Boat Jokes (we need a few laughs)

Discussion in 'All Things Boats & Boating' started by brian eiland, Oct 29, 2006.

  1. Fanie
    Joined: Oct 2007
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    Location: Colonial "Sick Africa"

    Fanie Fanie

    Near Fredericksburg,Texas,where there is a large German-speaking population, a farmer walking down a country road notices a man drinking from his pond with his hand.

    The farmer shouted, "Trink das wasser nicht, die kuhen haben dahin gesheissen."

    Which means "Don't drink the water, the cows have pooped in it."

    The man shouted back, I'm from New York, and just down here campaigning for Obama's

    health care plan. I can't understand you. Please speak English.

    The farmer replied "Use two hands ,you'll get more."
     
  2. Fanie
    Joined: Oct 2007
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    Location: Colonial "Sick Africa"

    Fanie Fanie

    A guy is sitting in the pub in the departures area at a busy international
    airport. A beautiful woman walks in and sits down at the table next to him.
    He is completely gob-smacked by how attractive she is. He decides because
    she's that pretty, she's probably an off-duty flight attendant. So he decides
    to have a go at picking her up by identifying the airline she flies for, thereby
    impressing her greatly.

    He leans across to her and says the Delta Airlines motto

    "We love to fly and it shows"

    The woman looks at him blankly. He sits back and thinks up another line.

    He leans forward again and delivers the Air France motto

    "Winning the hearts of the world"

    Again she just stares at him with a slightly puzzled look on her face.

    Undeterred, he tries again, this time saying the Malaysian Airlines motto

    "Going beyond expectations"

    The woman looks at him and says "What the hell do you want?"

    "Ah!" he says, sitting back with a smile on his face. "South African Airways"
     
  3. Fanie
    Joined: Oct 2007
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    Location: Colonial "Sick Africa"

    Fanie Fanie

    A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses.
    She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"
    After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.
    The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"
    "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
     
  4. the1much
    Joined: Jul 2007
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    Location: maine

    the1much hippie dreams

    this baby seal walked into a club..........................
     
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  5. the1much
    Joined: Jul 2007
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    Location: maine

    the1much hippie dreams

    2 lesbians and 2 gay guys left texas to go to florida,,who got there first and why??
    the lesbians did,,they did 69 all the way,,,the 2 gay guys still at home packing their sh!@
     
  6. ancient kayaker
    Joined: Aug 2006
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    Location: Alliston, Ontario, Canada

    ancient kayaker aka Terry Haines

    At -50C ?
     
  7. Fanie
    Joined: Oct 2007
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    Location: Colonial "Sick Africa"

    Fanie Fanie

    LOL Ancient, When you're getting cold you're slowing down :D
     
  8. El_Guero

    El_Guero Previous Member

    The farmer called me and said you need to add the rest of his quote, "And here take my thermos so you have water for your boss."

    :cool:
     
  9. Fanie
    Joined: Oct 2007
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    Location: Colonial "Sick Africa"

    Fanie Fanie

    Now that's what I call popular !



    Remember the joke of the guy who was asked money for bread by this skinny unshaven dirty really bad looking beggar ?

    So he asked the beggar if he smokes, the reply was no sir
    he asked the beggar if he drinks, the reply was no sir
    he asked the beggar if he messes with wiemen, the reply was no sir

    He then all excited said to the beggar, get in the car !
    I want to show my wife what someone looks like who doesn't smoke, drink or messes with wiemen !
     
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  10. Angélique
    Joined: Feb 2009
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    Location: Belgium ⇄ The Netherlands

    Angélique aka Angel (only by name)

    Think Fanie got his inspiration closer to home...

    [​IMG]

    After he tried to live like one the species was called ‘‘******* Penguin’’ . . :p

    [​IMG]

    Cheers,
    Angel
     
  11. Angélique
    Joined: Feb 2009
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    Location: Belgium ⇄ The Netherlands

    Angélique aka Angel (only by name)

    Maybe a setback ? ‘‘The African Penguin is monogamous.’’ :p

    Cheers,
    Angel
     
  12. hoytedow
    Joined: Sep 2009
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    Location: The Land of Lost Content

    hoytedow Fly on the Wall - Miss ddt yet?

    It reminds me of Oscar Night, except in Hollywood they are definitely not monogamous.
     
  13. Angélique
    Joined: Feb 2009
    Posts: 3,003
    Likes: 330, Points: 83, Legacy Rep: 1632
    Location: Belgium ⇄ The Netherlands

    Angélique aka Angel (only by name)

  14. hoytedow
    Joined: Sep 2009
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    Location: The Land of Lost Content

    hoytedow Fly on the Wall - Miss ddt yet?

    There are indeed. :)
     

  15. Fanie
    Joined: Oct 2007
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    Location: Colonial "Sick Africa"

    Fanie Fanie

    The closest thing to "penquin" I get from the old witch is the "penguin call" when I expect some attention...
    Eh- ehhhhh.... eh-ehhhhhh
     
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