1.46") Oldsmobile T9 cannon firing through the center of the prop hub for optimum accuracy and stability when firing, and above the T9 cannon, also in top view center a .50 machine gun shooting through the prop, and further half way in each wing a .30 machine gun. With the T9 cannon she could take out a tank of that time by shooting through the tank's armor.

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    Last edited: Apr 8, 2018
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