Boat Jokes (we need a few laughs)

Discussion in 'All Things Boats & Boating' started by brian eiland, Oct 29, 2006.

  1. troy2000
    Joined: Nov 2009
    Posts: 1,743
    Likes: 170, Points: 63, Legacy Rep: 2078
    Location: California

    troy2000 Senior Member

    Sure, Hoyt... blame it on the dog.
     
  2. hoytedow
    Joined: Sep 2009
    Posts: 5,856
    Likes: 398, Points: 93, Legacy Rep: 2489
    Location: Control Group

    hoytedow Carbon Based Life Form

    Ruh Roh!
     
  3. ancient kayaker
    Joined: Aug 2006
    Posts: 3,497
    Likes: 147, Points: 0, Legacy Rep: 2291
    Location: Alliston, Ontario, Canada

    ancient kayaker aka Terry Haines

    Old UK joke - substitute the daily delivery man of your choice -

    The milkman is on his last round, after 30 years of service he is retiring.

    At one house the women gives him a box of home-baked muffins.

    At the next he gets a card with a nice thank-you message.

    At the next one, an attractive blonde meets him, dressed in a sheer negligee. She takes him by the hand, leads him upstairs to a bedroom where she proceeds to give him the best and most passionate sex he has ever had. Then she takes him downstairs again and cooks him a superb breakfast. Finally she gives him a fiver.

    He is totally amazed by all this and asks her why . . .

    She replies: "well, I told my husband we should thank you appropriately for your hard work in all weathers and he said '$crew 'im, give him a fiver'. The breakfast was my idea"
     
  4. brian eiland
    Joined: Jun 2002
    Posts: 4,970
    Likes: 189, Points: 73, Legacy Rep: 1903
    Location: St Augustine Fl, Thailand

    brian eiland Senior Member

    Beach Balls.jpg


    .......:rolleyes: :eek:
     
    1 person likes this.
  5. Fanie
    Joined: Oct 2007
    Posts: 4,603
    Likes: 174, Points: 63, Legacy Rep: 2484
    Location: Colonial "Sick Africa"

    Fanie Fanie

    LOL. Brian I would never have cut the chair !
     
    1 person likes this.
  6. ancient kayaker
    Joined: Aug 2006
    Posts: 3,497
    Likes: 147, Points: 0, Legacy Rep: 2291
    Location: Alliston, Ontario, Canada

    ancient kayaker aka Terry Haines

    - surely a few minutes with some ice cubes . . . mmm . . . maybe not!
     
  7. Vulkyn
    Joined: Jun 2010
    Posts: 597
    Likes: 46, Points: 28, Legacy Rep: 654
    Location: Egypt

    Vulkyn Senior Member

    I wounder what he said to the beach maintenance team ?

    "i seem to have misplaced my balls?"
     
    1 person likes this.
  8. alaskamokaiman
    Joined: Oct 2006
    Posts: 67
    Likes: 2, Points: 0, Legacy Rep: 16
    Location: Palmer Alaska

    alaskamokaiman Junior Member

    The nuts on this chair are too tight.
     
  9. Landlubber
    Joined: Jun 2007
    Posts: 2,640
    Likes: 124, Points: 0, Legacy Rep: 1802
    Location: Brisbane

    Landlubber Senior Member

    Paddy is passing by Mick's hay shed one day when through a gap in the door he sees Mick doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old red Massey Ferguson. Buttocks clenched he performs a slow pirouette and gently slides off first the right welly followed by the left. He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move lets his braces fall down from his shoulders to dangle by his hips over his corduroy trousers . Grabbing both sides of his check shirt he rips it apart to reveal his tea stained vest underneath and with a final flourish he hurls his flat cap on to a pile of hay.
    'What on earth are you doing Mick' says Paddy.
    'Jeez Paddy ye frightened the livin bejasus out of me' says an obviously embarrassed Mick 'but me and the Missus been having some trouble lately in the bedroom department and the Therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor . "
     
    1 person likes this.
  10. hoytedow
    Joined: Sep 2009
    Posts: 5,856
    Likes: 398, Points: 93, Legacy Rep: 2489
    Location: Control Group

    hoytedow Carbon Based Life Form

    For the Laurentians, braces mean suspenders.
     
  11. hoytedow
    Joined: Sep 2009
    Posts: 5,856
    Likes: 398, Points: 93, Legacy Rep: 2489
    Location: Control Group

    hoytedow Carbon Based Life Form

    I have to assume a welly is a boot, patterned after the style of the Duke of Wellington.
     
  12. Poida
    Joined: Apr 2006
    Posts: 1,189
    Likes: 51, Points: 48, Legacy Rep: 497
    Location: Australia

    Poida Senior Member

    Jeez Landlubber, isn't it sad when a joke is lost due to the ignorance of the English language.
     
    1 person likes this.
  13. Vulkyn
    Joined: Jun 2010
    Posts: 597
    Likes: 46, Points: 28, Legacy Rep: 654
    Location: Egypt

    Vulkyn Senior Member

    "Now i know how the nut cracker felt ..."
     
  14. Fanie
    Joined: Oct 2007
    Posts: 4,603
    Likes: 174, Points: 63, Legacy Rep: 2484
    Location: Colonial "Sick Africa"

    Fanie Fanie

    A Golfer has been slicing off the tee on every hole.
    He asks his Irish caddy if he has noticed any obvious reasons for his poor
    tee shots, to which the caddy replies:

    "Aye, there's a piece of **** on the end of your driver. "
    The Golfer picks up his driver and cleans the club face, at which point the
    caddy says: "No, the other end."
     

  15. Wynand N
    Joined: Oct 2004
    Posts: 1,260
    Likes: 148, Points: 73, Legacy Rep: 1806
    Location: South Africa

    Wynand N Retired Steelboatbuilder

    Two 90 yr. old men decided to go to there local ***** house one more time before it was to late. They drove to the place together & went in, The Madam asked can I help you guys

    The old fellows replied Yes we would like to get screwed one last time before we die.

    The Madam thought to herself, I cant give these old pervs two of my good girls. So she decided to get two blow up girls & put them in a not well lit room. Well the two men finished there task & met back @ the car, The first guy asked his buddy How was it?

    The old guy replied It was like she was dead, She didn't move, moan or say anything but all in all it was good, What about you?

    The other guy replied I think she was a witch

    His partner said, What do you mean?

    He said Well I bit her & she farted & flew out the window!
     
Loading...
Similar Threads
  1. Squidly-Diddly
    Replies:
    3
    Views:
    139
  2. Vineet
    Replies:
    6
    Views:
    280
  3. Cool85
    Replies:
    6
    Views:
    415
  4. Howlandwoodworks
    Replies:
    0
    Views:
    248
  5. Driiftwood
    Replies:
    5
    Views:
    569
  6. valvebounce
    Replies:
    0
    Views:
    265
  7. brian eiland
    Replies:
    3
    Views:
    358
  8. Swamp_Yankee
    Replies:
    2
    Views:
    455
  9. Riho
    Replies:
    0
    Views:
    408
  10. Squidly-Diddly
    Replies:
    7
    Views:
    476
Forum posts represent the experience, opinion, and view of individual users. Boat Design Net does not necessarily endorse nor share the view of each individual post.
When making potentially dangerous or financial decisions, always employ and consult appropriate professionals. Your circumstances or experience may be different.