Boat Jokes (we need a few laughs)

Boat jokes

Old Highland skipper having just returned from sea is walking over his croft and sees a man crouched beside a small pool scooping up water in his hand.

Naturally concerned the skipper shouts "Awa ye eijit, can yeh no tell that's foo o kyle keich"
(Translated: Don't drink the water, it's full of cow ****.)

The man shouts back "I'm English... Why don't you speak English, so I can
understand you"

So the old skipper shouts back: "Use both hands, you'll get more in."

 

Well, about understanding english, hear this pilot-tower conversation.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ob7mc8gIyrE
If I ever have to fly with Air China, I'll think twice....!

 

Boy oh boy thats frightening stuff.

 

Most people in the world speak Chinese, it's not the pilot's fault if he has come across one of the minority in the world.

You Amelicans shloud rurn spleek Chinese.

Poida

 

Transmission of language by radio anywhere in the world is English.

 

or in this case Chinglish? But what stange language is the controller speaking?

 

Boat Jokes

So, we'll never hear you on the radio then, Frosty.......

 

Now THAT IS A BONUS I hadn't thought off!

 

Not exactly a joke but...,

Get a load of this video clip......... the old folks seem to have a sense of humor !!!


http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=17828845

 

Jesus is Watching You

A burglar broke into a boat one night. He shined his flashlight around,
looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his
sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is
watching you."

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out, and froze.
When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself
a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light on and began
searching for more valuables.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as
a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you."

Freaked out, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source
of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came
to rest on a parrot.

"Did you say that?" He hissed at the parrot.
"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you!"

The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"
"Moses," replied the bird.

"Moses?" the burglar laughed.
"What kind of people would name their bird Moses?"


"Those same kind of people that would name their rottweiler Jesus."

 

Talking of which couple of fellahs down Wembley for the footie the other day were approached by a local pimply youth

"watch yer car for a fiver mate"

'No your Ok son, we've got a rottweiler in the back'

"can your rottweiler put out fires?"

 

Boat Jokes

A young decides to join the navy. On the day he is about to go to sea, his father warned him to be aware of gay sailors.

"But dad, how will I know?"

"Trust me son, you will know.

After six months at sea, the ship comes into port. The father was on the dock waiting for his son. The son, seeing his father, got off the ship and shook his fathers hand.

"Well son, how did it go?"

"Dad, I found out what you ment about gay sailors. One night I was out on deck all alone when a man came by and put his hand on my shoulder so I threw him overboard."

"But how could you tell he was gay?"

"Well, for three days he swam behind the boat yelling "Throw me a bouy...throw me a bouy..."

 

Boat Jokes

Question: What's a metaphor ?

Answer (to be read with a West Indian accent):


'Ah metaphor to be mekin me tea while ahm sailin....'


(leaps overside and starts swimming for shore....)

 

Definately not that would ruin any chance of you setting up a sucessful brothel keeping business! Incidentally what flavours of broth do you intend to sell and how will you package it?

 

frosty ,,,take a deep breath and get some fresh air,,,,,,,you have been on the boat too long,,,good one ,,,,,,,longliner