BOAT JOKES (we need a few laughs)

Discussion in 'All Things Boats & Boating' started by brian eiland, Oct 29, 2006.

  1. Eric Sponberg
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    Eric Sponberg Senior Member

    Is Hell exothermic or endothermic?

    Chemistry Mid-term exam, University of Washington:

    Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a proof.

    Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant. One student wrote the following:


    First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

    As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates what they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

    Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added. This gives two possibilities: 1) If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. 2) Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it?

    If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Therese Banyan during my freshman year that "It will be a cold night in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then 2) cannot be true, and thus, I am sure that Hell is exothermic.



    This student got the only A.
     
  2. Guillermo
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    Guillermo Ingeniero Naval

    AA! :D

    Going a little bit further...if Hell is exothermic, we can obtain work out of it. Perhaps the solution to humankind's need of a definite clean source of energy?...Burning ourselves in Hell...?
    More: If we do not provide an ever-growing amount of souls to Hell, the system Hell-Humankind will increase it's entropy, and it will come to a thermodynamical death. Kaput...! Finito...! :( .
    That's why we vitally depend on that endless source of souls: Heaven.... ;)
    And that's why humankind grows and grows, and sails the oceans, and NA's, ME's, Yacht Designers, etc, are hired and earn money to feed their children, before being sent to Hell themselves to keep the system working....! :D
    Cheers!
     
  3. Ari
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    Ari Patience s/o Genius

    There will be an enthalpy point, a point where even with fuel added in there won't be any noticeable change in temperature.
     
  4. Guillermo
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    Guillermo Ingeniero Naval

    Ari,
    If, as our student states, Hell keeps its pressure constant not to be broke loose, then Hell is isobaric and the difference in enthalpy (dH) is the maximum thermal energy attainable from the system. That is, the integral of dH over any isobar in state space is the maximum thermal energy attainable from Hell. This is what we could call the heat content of Hell.

    If now we keep Hell-Humankind system's entropy (S) at least constant (dS = 0), as to keep it safe from its thermodynamical death, then its dH has to be <= 0, with the equality holding at equilibrium. So the enthalpy for a Hell-Humankind system without the adding of souls will continuously decrease to its minimum equilibrium value.

    But following Ms. Therese Banyan's principle ;) , Hell and Humankind are not at equilibrium at all, so the system's enthalpy is increasing. The only way of getting that is by the constant adding of souls to Humankind as the Hell's fuel. That's why we need to include another actor in the Topology of the system: Heaven, as the evergrowing source of souls (particularly NA's and the like), to be sent to Hell....! :D

    Now, the real big question is: If Hell is exothermic and Humankind is endothermic, what the Hell is Heaven....? :D :D
     
  5. Mychael
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    Mychael Mychael

    That's sailing around the world, unmolested by pirates, breathing fresh air, in a fast but seaworthy and comfortable boat with a capable and willing( and I do mean "willing") all girl crew.

    Mychael
     
  6. Ari
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    Ari Patience s/o Genius

    About sailing,girls and 'Dragons'

    I nearly agree with you about your answers to Guilermo question- after one very solid hypothesis from him but the all girl crew is something very scary to me. Maybe Tahiti and the Tuamotus or sailing in Indonesia with some girls is quite just heavenly enough for me. That is if the two 'dragon' allow me..:eek:
     
  7. Ari
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    Ari Patience s/o Genius

    Wow..what a hypothesis man..these bring back my memories of the lecture hall!
     
  8. Poida
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    Poida Senior Member

    Bergalia me mate,

    I stayed awake all night trying to work this out.

    Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.

    It's got me baffled, can you explain it?

    Poida
     
  9. Bergalia
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    Bergalia Senior Member

    Boat jokes...

    Ah Poida - just shows the disadvantage of a colonial upbringing... It's an old Pommie wive's tale - bit like always wearing clean underpants in case you are run over. Rumour has it that a swan can break a man's arm with a flap of its wings. Repeated each time a kid throws bread at the wildfowl on the park lakes. Ranks I suppose with the Aussie 'drop bear'.
    ;)
     
  10. safewalrus
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    safewalrus Ancient Marriner

    and, whilst on the subject of confusion I do not understand the Alcholics Anonymouse bit, your name is NOT Walruss he's to nice to be an Alcoholic (Pi**head Yes, Alcoholic No!) - you know the difference between an Alcoholic and a Drunk don't you? - Us Drunks don't have to attend all these stupid meetings!!!:p
     
  11. Frosty

    Frosty Previous Member

    What youve never had your arm broken by a swan? When we were at school we always had a day off because of broken arms by swans.
     
  12. Bergalia
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    Bergalia Senior Member

    Boat jokes...

    Nah. Every time I got near a swan it would say: "Take me to your Leda..."
    :D
     
  13. Frosty

    Frosty Previous Member

    A model on the catwalk is interesting movement but not harmonic motion.

    I was told by my teacher that looking at a man on a bicycles feet from the rear (or front) whilst peddaling was harmonic motion.

    A constant acceleration and decelleration with max speed in the centre.

    Sorry no joke.
     
    Last edited: Apr 10, 2007
  14. longliner45
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    longliner45 Senior Member

    dammit Eric ,,,too much time at the office ,,,,,,longliner,good one
     

  15. Frosty

    Frosty Previous Member

    I thought this was funny-- as usuall click on it and it gets bigger
     

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