Boat Jokes (we need a few laughs)

Discussion in 'All Things Boats & Boating' started by brian eiland, Oct 29, 2006.

  1. Fanie
    Joined: Oct 2007
    Posts: 4,603
    Likes: 174, Points: 63, Legacy Rep: 2484
    Location: Colonial "Sick Africa"

    Fanie Fanie

    1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
    Only in the east.

    2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
    We Dutch Afrikaners in South Africa call them that all the time :p

    3. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
    Probably if mommy have nice nanna's, yes, of course, what kind of a question is this ?

    4. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
    Well, it can't be hoarse, can it ?

    5. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
    You don't see the clothes :cool:

    6. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
    He is broke and needs your's :eek:

    7. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
    I

    8. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
    In South Afrika we are.

    9. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
    Ego perhaps ?

    10. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
    Probably because the sea is too big to see over :rolleyes:

    11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
    In schools here they do :D

    12. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
    Correct !

    13. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
    And fishermen are deboned and hunters skinned and sailor's stayed.

    14. What hair colour do they put on the driver's licences of bald men?
    I completely blanked when I read this question :idea:

    15.. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
    When kids finally get their rights they WILL demand **** !

    16.. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
    Actually, they will be rewarded by the checque the postman gives them if I read obummer right ! It worked here, why won't it work there ?

    17. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
    On our roads you can do what ever you want, but if you speed, even slightly, you are dead meat.

    18. No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning.
    Same as there are only religious men in the face of death ?

    19. Ever wonder about those people who spend £2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAÏVE
    Sprinkle it on your boat for good luck then :rolleyes:

    20. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
    Ever seen how someone who just farted look at every one else ?
    LOL, and who feels guilty ?
     
  2. Pericles
    Joined: Sep 2006
    Posts: 2,010
    Likes: 136, Points: 63, Legacy Rep: 1307
    Location: Heights of High Wycombe, not far from River Thames

    Pericles Senior Member

    A young Aussie lad moved to London and went to Harrods looking for a job.
    >
    >
    > The manager asked 'Do you have any sales experience?'
    >
    > The young man answered 'Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Dubbo.'
    >
    > The manager liked the Aussie so he gave him the job.
    >
    > His first day was challenging and busy, but he got through it.
    >
    > After the store was locked up, the manager came down and asked, 'OK,
    > so how many sales did you make today?'
    >
    >
    > The Aussie said 'One!'
    >
    >
    > The manager groaned and continued, 'Just one? Our sales people average
    > 20 or 30 sales a day.
    >
    >
    > How much was the sale for?'
    > '£124,237.64p.'
    >
    > The manager choked and exclaimed £124,237.64!! What the hell did you sell him?'
    >
    > 'Well, first I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium fish hook and
    > then I sold him a new fishing rod.'
    >
    >
    > 'Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the
    > coast, so I told him he would need a boat, so we went down to the boat
    > department and I sold him that twin-engine Power Cat.'
    >
    >
    >
    > 'Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took
    > him down to car sales and I sold him the 4 x4
    >
    >
    > The manager, incredulous, said, 'You mean to tell me...a guy came in
    > here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a 4x4?'
    >
    > 'No, no, no... he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his lady
    > friend and I said...




    > 'Well, since your weekend's buggered mate, you might as well go fishing.'
     
  3. ancient kayaker
    Joined: Aug 2006
    Posts: 3,497
    Likes: 147, Points: 0, Legacy Rep: 2291
    Location: Alliston, Ontario, Canada

    ancient kayaker aka Terry Haines

    £124,237.64p eh? Either the exchange rate or inflation, used to be only US$112,237.64!
     
  4. Fanie
    Joined: Oct 2007
    Posts: 4,603
    Likes: 174, Points: 63, Legacy Rep: 2484
    Location: Colonial "Sick Africa"

    Fanie Fanie

    An Arab enters a taxi cab in Dallas, Texas.

    Once he is seated he asks the cab driver to turn off the radio because he must not hear music, as decreed by his religion; and in the time of the prophet, there was no music, especially Western music, which is music of the infidels, and certainly no radio.

    So the cab driver politely switches off the radio, pulls over to the side, stops the cab and opens the back door.

    The Arab asks him: What are you doing man?

    The Texan answers: In the time of the prophet there were no taxis.
    So get your *** out and wait for a camel.

    You gotta love Texas.
     
  5. Pericles
    Joined: Sep 2006
    Posts: 2,010
    Likes: 136, Points: 63, Legacy Rep: 1307
    Location: Heights of High Wycombe, not far from River Thames

    Pericles Senior Member

    Terry AK,

    This is Harrods we're joking about. Always twice the price in there. :):)
     
  6. Fanie
    Joined: Oct 2007
    Posts: 4,603
    Likes: 174, Points: 63, Legacy Rep: 2484
    Location: Colonial "Sick Africa"

    Fanie Fanie

    Talking about expensive. I received this encouraging message this morning :rolleyes:



    Good Day

    Petrol price is expected to rise by another 65 cents next month,
    I strongly recommend that you read this carefully and start looking for cheaper transport now……

    Here are a few pointers.
     

    Attached Files:

  7. ancient kayaker
    Joined: Aug 2006
    Posts: 3,497
    Likes: 147, Points: 0, Legacy Rep: 2291
    Location: Alliston, Ontario, Canada

    ancient kayaker aka Terry Haines

    I'm familiar with prices in UK (and Europe): I used to attend the model aircraft competitions in High Wycombe a VERY long while ago . . .
     
  8. hoytedow
    Joined: Sep 2009
    Posts: 5,853
    Likes: 392, Points: 93, Legacy Rep: 2489
    Location: Control Group

    hoytedow Carbon Based Life Form

    They look like a czar line-up at the white house.
     
  9. masalai
    Joined: Oct 2007
    Posts: 6,823
    Likes: 121, Points: 0, Legacy Rep: 1882
    Location: cruising, Australia

    masalai masalai

    Agroup of international sailors were wandering around town, there was an Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a Hawaiian and an Alaskan), an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovak, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, an Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, an Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Syrian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, an Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian, and two Africans…

    … walk into the Prime Rib Restaurant.

    "I'm sorry," says the maître d'hôtel, after scrutinizing the group. "You can't come in here without a Thai."
     
  10. Fanie
    Joined: Oct 2007
    Posts: 4,603
    Likes: 174, Points: 63, Legacy Rep: 2484
    Location: Colonial "Sick Africa"

    Fanie Fanie

    Honey, did you change the password on the computer ?

    Yes dear...

    Well... what is it ?

    It's our wedding aniversary dear.

    %&$#^%& !
     
    1 person likes this.
  11. Bamby
    Joined: Jun 2009
    Posts: 5
    Likes: 43, Points: 0, Legacy Rep: 889
    Location: USA near Wheeling, W.V.

    Bamby Junior Member

    And It's One, Two, Three, What Are We Fighting For?

    Fighting-Liberties.jpg
     
  12. hoytedow
    Joined: Sep 2009
    Posts: 5,853
    Likes: 392, Points: 93, Legacy Rep: 2489
    Location: Control Group

    hoytedow Carbon Based Life Form

    Poignant.
     
  13. lewisboats
    Joined: Oct 2002
    Posts: 2,329
    Likes: 129, Points: 0, Legacy Rep: 1603
    Location: Iowa

    lewisboats Obsessed Member

    indeed!
     
  14. SheetWise
    Joined: Jul 2004
    Posts: 279
    Likes: 54, Points: 0, Legacy Rep: 658
    Location: Phoenix

    SheetWise All Beach -- No Water.

    I see the humor -- and it depresses me.
     

  15. troy2000
    Joined: Nov 2009
    Posts: 1,743
    Likes: 170, Points: 63, Legacy Rep: 2078
    Location: California

    troy2000 Senior Member

    That one does hit home, I'm afraid.:(
     
Loading...
Similar Threads
  1. Swamp_Yankee
    Replies:
    2
    Views:
    164
  2. Riho
    Replies:
    0
    Views:
    122
  3. Squidly-Diddly
    Replies:
    7
    Views:
    165
  4. Hive_Zach
    Replies:
    14
    Views:
    380
  5. sdowney717
    Replies:
    3
    Views:
    511
  6. Sandith Thandasherry
    Replies:
    0
    Views:
    280
  7. sdowney717
    Replies:
    8
    Views:
    419
  8. masterdesign
    Replies:
    0
    Views:
    339
  9. christoph le
    Replies:
    8
    Views:
    469
  10. wet feet
    Replies:
    14
    Views:
    600
Forum posts represent the experience, opinion, and view of individual users. Boat Design Net does not necessarily endorse nor share the view of each individual post.
When making potentially dangerous or financial decisions, always employ and consult appropriate professionals. Your circumstances or experience may be different.