Boat Jokes (we need a few laughs)

Discussion in 'All Things Boats & Boating' started by brian eiland, Oct 29, 2006.

  1. Redtick
    Joined: Jul 2009
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    Location: usa

    Redtick Junior Member

    The photographer for a national magazine was assigned to get photos of a
    major fire. Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he
    frantically called his home office to hire a plane.

    "It will be waiting for you at the airport!" he was assured by his editor.

    Sure enough, when he arrived at the small rural airport, a plane was warming
    up near the runway. He jumped in with his equipment and yelled, "Let's go!
    Let's go!" The pilot swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the
    air.

    "Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make
    three or four low level passes."

    "Why?" asked the pilot. "Because I'm going to take pictures! I'm a
    photographer, and photographers take pictures!" said the photographer with
    great exasperation and impatience.

    After a long pause the pilot said, "You mean you're not the flight
    instructor?"
     
  2. medaca

    medaca Previous Member

    Nice One!
     
  3. thudpucker
    Joined: Jul 2007
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    Location: Al.

    thudpucker Senior Member

    On the wall of the Elmendorf Officers Club Latrine:

    "Nuke em' till they glow, n' use their Asses for Landing lights!"
     
  4. lewisboats
    Joined: Oct 2002
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    Location: Iowa

    lewisboats Obsessed Member

    Somebody opened a can of SPAM around here.
     
  5. hoytedow
    Joined: Sep 2009
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    Location: Control Group

    hoytedow Carbon Based Life Form

  6. Angélique
    Joined: Feb 2009
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    Location: Belgium ⇄ The Netherlands

    Angélique aka Angel (only by name)

    And click on ‘‘Flag for Moderator[​IMG]’’ in the right corner above the post, and report, sure it will be dealt with then . . . :)

    Cheers,
    Angel
     
  7. lewisboats
    Joined: Oct 2002
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    Location: Iowa

    lewisboats Obsessed Member

    Already done...seconds after my observation. I had to get my $.02 in first though :D
     
  8. Boat Design Net Moderator
    Joined: Feb 2010
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    Location: www.boatdesign.net

    Boat Design Net Moderator Moderator

    Sorry about that. The two spammers have now been removed.
     
  9. Angélique
    Joined: Feb 2009
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    Location: Belgium ⇄ The Netherlands

    Angélique aka Angel (only by name)

    Hey :), not your fault, thanks for taking care [​IMG]

    Cheers,
    Angel
     
  10. hoytedow
    Joined: Sep 2009
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    Location: Control Group

    hoytedow Carbon Based Life Form

    Ditto.
     
  11. Fanie
    Joined: Oct 2007
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    Likes: 177, Points: 63, Legacy Rep: 2484
    Location: Colonial "Sick Africa"

    Fanie Fanie

    Four nuns were attending a rugby game. Three men were sitting directly behind them. Because their habits were partially blocking the view, the men decided to badger the nuns, hoping they'd get annoyed enough to move to another area.

    In a very loud voice, the first guy said, "I think I'm going to move to Bloemfontein. there are only 100 nuns living there."

    Then the second guy spoke up and said loudly, "I want to move to Witbank. there are only 50 nuns living there."

    The third guy yelled, "I want to go to Rustenburg, there are only 25 nuns living there."

    The Mother Superior turned around, looked at the men, and in a very sweet and calm voice said, "Why don't you go to hell ... there aren't any nuns there."
     
  12. Fanie
    Joined: Oct 2007
    Posts: 4,604
    Likes: 177, Points: 63, Legacy Rep: 2484
    Location: Colonial "Sick Africa"

    Fanie Fanie

    Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.
    He shoots his friend, killing him.

    Wife says "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends!"

    *******************************************

    What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?

    Stress is when wife is pregnant,

    Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant,

    And Panic is when both are pregnant.

    ****************************************

    Teacher: Do you know the importance of a period?

    Kid: Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, Dad got a
    heart attack & our driver ran away.

    *********************************************************

    A woman asks man who is traveling with six children, "Are all these kids
    yours?"

    The man replies, "No, I work in a condom factory and these are customer
    complaints".

    *********************************************************

    A young boy asks his Dad, "What is the difference between confident and
    confidential?"

    Dad says, "You are my son, I'm confident about that.

    Your friend over there, is also my son, that's confidential."

    *********************************************************

    Nominated as the best short joke this year...

    A three-year-old boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath.

    "Mom" he asked, "are these my brains?"

    "Not yet," she replied.
     
  13. Fanie
    Joined: Oct 2007
    Posts: 4,604
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    Location: Colonial "Sick Africa"

    Fanie Fanie

    An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.

    He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, the eternal pessimist who refused to be impressed with anything. This, surely, would impress him. He invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.

    As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. This continued all day long; each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the water to retrieve it.

    The pessimist watched carefully, saw everything, but did not say a single word.

    On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?"

    "I sure did," responded the pessimist. "He can't swim."
     
  14. Fanie
    Joined: Oct 2007
    Posts: 4,604
    Likes: 177, Points: 63, Legacy Rep: 2484
    Location: Colonial "Sick Africa"

    Fanie Fanie

    Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it.

    The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could. He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step. Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat.

    Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin.

    The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside, "You skin this one while I go and get another!"
     

  15. Fanie
    Joined: Oct 2007
    Posts: 4,604
    Likes: 177, Points: 63, Legacy Rep: 2484
    Location: Colonial "Sick Africa"

    Fanie Fanie

    A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the Mrs awoke to find her mother gone.

    Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother. The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her.

    In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a hilling sight: the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her.

    The wife cried, "What are we going to do?"

    "Nothing," said the hunter husband. "The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it."
     
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