Boat Jokes (we need a few laughs)

"The Law of Reality" - Never get into a fight with an ugly person; they have nothing to lose.

"The Law of Self Sacrifice" - When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last.

"Weiler's Law" - Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.

"Law of Probable Dispersal" - Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

"Law of Volunteer Labour" - People are always available for work in the past tense.

"Conway's Law" - In any organization there is one person who knows whats going on. That person must be fired.

"Iron Law of Distribution" - Them that has, gets.

"Law of Drunkenness" - You can't fall off the floor.

 

Car Bumper stickers:

* I love cats, they taste just like chicken.
* Wife and dog missing, reward for finding dog.
* Don't ever drink and drive, you might hit an unexpected speed bump and spill your drink
* Don't honk, driver trying to sleep.
* Stuck in traffic? If you lived in your car you would be home by now
* Cover me! I'm changing lanes

 

Don't tailgate. Driver spits.

Keep honking. I'm reloading.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SkVRCneHW6k&NR=1

I have no secrets.

She's obviously given this some thought........

 

Peanut Butter

Hello...

We all did our homework but alas on sea trials she came out to be a wee bit of a 'rollie'...
It was not all that bad really - but the peanut butter did tend to slide off your morning toast...

SH.

 

Ladies and gentlemen of the boating persuasion, this sounds like your kind of airline! By the sound of it you may have to supply your own wings.

http://cryscresc.net/lutheran-airlines-a-new-way-to-fly

 

#171 Post Feedback Flag for Moderator
Today, 03:56 AM
wardd
Senior Member

Join Date: Apr 2009
Rep: 169 Posts: 385
Location: usa
Quote:
Originally Posted by mydauphin
A pyramid shape boat would be very stable and impossible to capsize. Of course I mean a upside pyramid. It would also be very strong and symbolic to someone. Lets all go out and build them.. Oh they are hard to navigate and their draft makes them impossible... Oh it doesn't matter because the proportions are good.

Goodwiltoall some questions for you;
Why did Fiberglass revolutionize boat construction ?
Why do Naval engineers study physics, fluid dynamics and many hard sciences to design a functioning boat?
Why does the Coast Guard rescue ten of thousands of boaters every year?
How is it that even well built, multiple hundred foot vessels flip over and sink?


Why did Fiberglass revolutionize boat construction ?

Panes of glass kept breaking

Why do Naval engineers study physics, fluid dynamics and many hard sciences to design a functioning boat?

because they are nerds and couldn't get dates in school


Why does the Coast Guard rescue ten of thousands of boaters every year?

because they have a lot of money to spend

How is it that even well built, multiple hundred foot vessels flip over and sink?

because they were in the water

 

The following is supposedly a documented conversation between the USS Lincoln and a Canadian "vessel"....

Canadian: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the captain of a us navy ship. I say again, divert your course.

Canadians: No. I say again, you divert your course.

Americans: This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln, the second largest ship in the United States Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels. I demand that you change your course 15 degrees north, I say again, that's one five degrees north, or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.

Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

 

Moral of the story .... Size DOES NOT matter

 

Diasagree: size DOES matter! The lighthouse was attached to the ground!

 

That's cheating !

 

Disagree. Moving is cheating! It's easier to hit a stationary target, although it can be time-consuming if it's on land and you're trying to sink it!

 

Now we're all antici...pating the 'IS' ... 'IS NOT' exchange *sigh*

Good figgin grief Sean Were you ALONE when that happened or did you have an assistant Maybe you're doing it wrong

Nah, she looks too honest for that.

Had a call from the welfare wanted my old clothes for the starving people in africa. I told them to go f themselves. Any one my clothes will fit can defenately not be starving of hunger

 

Aftermath

 

lolz .....