Boat Jokes (we need a few laughs)

thats a f...in brilliant joke

 

Well, you won't get a five-figure invoice from the credit card company, either . . .

 

Fishing

The Reason I Quit Fishing
Saturday morning I got up early, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential down pour.
The wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'
My loving wife of 20 yrs replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that ****?'
I still don't know to this day if she was joking, but I have stopped fishing.

 

Not a boat joke, but a good one;

HOW TO CALL THE POLICE
WHEN YOU'RE OLD
AND DON'T MOVE FAST ANYMORE.


George Phillips , an elderly man, from Meridian, Mississippi, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.

He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?"

He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me.

Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available."

George said, "Okay."

He hung up the phone and counted to 30.

Then he phoned the police again.

"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot them." and he hung up.

Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the Policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"

George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"


Don't mess with old people

 

woddakrakka

 

Bloody brilliant idea...

 

Don't forget to take and post videos of the event...

 

My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful younger sister....
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less.
She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate because she never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day her "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.
She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me." I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.
Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my future father-in-law hugged me and said, We are very happy that you have passed our little test.
We couldn't ask for better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family!"

And the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car!

 

Very funny RHP-
still laughing

 

A little girl was sitting on her grandfather's lap as he read her a bedtime story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again.

Finally she spoke up, "Grandpa, did God make you?" "Yes, sweetheart," he answered, "God made me a long time ago.""Oh," she paused, "grandpa, did God make me too?" "Yes, indeed, honey," he said, "God made you just a little while ago."

Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting better at it, isn't he ?"

 

and then this came along

just for you that are following the notebook / Google thread

he he

 

Thats a sweet joke Guillermo so sweet, I like that one. Grand father sitting with the little girl, lovely

It was far better than that disgusting filth offered by RHP What is the man thinking of ? does he think we will all laugh at this filth.

 

Dont involve me in these disgusting stories, I am way above this kind of thing.

Besides, 50 dollars is a bit much is'nt it?

The sooner you get out here the better you will save yourself a fortune.

 

Just goes to show

my mind is either thinking about boats

OR it is in the gutter

i frikken looooved the joke
peeeeed in me pants lads

oh well back to ************
dream about that "crew"

 

As for who was first, the chicken and egg saga is finally resolved, as the egg was seen sat in bed next to the chicken smoking a stogie and saying .. "well, that answers that one !"