Boat Jokes (we need a few laughs)

Some Mexicans call that position "veinte uñas" (twenty nails). I always got a chuckle out of that...

 

How do you get your keyboard to type the tilde? When I type unas it comes out all gringo.

 

It should probably be "twenty-one" - she got 'nailed' as well!

 

ñ.....

 

Alt + 0241 on the right hand number pad. Penn State has a site Computing with Accents, Symbols, and Foreign Scripts that has more...
http://tlt.its.psu.edu/suggestions/international/bylanguage/spanish.html
When I'm in Mexico, the keyboard has the symbols. Sometimes I forget my Spanish and look online to see if I got it right, then copy and paste when I see the phrase I was looking for, for example, I couldn't remember how to spell twenty (veinte) so Googled "vente unas" and...nothing. Went to a translator and found "twenty" in Spanish, typed "veinte unas" in Google and all kinds of stuff came up. I copied "veinte uñas" and posted. It doesn't come easy for me either. For example, when I am there, I talk with my Suegra every morning and fine. Six months here and I am illiterate again. My wife gets exasperated, speaks only English to me (She has a heavy British accent - taught by nuns!) and the following year, it takes weeks to tune my Spanish again. They make fun of me constantly and I am instantly recognized as gringo when I open my mouth in public. When we go to the market, prices double if I speak!

 

Thanks, Mark.

 

The following is supposedly a documented conversation between the USS Lincoln and a Canadian "vessel"....

Canadian: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the captain of a us navy ship. I say again, divert your course.

Canadians: No. I say again, you divert your course.

Americans: This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln, the second largest ship in the United States Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels. I demand that you change your course 15 degrees north, I say again, that's one five degrees north, or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.

Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.


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light tower | portable light tower

 

Eh RHP,

Beat this one

CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, 'You see, it's like this ... yesterday, I sent my wife to the store
to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco
and some rolling papers; cause "it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper".
So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.'

 

What's worse is that I AM GOING TO DO THAT! thanks

 

What ???? Smoke cotton balls ?

 

Don't ask, Fanie, don't ask!

 

I just tried that & had no joy.

I said to the chemist "Do you have cotton wool balls?"

He said " What do you think I am, a friggin' TEDDY BEAR?"

 

Lord Lonsdale upped anchor & moved his new 40m Sunseeker to Italian waters. He had the deck Jacuzzi converted into a luxury bathtub with a few screens around it for privacy.

Every evening his butler, Jeeves (who was engaged in litigation with a like-named search-engine over naming rights – nothing to do with the joke, merely background information), would run his Lordship’s bath, wait for him to be settled in it, & receive his Lordships’ order for a sundowner. This took the form of a pink gin, a small sherry, or even on the odd occasion he was asked to warm up a beer.

This particular evening, he returned with a small sherry (Taylor’s, good vintage) & noticed that his Lordship had a quite substantial ********.

“How’s that, eh Jeeves, pretty damn good, what?”

“That’s the best for a very long time sir – shall I warn Her Ladyship to prepare herself?”

“Good gracious no, man! This is a real beauty! Tell the captain to launch the tender & we’ll sneak it ashore & into the village”

 

Hoyt, save your spanish letters to the desktop and when you need them simply select and copy. Paste where you want them and enjoy.

 

Thanks, Masrapido.