Boat Jokes (we need a few laughs)

Oh thanks a lot. Now I can see it!

 

The pink one Hoyt!

 

I don't even see a blooming dolphin in that picture. Any way I'm off for a bit of fishing, thought I'd leave you guys (almost typed 'gays' there... slip of the middle finger) with a few nursery rhimes since the bunch of you act like children any way.

Now don't hold me to the words ok, it's been a while

It's Raining, It's Pouring
Oh ****, it's Global Warming.

Jack and Jill went into town
To fetch some chips and sweeties.
He can't keep his heart rate down
And she's got diabetes.

Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her
Between two chunks of bread.

Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the pie man
'What have you got there?'
Said the pie man unto Simon
'Pies you dummy!'

Mary had a little lamb
It ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up its @rse
And turned its wool to nylon.

Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play
He kissed them too cause he was gay.

Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
And planned to do some kissing.
Jack made a pass
And grabbed her ***
Now two of his teeth are missing.

Mary had a little lamb
Its fleece was white and wispy.
Then it caught Foot and Mouth Disease
And now it's black and crispy.

Mary had a little lamb
She fed it castor oil.
And everywhere that Mary went,
It fertilized the soil.

Jack and jill went up the hill to fetch a pale of water
I dont know what they did up there but now they have a daughter

Jack and Jill went up the hill,
Each with a dollar and a quarter.
Jill came back with two dollars fourty,
Do you think they went up for water.


Mary had a little lamb,
The doctors were amazed !


Hickery Dickery Dock,
Three mice ran up the clock,
The clock strike ONE !
The other two escaped with minor injuries.


Little miss muffet,
Sat on a tuffet,
eating her puding and pie,
And when she bent over,
To give Rover a bone,
Rover took over,
and gave her a bone of his own.



Now behave while I'm gone

 

Georgie Porgy puddin in pie , kissed the girls and made them cry.
Now veterans of many an orgy, the same girls laugh at Porgy.

Mary had little lamb , she kept it in a bucket. Every time the lamb got out the bulldog tried to..uh..uh .. find it and put it back in the bucket.

 

"Mary had little lamb , she kept it in a bucket. Every time the lamb got out the bulldog tried to find it and put it back in the bucket."


....oh, jees Brent, I thought for a while there you were going to say the bulldog tried to fuckit...that would , of course, be politically incorrect. thanks mate.

 

I have a sad story to tell you
It may hurt your feelings a bit
Last night when I walked into my bathroom
I stepped in a pile of ...

Chorus (repeat after every verse):
Shaving cream, be nice and clean.
Shave everyday and you'll always look keen.

I think I'll break off with my girlfriend
Her antics are queer I'll admit
Each time I say, 'Darling, I love you'
She tells me that I'm full of ...

Our baby fell out of the window
You'd think that her head would be split
But good luck was with her that morning
She fell in a barrel of ...

An old lady died in a bathtub
She died from a terrible fit
In order to fulfill her wishes
She was buried in six feet of ...

When I was in France with the army
One day I looked into my kit
I thought I would find me a sandwich
But the darn thing was loaded with ...

And now, folks, my story is ended
I think it is time I should quit
If any of you feel offended
Stick your head in a barrel of ...

 

My wife keeps a sack in the garden,
I'm curious I will admit,
one morning I pulled out a handful,
and found it was nothing but ...

 

Shaving cream?

 

I'm not allowed to give you points Fanie, though you deserve a stck for this post!

 

Mary had a little lamb,
The doctors were amazed !


But when old mcdonald had a farm
they where flabbergasted

 

LOLZ ! Simplest boat ever ?

 

Wasn't that a picture from Popular Mechanics way back in the 60's?

 

It gets posted here about every 2 months or so.

 

Always worth seeing again, too.

 

On this point, we agree.