Boat Jokes (we need a few laughs)

More here . . . . .

Cheers,
Angel

 

how I take a break from boating...

 

I might take a 'ribbin for this... Cheers,


After his retirement Winston Churchill was cruising the Mediterranean on an Italian cruise liner and some Italian journalists asked why an ex British Prime Minister should choose an Italian ship.

“There are three things I like about being on an Italian cruise ship” said Churchill.

“First their cuisine is unsurpassed. Second their service is superb. And then, in time of emergency, there is none of this nonsense about women and children first."

 

Geniuses, stay away. The answers to this question is so simple a simpleton like me can answer it.

1. In which battle did Napoleon Bonaparte died?
2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
3. River Ravi flows in what state?
4. What is the main reason for divorce?
5. What is the main reason for failure?
6. What can you never eat for breakfast?
7. What looks like half an apple?
8. If you throw a red stone into a blue sea, what will it become?
9. How can a man last 8 days without sleeping?
10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?


I will post my answer later. Let's see how you guys come up.

 

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door.

Then an MP came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The MP was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen MPs lined up waiting for a free haircut. And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

BOTH POLITICIANS AND NAPPIES NEED TO BE CHANGED OFTEN AND FOR THE SAME REASON!

 

Coffee can hurt,

I was eating lunch on the 20th of February with my 6-year-old granddaughter and I asked her, "What day is tomorrow?"

She said "It's President's Day!"

She is a smart kid. So, I asked "What does President's Day mean?" I was waiting for something about Washington or Lincoln, etc.

She replied, "President's Day is when President Obama steps out of the White House, and if he sees his shadow we have one more year of unemployment."

You know, it actually hurts when hot coffee is spurting out your nose ….

 

Not sure I believe that actually happened, but it's a great story.

 

I'll give those a shot....

1. Napoleon didn't die in battle.
2. At the bottom.
3. Liquid state
4. Marriage
5. Trying
6. Supper
7. The other half
8. Wet
9. Sleep at night
10. Elephants don't have hands

 

Now, Troy, he told the geniuses to stay away.

 

Mac is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night. Mac replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"Mac replies, "That would be my wife."

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I just got off the phone with a friend living in North Dakota near the Canadian Border. He said that since early this morning the snow has been coming down, it is nearly waist high and is still falling. The temperature is dropping way below zero and the north wind is increasing to near gale force. His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just stare. He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.

 

Very few took up the challenge. Don't search for facts. Just be logical. If the answer isn't logical, the question must be wrong, so an illogical answer is needed as in 10. There are many answer to some of the questions. Have fun.

1. In which battle did Napoleon Bonaparte died? In his last battle. (He did not die in a battle), Battle against disease
2. Where was the declaration of Independence signed? At the bottom of the page.
3. Rive Ravi flows in what state? Liquid
4. What is the main reason for divorce? Marriage
5. What is the main reason for failure? Exams. Trying
6. What can you never eat for breakfast? Lunch and dinner
7. What looks like half an apple? The other half
8. If you throw a red stone into a blue sea, what will it become? Wet
9. How can a man last 8 days without sleeping? He sleeps at night
10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand? There is no elephant with one hand. Use a lift. Call Superman

If you see the drift as some of the members did, you get all the answers.

 

Dark forces here...
What is the similarity between starship enterprises from starwars and toilet paper ?
They both circle uranis in search of cling-ons .

 

How is duct tape like the universe?

-It has a light side and a dark side, and it binds the universe together.

 

GENERIC LIMERICK
There once was an X from place B
That satisfied predicate P
He or she did thing A
In an adjective way
Resulting in circumstance C

 

Fanny, I got three correct answers and three wrong. That makes me a pervert with Alzheimer's disease?