Boat Jokes (we need a few laughs)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0SPgPpTMtew

try this... walrus I trust this is near yur tatse

 

"Maltese Falcon"?

 

There is an element of truth there Charlie

 

Boat jokes

A young shore-based AB is leaving the office late one evening when he finds the Admiral standing in front of the shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.

"You there," growls the Admiral, "this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work?"

"Certainly, sir" says the young AB. He turns the machine on, puts the paper in, and hits the start button.

"Thanks." grunts the Admiral as the paper disappears inside the machine. "I just need one copy."

 

Jeez Bergalia reminds me of the story about the bloke selling washing machines.

Went to one old bloke's place and he said, "Don't want want one of those bloody things, bought one, put me bloody shirt in, pulled the bloody chain, aint seen me bloody shirt since then."

It's an old joke, it's the way I tell it makes it funny.

Poida

 

Boat jokes

How about a philosophical one:


If a man talks in a forest and there's no woman to hear him - is he still wrong....?

 

A man's wife is jealous of the time he spends on his boat. She exclaims," I bet there isn't any differnce in your mind between me and that boat". He thinks for awhile. Mmmm. I like to :
spend time on the boat
buy things for the boat
make the boat pretty
I am proud of the boat
I like to be seen with the boat
I talk about the boat alot

He was getting discouraged. Maybe his wife was right. Suddenly he jumped up. "I got it" he replied, "Someday Honey, I really want a bigger boat"!

 

and now he's talking about her who must be obeyed!

 

Boat jokes...

A gynecologist was bored with his job and decided that he needed a career change. He'd always enjoyed tinkering with engines so thought he'd become a marine diesel mechanic. So he went along to marine mechanics school and the final test was to strip the diesel engine completely and reassemble it - obviously back into perfect working order.
Having completed the test he anxiously awaited the result. The day he received the results he got quite a surprise, he got 150%!
He quickly phoned the instructor and queried the mark. The instructor said, "No, that's right. First I gave you 50% for stripping down the engine-a very thorough job. Next I gave you 50% for reassembling it - a fantastic job really. Then I gave you a 50% bonus for doing it all through the exhaust port."

The Royal Navy admiral retired and persuaded his orderly of more than twenty-five years to come with him. The admiral told the orderly that even though he would now work for him personally, his duties would be exactly the same as they were in the navy.
On the first morning of the admiral's retirement the orderly came into the admiral's room and woke him. Then he slapped the admiral's sleeping wife on the behind and said, "Okay, sweetheart, it's back onshore for you!"

 

Intake port --intake port --keep it clean!!

 

Career Change

That was very funny ....had to resend it out to some friends and associates

 

Pepsi ala Italy

Not boat related either, but you will get a kick from this Pepsi commercial with Italian flavor:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Em9LAT5EEik

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=76wUr3zbCgI

 

A lawyer dies at the exact same time as the pope. The two find themselves together at the gates of heaven just in time to see St. Peter hover down next to them.
"Follow me!" he commands. The two follow close behind, and soon they find themselves in a long corridor.
Presently St Peter finds a door on the right and turns the knob.
"This will be your quarters for eternity, holy father", he says to the pope.
The lawyer glances in as the pope shuffles in. Just a tiny room not six by ten feet, a pallet for a bed, and a cheap chest of drawers with a bible atop of it!
The lawyer begins to sweat as St Peter closes the door on the pope and continues down the corridor. He wonders anxiously what kind of room is waiting for a second rate lawyer who never set foot inside a church.
After some time, they reach another door. As St Peter opens it, the lawyer holds his breath.
Before him is the most magnificent room imaginable. High vaulted ceilings, golden fixtures, TV, hot tub------ not empty either. Three divine nymphs await him with smiles.
The lawyer is stupified.
"How can this be?" he asks St peter. "The holiest man in the world gets that tiny cell, and yet I, a sinner and a lawyer, get all this!!??"
"I know, I know", says St Peter, "But truth is, we've got tons of popes. You, on the other hand, are our very first lawyer!"

 

Theres no boat in it,--- no boat!!!! no boat!!!!! Youve got to have a boat in it!!!