Boat Jokes (we need a few laughs)

you are disgusting

 

An IT student is walking along with his bike when another IT student walks up to him and goes “Nice bike. Where did you get it?”

The first student says, “The other day, this beautiful woman ran up to me with this bike, threw it on the ground, ripped off all her clothes and said ‘Take anything you want!’”

The first student says, “So I took the bike”.

The second student says, “Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn’t have fit”.

 

Shipwrecked ( #28957436)

Shipwrecked with three survivors: A woman and two men who manage to reach a nearby deserted (and remote) island.
After two weeks the woman kills herself - - - she is annoyed about what the men do to her.
After two more weeks the men give her a funeral - - - they are annoyed about what they do to her, too.
After two more weeks the men dig her out again - - - they are annoyed about what they do to each other.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=myU3nxg0HeU

Religious? Political?
Clearly funny

 

I'm politically correct, within reason. However, I don't demand that jokes stick strictly to the literal truth and never "offend" anyone. It's humor, folks -- not sociology or anthropology.

Some of the funniest stuff I've ever heard was from a black friend in New Jersey, who used to do improvised monologues bagging on 'honkies.' The best Italian jokes I know came from a friend of mine in New York, whose mother made lasagna worth killing for. And a Jewish girlfriend from Beverly Hills once told me, "if Jews are secretly running the world, I need to talk to someone. Because I haven't been getting my share of the action."

I also remember one time when I was driving a roustabout crew in Oklahoma, and saw a sign that was either an official state highway sign or a good imitation of one; it said, "Jesus is the Answer." Being a smart-*** California hippie, I read it aloud and said, "I wonder what the question was?" And some damn fool started giving me a bad time, telling me there was nothing funny about God and Jesus. I told him he needed to lighten up, because the very fact that God made us proves He has a sense of humor....

 

He meant get "stoned", not the "**** the sister" bit.

 

i know what he meant

 

"Never mind", she said.

 

Very funny but 'do' is not the right word

Like the woman said in court after some hard evidence showed, clearly indicating she made a mistake -
'I may not be right, but I'm defenately not completely wrong'

Now that's religion for you...

Religion is such a problem because every one believes he is right
Ok, same with everything else -

The trick is to be right yourself, so is someone else, even when you differ or do not agree.
Not everything is about yourself you know

 

http://youtu.be/p0LvKg5aCG0

 

English

Unfortunately Fannie there is a new language called "Ignorant English," and is exhibited continually on TV. This, sadly has made "Ignorant English" (IE)common to such an an extent that it is now included in some dictionaries.

The word "do' commonly replaces the correct word in IE, such as "We are going to do dinner."

However it must be noted that the English language has changed otherwise we would all be talking as in a Shakespearian play and the most important thing is communication.

For example the "joke" was badly communicated because I am still trying to work out what they doed to each other.

 

At least Shakespeare I can understand. Chaucer is another saucer.

 

Sorry Fanie. Thou art right.
But thee do not know what I have been through.
I barely managed to escape from that damned island
Still, I feel a little confuseded...

 

Odds bodkins! Thou art like to make the bard turn in his grave with thy unmelodious meld of "do" and "thee" - knoweth thou not this? Avaunt and get thee hence! "Damned Island" forsooth - 'tis the very jewel'd sceptre set in a silver sea that thy graceless tongue maligns ...

 

Out, damned Spot!