Boat Jokes (we need a few laughs)

Hi hoytedow,

What is acceptable width to tow it on roads in USA? - - Why not that as a beam overall? 6x10 is what we refer to as a box trailer (usually the smallest size commercially available)...

 

The boat must fold to fit between wheel wells which have a 44 inch space between them. Remember I will be carrying this in my truck whilst towing my camper teardrop trailer. The front of the trailer cabin is slightly over 4 feet from the back end of the 6 feet long truck bed.

 

The hulls will be decked over where not within the camper shell of the truck to keep it dry on the road.

 

Angling the hulls down through window opening would give you more clearance (it doesn't look like you have enough to turn without conflict but that could be just the drawing). You could also consider a rack for your roof which would open up a bunch of other options.

 

From the top the hulls form an arc so they won't impinge in any way.

 

Funniest boat story I know was pops was out drinking in the sound with his neighbors, 4 or 5 boats tied together to form an impromptu "block party" Pops boat was the only one with a hook in the sand.

After much more drinking the fools all cast off my dads boat and headed the short jaunt home. Pops did as well, When he reached the end of his anchor line he was moving about 30 mph, (take your pick N.M. or E.S.)

The anchor actually pulled free of the sand and sprung into the sky at the full length of the line. The davenport landed between the legs of one of the drunks driving some 3 inches into the sole. A nearly fatal accident that had at least some elements of humor,
Or at least a strong moral.

 

Davenports are good for keeping boat's stationary. For anchoring- not so much.

 

davenport- thought I'd draw some groans with that one before now.

 

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2011-09-28/20110928-drunken-lorikeets-on-bender/3026032 "NT lorikeets pickled as parrots in annual bender"

 

Rich boy and poor boy were in love with the same girl all through school.

After school the rich boy went away to fancy college and poor boy stayed home and married the girl. Years went buy and poor boy no matter how hard he tried couldn't make their life any better. His prized possession other than his wife was a fiddle passed down through the family and a rowboat.

A few years later rich boy comes home in his big yacht anchored off shore and still has a thing for the girl he left behind. One day he approached the poor boy with a proposition. Poor boy would take girl to yacht and if rich boy got in her pants in an hour he would get the passed down fiddle, but if he couldn't the poor boy would get the yacht and never be bothered again by him.

The couple talked it over and decided this was their way to escape to a better life. The girl was certain she could hold off rich boy for a mere hour.

Poor boy rowed the girl to the yacht and she went in.

Poor boy rowed around the yacht singing, BE TRUE MY LOVE, BE TRUE MY LOVE TIS ONLY FOR AN HOUR. He rowed and sang and as the hour was nearly up he rowed to a open port hole and again sang, BE TRUE MY LOVE, BE TRUE MY LOVE TIS ONLY FOR AN HOUR BE TRUE MY LOVE THIS YACHT WILL SOON BE OURS.

From deep in the yacht he heard the girl sing TO LATE MY LOVE,TO LATE MY LOVE HIS HAND IS IN MY MIDDLE, I'M ON MY BACK, HES IN MY CRACK AND YOU LOST YOUR FRICKIN FIDDLE.

 

City boy is driving down a country road and see's a sign tacked up on a telephone pole... sign says " for sale, talking dog, next house on the right".
well the city boy knows theres no such thing as a talking dog, but he decides to stop just for the hell of it...

As he's getting out of his car he see's this old man sitting on the porch in a rocking chair... city boy asks " you the man with the talking dog for sale?

Old man says "yeah".. city boy says "come on old man, there's no such thing as a talking dog and you know it"... old man says "yeah there is, go around back and see for yourself".

So the city boy walks around the back and there he finds a dog tied up to a tree... city boy says " so you're the talking dog ".. and to his amazement he hears " yep, I'm the talking dog".

City boy turns around and surveys the area because surely someone is playing a trick on him... but there's no one else there.. it's just him and the dog... so the city boy says, wow, you can talk... so what's your story..

The dog looks at him and says " well they found out that I could talk when I was just a young pup..before you know it they had me wondering around the local airport listening to passengers to see if anyone was planning to bomb a plane..when ever I heard something I just told the head of security and the people would be arrested.. dog went on to say I got sooo good at it that the C.I.A. heard about me and they ended up sending me overseas.. I would just wonder around the embassy buildings and listen to what foreign heads of state were planning, then I would report back directly to the president of the united states... Finally a couple of years ago I decided to retire and live out the rest of my life here on this old farm in Georgia....

City boy says.. wait, I'll be right back... city boy goes back to the old man and says " you sure you want to sell that old dog ".. old man says " sure do".

How much? asks the city boy..

Old man says " give 10 bucks and he's yours"..

City boy says " 10 bucks!!!! why so cheap for a talking dog.

Old man says the son of a ***** is a fricking liar... he aint never been out of the back yard.

 

Why do women fake orgasms ?
Because they think men care.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first ?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.. It's called a Wedding Cake.

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

 

There's an old sea story about a ship's Captain who inspected
His sailors, and afterward told the first mate that his men smelled bad..

The Captain suggested perhaps it would help if the sailors
Would change underwear occasionally.

The first mate responded, "Aye, aye sir, I'll see to it immediately!"

The first mate went straight to the sailors berth deck and announced, "The
Captain thinks you guys smell bad and wants you to change your underwear."

He continued, "Pittman, you change with Jones, McCarthy, you change with
Witkowski, and Brown, you change with Schultz."

THE MORAL OF THE STORY:

Someone may come along and promise "Change",

But don't count on things smelling any better.

 

The reason for Mad Cow disease

You know there are so many TV channels, each starved of new programs. In an Australian rural program for farmers, a female TV reporter seeking the main cause of Mad Cow disease, arranged for an interview with a farmer who may have some theories on the matter.

The interview was as follows:

The lady reporter: I am here to collect information on the possible sources
of Mad Cow Disease.
Can you offer any reason for this disease?

The farmer stared at the reporter and said
Do you know that a bull mounts a cow only once a year?

Reporter: (obviously embarrassed): Well, sir, that's a new piece of
information but what's the relation between this phenomenon and Mad Cow
disease?

Farmer: And, madam, do you know that we milk a cow twice a day?

Reporter: Sir, this is really valuable information, but what about getting
to the point?

Farmer: I am getting to the point, madam.
Just imagine, if I was playing with your **** twice a day....
and only screwing you once a year, wouldn't you get mad?

THE TV INTERVIEW WAS NEVER AIRED...

 

A son asked his mother the following question:


'Mom, why are wedding dresses white?' The mother looks at her
son and replies:


'Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure.'


The son thanks his Mom and goes off to double-check this with his father.


'Dad why are wedding dresses white?'


The father looks at his son in surprise and says:


'Son, all household appliances come in white.'