Boat Jokes (we need a few laughs)

We are, after all, a bunch of cut-ups and some are even doctors(but looking at some of the boat builds, may be more like butchers).

 

Well laid out there Hoyt

 

Your work is not butchery. It is masterful.

 

So, it is mine then..................

I understand.

 

No, the butchery would be mine. I am surrounded by giants!

 

Lord Lonsdale had settled into his bath aboard his Sunseeker, waiting for Jeeves to arrive & take his drinks order, as happened every evening. However, as Jeeves arrived, His Lordship let off a long underwater fart, & Jeeves turned & left the room.

“Strange,” thought His Lordship, “it's not like Jeeves to take offence like that & leave without my drinks order”

Just then Jeeves reappeared with the drinks tray (Solid silver, a present from his Grand Mama, his mother's mother). On it was a hot water bottle & a bottle of Bovril.

“What on earth is this then?” asked His Lordship.

“Beg your pardon your Lordship, but as I entered the room just now I distinctly heard you ask for a “Hot water bottle & a bottle of Bovril!”

 

G’day hoytedow,

Couldn’t help noticing the Latin at the bottom of your posts. You may appreciate a little rhyme I remember from 20-odd years ago in a book of Graffiti by Nigel Reese.

“Amo, amas, I met a lass,
And she was tall & slender,
Amas, amat, I laid her flat
And played with her Feminine Gender”

I thought this was great, & added a verse of my own in conclusion – sort of a climax?

‘Amamus, amatis, in post-coitus,
Seeing that flaccid member of mine,
Amatus, amant, if it’s seconds you want,
I’m sorry but I'll have to decline!’

I still have fond memories of Latin exams of 45 years ago! NOT!

 

Thanks for that.

This is what my father wrote in his Latin book in the 1930's.:

"Latin's a dead language,
As dead as it can be.
First it killed the Romans,
And now it's killing me."

 

aint dat proposition fine wid deadly rather than dead?

 

I suspected that I was getting into something when I signed on this ship of cuckoos. The only thing missing is nurse Ratched, but it could be that she just surfaced, arghhh.

 

Blond Row Boat

Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat.

The driver blonde turned to her friend and said “You know – it’s blondes like that that give us a bad name!”

To this, the other blonde replies “I know it, and if I knew how to swim, I’d go out there and drown her.”

 

And the Lord spoke to Noah and said,

And the Lord spoke to Noah and said,

And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, "In six months I'm going to make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people, and two of every kind of living thing on the planet. I am commanding you to build an Ark." And in a flash of lightning, He delivered the specifications for an Ark, "Okay," said Noah, trembling with fear and fumbling with the blueprints.

"Six months and it starts to rain," thundered the Lord. "You'd better have the Ark completed, or learn to swim for a very long time."

Six months passed, the skies clouded up and rain began to fall. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard, weeping. And there was no Ark. "Noah!" shouted the Lord, "Where is the Ark?" "Lord, please forgive me!" begged Noah. "I did my best. But there were big problems. First, I had to get a building permit for the Ark construction project, and your plans didn't meet code. I had to hire an engineer to redraw the plans. Then I got into a big fight over whether or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system.

"Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning by building the Ark in my front yard. I had to get a variance from the city planning commission. Then I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to save the spotted owl. I had to convince the US Fish and Wildlife that I needed the wood to save the owls. But they wouldn't let me catch any owls. So, no owls.

"The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Relations Board before anyone would pick up a saw or hammer. Now we have sixteen carpenters going on the boat, and still no owls. Then I started gathering up animals, and got sued by an animal rights group. They objected to me taking only two of each kind.

"Just when I got that suit dismissed, the EPA notified me that I couldn't complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn't take kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of a Supreme Being. Then the Army Corps of Engineers wanted a map of the proposed new flood plain. So I sent them a globe. Right now, I'm still trying to resolve a complaint from the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission over how many Croatians I'm supposed to hire.

"The IRS has seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to avoid paying taxes by leaving the country. And I just got a notice from the state about owing them some kind of use tax. I really don't think I can finish the Ark for at least another five years," Noah wailed.

The sky began to clear. The sun began to shine. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up and smiled, "You mean you're not going to destroy the earth?" Noah asked hopefully. "No," said the Lord sadly, "The government already has!"

 

Jonytboy. Welcome.

 

Some here with culture may appreciate an ono bit of Spam-ku I just picked up:

In mud you frolicked
Till they cut, cleaned and canned you
How now, ground sow?



- Author unknown

 

According to my dad, a WWII veteran: "Spam is ham what didn't pass its physical."