Boat Jokes (we need a few laughs)

Sure, Hoyt... blame it on the dog.

 

Ruh Roh!

 

Old UK joke - substitute the daily delivery man of your choice -

The milkman is on his last round, after 30 years of service he is retiring.

At one house the women gives him a box of home-baked muffins.

At the next he gets a card with a nice thank-you message.

At the next one, an attractive blonde meets him, dressed in a sheer negligee. She takes him by the hand, leads him upstairs to a bedroom where she proceeds to give him the best and most passionate sex he has ever had. Then she takes him downstairs again and cooks him a superb breakfast. Finally she gives him a fiver.

He is totally amazed by all this and asks her why . . .

She replies: "well, I told my husband we should thank you appropriately for your hard work in all weathers and he said '$crew 'im, give him a fiver'. The breakfast was my idea"

 

.......

 

LOL. Brian I would never have cut the chair !

 

- surely a few minutes with some ice cubes . . . mmm . . . maybe not!

 

I wounder what he said to the beach maintenance team ?

"i seem to have misplaced my balls?"

 

The nuts on this chair are too tight.

 

Paddy is passing by Mick's hay shed one day when through a gap in the door he sees Mick doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old red Massey Ferguson. Buttocks clenched he performs a slow pirouette and gently slides off first the right welly followed by the left. He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move lets his braces fall down from his shoulders to dangle by his hips over his corduroy trousers . Grabbing both sides of his check shirt he rips it apart to reveal his tea stained vest underneath and with a final flourish he hurls his flat cap on to a pile of hay.
'What on earth are you doing Mick' says Paddy.
'Jeez Paddy ye frightened the livin bejasus out of me' says an obviously embarrassed Mick 'but me and the Missus been having some trouble lately in the bedroom department and the Therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor . "

 

For the Laurentians, braces mean suspenders.

 

I have to assume a welly is a boot, patterned after the style of the Duke of Wellington.

 

Jeez Landlubber, isn't it sad when a joke is lost due to the ignorance of the English language.

 

"Now i know how the nut cracker felt ..."

 

A Golfer has been slicing off the tee on every hole.
He asks his Irish caddy if he has noticed any obvious reasons for his poor
tee shots, to which the caddy replies:

"Aye, there's a piece of **** on the end of your driver. "
The Golfer picks up his driver and cleans the club face, at which point the
caddy says: "No, the other end."

 

Two 90 yr. old men decided to go to there local ***** house one more time before it was to late. They drove to the place together & went in, The Madam asked can I help you guys

The old fellows replied Yes we would like to get screwed one last time before we die.

The Madam thought to herself, I cant give these old pervs two of my good girls. So she decided to get two blow up girls & put them in a not well lit room. Well the two men finished there task & met back @ the car, The first guy asked his buddy How was it?

The old guy replied It was like she was dead, She didn't move, moan or say anything but all in all it was good, What about you?

The other guy replied I think she was a witch

His partner said, What do you mean?

He said Well I bit her & she farted & flew out the window!