Boat Jokes (we need a few laughs)

Discussion in 'All Things Boats & Boating' started by brian eiland, Oct 29, 2006.

  1. ancient kayaker
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    ancient kayaker aka Terry Haines

    Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a check-up, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.
    Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.

    'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'

    'Sure.'

    'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.

    'No, I can remember it.'

    'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?'

    He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'

    'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.

    Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'

    Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.

    'Where's my toast?'
     
  2. ancient kayaker
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    ancient kayaker aka Terry Haines

    An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.

    The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.'

    The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'

    The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What’s the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know, the one that's red and has thorns.'

    'Do you mean a rose?'

    'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man.

    He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'
     
  3. ancient kayaker
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    ancient kayaker aka Terry Haines

    Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.

    After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.

    On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.

    'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'
     
  4. ancient kayaker
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    ancient kayaker aka Terry Haines

    A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: 'So I hear you're getting married?'

    'Yep!'

    'Do I know her?'

    'Nope!'

    'This woman, is she good looking?'

    'Not really.'

    'Is she a good cook?'

    'Naw, she can't cook too well.'

    'Does she have lots of money?'

    'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'

    'Well, then, is she good in bed?'

    'I don't know.'

    'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'

    'Because she can still drive!'
     
  5. ancient kayaker
    Joined: Aug 2006
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    ancient kayaker aka Terry Haines

    A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.'

    'Really,' answered the neighbor. 'What kind is it?'

    'Twelve thirty.'
     
  6. ancient kayaker
    Joined: Aug 2006
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    ancient kayaker aka Terry Haines

    Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.

    A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.

    A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'

    Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''

    The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'
     
  7. ancient kayaker
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    ancient kayaker aka Terry Haines

    One more just for Fanie -

    A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlour and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool... After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.

    The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'

    'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'
     
  8. El_Guero

    El_Guero Previous Member

    Terry,

    Are you so ancient you are over the hill?

    Well, all your jokes are over the hill.

    :)
     
  9. ancient kayaker
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    ancient kayaker aka Terry Haines

    It's nice on this side of the hill! All those jokes are very meaningful at my time of life except the "hot mamma" one . . .
     
  10. El_Guero

    El_Guero Previous Member

    :)

    I hope I do not catch up too soon.
     
  11. hoytedow
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    hoytedow Fly on the Wall - Miss ddt yet?

  12. El_Guero

    El_Guero Previous Member

    Cuba is always an option.

    :p
     
  13. ancient kayaker
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    ancient kayaker aka Terry Haines

    - especially if you try to take it from Ukraine . . .
     
  14. hoytedow
    Joined: Sep 2009
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    Location: The Land of Lost Content

    hoytedow Fly on the Wall - Miss ddt yet?


  15. Angélique
    Joined: Feb 2009
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    Location: Belgium ⇄ The Netherlands

    Angélique aka Angel (only by name)

    So I've been in America, it was also not like what I saw on TV, there lives the band Rowwen Hèze who plays Tex-Mex and sings in Limburgish :)

    [​IMG]

    Some Rowwen Hèze fans in front of the town sign, the beer they drink is Hertog Jan.​

    Cheers,
    Angel
     
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