Boat Jokes (we need a few laughs)

........and then there's them what gits it washed for 'em!!

 

Cumming from you Cumming, that of course takes us right back to Brian's bass fishing video

 

I found HEAVEN !!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z1Csfa8F_l8&feature=related

 

Ok the following link is a very funny! Not boat related though! ... i'll let you find out

http://www.mouthshut.com/diary/gjfcrqlpm/My-favourite-English-Essay-every-a-laugh-riot

 

at least the teacher had a sense of humor. It will damage them but over the years they may able to overcome the handicap

 

lol !!! Very true

 

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello.
He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from.

So he says, 'Do you know me?'

To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.'

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful
to his wife and says, 'Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that
I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your
partner whipped my butt with wet celery???'

She looks into his eyes and says calmly,

'No, I'm your son's teacher.'

 

A professor told dirty jokes in class and the women wanted to protest it. So they decided that in the next time that the professor will start with these kind of jokes they all will leave the class as a protest.
Somehow the professor heard about the plan.
In the next lecture, in the beginning of the lecture he said: "In Sweden a pr*stitute makes $2000 per night."
All the women stood up and started to leave the class. So he shouted after them: "Where are you going? The plane to Sweden doesn't take off until the day after tomorrow."

 

John is paying a visit to his Italian neighbor in the hospital, who just had a very serious traffic accident. He doesn't look like very much: in plaster, completely wrapped in a bandage, tons of hoses and infusions. he looks like a mummy. John tries to have a conversation, but his neighbor has his eyes closed and isn't responding. Suddenly his eyes jump wide open and he starts to gurgle and during his last gasp for air he says:
"Mi stai bloccando il d'tubicino ossigeno, Pezzo di merda ...."
John inscribes the words in his heart.
At the funeral John tells the black-clad widow that her husband had something to say.
'And, she asks with tearful eyes,"was it that he loved me? "
"I do not know," said the man, "but it sounded like Mi stai bloccando il d'tubicino ossigeno, pezzo di merda ...."
The widow screams and faints.
"What?" John ask startled to the daughter, "what did he say, what does that mean?" And the crying daughter says:
"You are standing on my oxygen hose, you git."

 

A bloke walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads, "Cheese sandwich: 9.99; Chicken sandwich: 13.50; H**djob: 50.00."
Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, the man walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three hot waitresses.
"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile. "Can I help you?"
"I was wondering," whispers the man. "Are you the one who gives the h**djobs?"
"Yes," she purrs. "Indeed I am."
The man replies, "Well, go and wash your hands. I want a cheese sandwich!"

 

This one was up before, but this time the roles are changed

A man gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom.
He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.
"What's up?" he says.
"I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman.
He rushes downstairs to grab the phone for ambulance, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says, "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Fred is hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"
The man slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, covering on the closet floor.
"You b*stard," the man says," my wife is having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!"

 

Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak - the
last one is great!

Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take
the words back...

Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....

FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow
and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow j*b?"
I turned around and walked back out and never went back.
My husband didn't say a word... he knew better.

SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the
good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he
could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said ,
"I think I like playing with men's balls."

THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
variety of candy and nuts.
As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter
asked if we needed any help.
I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."
My sister started to laugh hysterically.
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day, my sister has never let me forget.

FOURTH TESTIMONY :
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to
release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to
grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance
from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right
now" she
would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a
voice just as
threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma
that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even
the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my
dignity and walked out of the bank
with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard as the door closed behind
me, were screams of laughter.


FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training
and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick
lunch in between
errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room.
While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I
checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean.
Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while.
I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No".
I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I
don't have any clean clothes with me."
Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"
"No," he replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell
was getting worse.
So, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?"
This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread
his cheeks and yelled "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he
calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
An older couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best
laugh they'd ever had!

LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This one had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and
a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely
think before she speaks.
What happens when you predict snow, but don't get any?
We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to
have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked:
"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too,
they were laughing so hard!

Remember... we all say things we don't really mean, so think
before you speak.

 

Two doctors, a psychiatrist and a proctologist, opened an office in a
Small town and put up a sign reading: "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Hysterias
and Posteriors." The town council was not happy with the sign, so the
doctors changed it to read, "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids."

This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the
council, they changed the sign to "Catatonics and High Colonics." No go.

Next, they tried "Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives." Thumbs down
again.

Then came "Minds and Behinds." Still no good.

Another attempt resulted in "Lost Souls and Butt Holes." Unacceptable
again!

So they tried "Analysis and Anal Cysts." Not a chance. "Nuts and Butts?"
No way. "Freaks and Cheeks?" Still no go. "Loons and Moons?" Forget it.

Almost at their wit's end, the doctors finally came up with: "Dr.
Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends."

Everyone loved it.

 

LMAO Fane !!! great jokes

 

Sorry about that, I'm sure it will grow back in time...