Boat Jokes (we need a few laughs)

The Atheist and the Bear

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods . . .

What majestic trees!

What powerful rivers!

What beautiful animals!" he said to himself.

As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes
behind him. He turned to look; and there was a huge grizzly bear rushing
towards him. He turned and ran as fast as he could up the path. He
looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him.

Not seeing the path dip, he tripped and fell. Rolling over he saw the bear
right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his
right paw to strike him. At that instant the atheist cried out: "Oh my
God!..."

Time stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.

As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky:
"You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't exist, and
even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you
out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"

The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical
of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps could
You make the BEAR a Christian?"

"Very well," said the voice.

The light went out.

The sounds of the forest resumed.

The bear dropped to his haunches, brought both paws together, bowed
his head and spoke:

"Lord, bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty,
through Christ our Lord. Amen."

 

REAL FRIENDS
Guy gets home late and explains to his wife he had to visit a friend to work on his new boat design.
So the wife phones his ten best friends.
Eight confirmed he was there to work on the design,
Two said he was still there and they're working on the hull !

 

This is a chain mail !
Send it to 5 frends in two minutes and nothing will happen to you.
This one really works. Look, I did it and absolutely nothing happened to me !

 

Couple (wife a blond) decide the wife would use her assets to make some extra income. So the first night they made 188.50.

That's not too bad for a first night, the husband says, but who gave 50c ?

What do you mean ask wife, they all gave 50c

 

MMMMMmmmmmm some good some bad Fanie; annd some bloody confusing! Now this bear thing??? better explain that to Frosty (me I wet myself laughing but Frosty well?) Oh yes and "J"s are funny letters pronounced differently in different languages! Prove interesting at times!

 

Boat Jokes

 

Sorry about the 'J' - the word appeared as a 'no-no' (******) so I had to modify it to appear as some readable chars.

 

Don't worry about the J's (jays? lol)

I really liked your atheist joke – being one, and all

 

Paddy and his missus are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbour's' dog barking. It had been barking for hours and hours.
Suddenly Paddy jumps up out of bed and says "I've had enough of this".
He goes downstairs.

Paddy finally comes back up to bed and his wife says, "The dog is still barking. What have you been doing?"

Paddy says "I've put the dog in our yard . Fookin' see how THEY like it !"

 

Bummer! My neighbours don't smoke …

 

Oh Oh that joke about paddy and the dog oh please I cant stop laughing ,--my belly fat is hurting .

 

They might if it's that good

 

That was my point - never caught them smoke, no matter how much I hoofed and poofed.

 

Get pretty warm during it tho'

 

They might not, but do you?