Boat Jokes (we need a few laughs)

Discussion in 'All Things Boats & Boating' started by brian eiland, Oct 29, 2006.

  1. mark775

    mark775 Guest

    Just thought I'd give y'all somethin' to make a card from for Easter.
    image002.jpg
     
  2. hoytedow
    Joined: Sep 2009
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    Location: North of Cuba

    hoytedow Carbon Based Life Form

    Mas will like this one:

    What is the difference between a crazy bunny and a counterfeit banknote?
    One is bad money and the other is a mad bunny!
     
  3. hoytedow
    Joined: Sep 2009
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    Location: North of Cuba

    hoytedow Carbon Based Life Form

    Many of us can relate to this one:

    What do you call ten rabbits marching backwards?



    A receding hareline.
     
  4. Wynand N
    Joined: Oct 2004
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    Location: South Africa

    Wynand N Retired Steelboatbuilder

    Traffic cop pulls car over for speeding and as he walked to the car, driver opened his window and the cop whacked him good with an open hand slap through the face.

    "Whats that for" cried the driver

    "For wasting my time, when you open the window, your license must be in your hand" replied the cop.

    With that the cop walk around to the passenger side and when the passenger had his window opened, the cop gave him a terrible slap on the snout.

    "whats that for" cried the passenger, "Im not the driver and had done nothing wrong" weeps the guy.

    "I was doing you a favor" replied the lawman

    "Explain that" cried the passenger.

    "well, its like this. When you guys leave here and before you traveled a 100 meters you would have said, 'that ******* cop wouldn't have pulled that **** with me"
     
  5. Fanie
    Joined: Oct 2007
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    Location: Colonial "Sick Africa"

    Fanie Fanie

    Big brother was slowly driving down the street in his Ford Piranha 3L when some lo life shouted to him 'hey you Cnut !'
    Wel big broter stopped and tuned the guy 'Who do you call HEY ?'
     
  6. hoytedow
    Joined: Sep 2009
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    Location: North of Cuba

    hoytedow Carbon Based Life Form

    OK, Fanie. That one went entirely over my head.
     
  7. Fanie
    Joined: Oct 2007
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    Location: Colonial "Sick Africa"

    Fanie Fanie

    You have to shuffle the word Cnut's insides to get it right. Cannot post some words openly.
     
  8. hoytedow
    Joined: Sep 2009
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    Location: North of Cuba

    hoytedow Carbon Based Life Form

    oiky doiky
     
  9. Pericles
    Joined: Sep 2006
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    Location: Heights of High Wycombe, not far from River Thames

    Pericles Senior Member

    UK forum members will have sympathy with this attachment. :D :D :D

    The snow & ice have played merry hell with our roads.

    http://www.potholes.co.uk/

    We pay far too much to drive on our rubbish road network and I've had to replace one alloy wheel and two tyres already. It's not all bad news, because I paid only £61 for each fitted & balanced Federal HIMALAYA WS2 205/50 R16 87H studdable winter tyre and they deliver fantastically good traction in snow & ice. I'll return to summer tyres in May and change back again at the end of November. Next winter in Europe will be worse than this one.:idea: :idea: :idea:

    I don't envy the Scots one bit.

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/default.stm
     

    Attached Files:

  10. ancient kayaker
    Joined: Aug 2006
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    Location: Alliston, Ontario, Canada

    ancient kayaker aka Terry Haines

    Here in Canada we have found a Zen approach to potholes helps a great deal. You know the sort of thing: embrace the pothole, be the pothole, contemplate the loss to the World if all potholes were to disappear, the green pothole, the tympanic music of the potholes and the tyres in concert tonight at 60 mph, etc.

    Well, at least our politicians do that: for the rest of us lesser mortals it seems to be more difficult but we are trying.

    What is this I am reading? Snow tyres in London? What is the place coming to? I still remember the single significant snowfall I can recall from the decade plus that I drove a vehicle there. And I read you get real summers now? Tch, tch ...
     
  11. mark775

    mark775 Guest

    Here, there are so many potholes one can get a DUI for driving a straight line...Pericles, the tires have good traction without studs (it wasn't clear to me)?
     
  12. ancient kayaker
    Joined: Aug 2006
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    Location: Alliston, Ontario, Canada

    ancient kayaker aka Terry Haines

    Since Vancouver won the chance to host the 2010 Winter Olympics, people from all over the world have been asking questions. These questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website. I'm not sure about he answers.

    Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? ( England )
    A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.

    Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? ( USA )
    A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.

    Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto , can I follow the Railroad tracks? (Sweden )
    A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water

    Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada ? ( Sweden )
    A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

    Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada ? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto , Vancouver , Edmonton and Halifax ? (England )
    A: What did your last slave die from ?

    Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada ? (USA )
    A: Africa is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe . Canada is that big country to your North...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary . Come naked.

    Q: Which direction is North in Canada ? ( USA )
    A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

    Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada ? ( England )
    A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

    Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )
    A: Austria is that quaint little country bordering Germany , which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, after the hippo races. Come naked.

    Q: Do you have perfume in Canada ? ( Germany )
    A: No, we don't stink.

    Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Where can I sell it in Canada ? ( USA )
    A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

    Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? ( Italy )
    A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

    Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada ? ( USA )
    A: Only at Thanksgiving.

    Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? ( Germany)
    A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.

    Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada , but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. ( USA )
    A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

    Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )
    A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.
     
  13. hoytedow
    Joined: Sep 2009
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    hoytedow Carbon Based Life Form

    Your list of stupid questions is hilarious.
    One more:

    Why do you use curling stones to go straight? Congratulations on the gold medal. :D
     
  14. hoytedow
    Joined: Sep 2009
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    Location: North of Cuba

    hoytedow Carbon Based Life Form

    A Canadian asked me where the local drugstore was, so I told him to get on I-75 and keep going north til he got to Michigan, then don't stop.

    I thought he meant HIS local drugstore.:p :p
     

  15. hoytedow
    Joined: Sep 2009
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    Location: North of Cuba

    hoytedow Carbon Based Life Form

    :cool:Terry, Congratulations on the hockey Gold Medal.:cool:
     
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